Nearly FMLs

By Treybias - 26/04/2016 01:05 - Canada - Estevan

A few days ago I fell in P.E class, and thinking the injury was probably was probably just a sprain I went to the doctors to get it wrapped up. Turns out I broke both of my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

By feces face - 26/04/2016 01:04 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, there was a thunderstorm. I love storms, but my kitten apparently doesn't considering that she shat a lovely kitty shit trail all around my apartment. After cleaning, I put myself to bed, but I felt something gooey on my face. My kitty must've jumped on my bed, and left a shitty surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 5

By WJM505 - 26/04/2016 00:59 - Canada - Kanata

Today, in a sleep-deprived rush, I went to use the washroom and refill a bottle of water. I somehow managed to piss in the bottle and wake myself up, but not after I chugged the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 00:57 - United States - Plano

Today, I made extra note cards to use on my exam even though we were allowed only one. Just as I placed my cards on the desk, the guy next to me scrastically asked if that was enough notecards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 200

By GottaLoveTheSkank - 26/04/2016 00:47 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a guy friend asked me to hang out...on valentines day. As sweet as he his, I am not attracted to him (due to different personalities), so I politely declined. He later posted on Facebook that all the girls he ever liked were all "druggies or skanks. Thank f*ck none of them worked out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 00:41 - United States - Oxnard

Today, Is week three since I found out I'm going to be a teen dad. My parents are calling her a slut and saying it can't be mine. I know it is. I want to do the right thing and be a dad but they won't let me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 41

By Bifloman - 26/04/2016 00:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I received an invitation to my brother's wedding, to my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 15

By JonSutherlin42 - 26/04/2016 00:35 - United States - Tiffin

Today, me and my friend studied for our accounting final for about 2 hours reviewing the sample exam questions that the professor gave us. When the teacher handed us the 5 question exam, none of the questions on the review were on the test. I might have gotten a 0/100 on the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 50

By your mom - 26/04/2016 00:32 - United States - Hamilton

Today, I realized that my best friend is my computer. I am not ashamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 45

By JustBleh - 26/04/2016 00:30 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I barely woke up and remembered that I had to throw out the trash in the garbage shoot on my way to the elevator, I had my bag (which had my laptop) in one hand and the garbage in the other, I entered my car to discover I threw away my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 26

By isi4ever - 26/04/2016 00:21 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend and my cat got run over. They were the best things to be in my life and now I'm alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 21

By MrsHumanFrog - 26/04/2016 00:21 - United States - Lexington

Today, it's my husband's day off. Instead of spending time with his family, he keeps trying to banish us to the back room so he can play his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 25

By theapplesleader - 26/04/2016 00:13 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, I caught my best friend beating off to some My little pony she male porn. He looked looked into my eyes as he finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 9

By AcademicAdvisor - 26/04/2016 00:07 - United States - Jamaica Plain

Today, a student crapped his pants in my office. I work with university students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 7

By hdjdjh - 26/04/2016 00:02 - United States - Tampa

Today,my little puppy decided he had to take a shit in my 4,000 dollar computer FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 8

By Michelle O'Trauma - 26/04/2016 00:01 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I had a mock-assessment for roller derby and I had to make a jump over the block. I would've passed the jump, had I not landed and broke my leg. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 5

By I'm not rich - 25/04/2016 23:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I received the written quote for my insurance, which was quoted over the phone to be around $230 for my family. My new bill is $459 monthly with mine alone being $290. So much for not living paycheck to paycheck anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 3

By anonomousy - 25/04/2016 23:44 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I counted the days since my husband and I last had sex, we would have a 4 month old if I had gotten pregnant. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

By davisjenny81 - 25/04/2016 23:42 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the boy who I am in love with told me he secretly has always hated me. We've been best friends for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

By anon - 25/04/2016 23:36 - Canada - Lower Sackville

Today, I decided to buy a car locally, forgetting two months ago my friend had signed me up for a local hook up site. As I met the man whom I was buying the car from, I realized he was that one night stand I had my friend tell I died.

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 15

By BirthStone - 25/04/2016 23:31 - United States - Hanford

Today, it's my birthday. You want to know how I've been spending it? On the toilet for the past few hours trying to pass a kidney stone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 5

By anon - 25/04/2016 23:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today I realised that I flashed 200 people while on stage. It was supposed to be my moment of glory for doing a really good job. Instead I've embarrassed myself and can't face anybody ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 6

By IDontWantToLiveOnThisPlanetAnymore - 25/04/2016 23:22 - United States - Indianapolis

Today My cousin read to me a list of traits she wrote 2 years ago (before we met) for her "ideal man". Traits that match her current "BF" to a T. Her "BF" is my best friend, roommate, and the man I've loved for half my life. I've also been awakened 3 times this week by them LOUDLY fucking. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

By babymama727 - 25/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered how much more important my husband thinks his job is than my health when I almost fainted in the kitchen because of all the stress I've been under, and he yelled at me for being "over-dramatic," said he wouldn't stay home because I was clearly faking it and walked out the door.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 5

By pengw1 - 25/04/2016 22:49 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I found out that my new, awesome boyfriend, supports Donald Trump and would vote for him. I'm Mexican. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 3

By hannah_cheers - 25/04/2016 22:49 - United States - Tempe

Today, I have Aspergers. My grandma told me I should just stop being so shy and quiet and I would make friends easily and people would like me. I wish it was that easy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 4

By TEXangel25 - 25/04/2016 22:47 - United States

Today, my parents rejected my plans to stay home for the week while they visit my brother. I had an overnight bonfire planned and was looking forward to being home alone. Instead, I'm being shipped off to a friend's house where a loud bird begs for attention and homework is top priority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 5

By lackluster - 25/04/2016 22:45 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I realized I get really horny on my period and prefer to give blowjobs, my husband is normally all for it any other day begging for one, except when I really want to give him one and he says "no, I'm not interested anymore" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 22:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, with my new piano teacher, we spent the first 5 minutes of him talking about his day, then the last 25 minutes him talking to my dad about a soap opera they both watch. My dad doesnt see why i think i need a new teacher, and is now mad at me for not knowing the song he shouldve shown me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 4

By Aerobic_Exorcism - 25/04/2016 20:24 - United States - Apopka

Today, I sneaked up behind my best friend to jokingly scare him and saw nudes of my girlfriend on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 38

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The Top

Today, my fiancé walked out on me saying he loved me dearly, but not enough to continue parenting my three kids from my previous marriage because they hate him, he now hates them, and they’re not his problem to continue dealing with. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 755

Today, it's my wife's birthday. She also sleepwalks, sleep eats and sleep drinks. This morning, her subconscious remembered it was her birthday and wanted to celebrate in style. I found my $200 bottle of Johnny Walker Blue was missing 3". She doesn't remember drinking it. I'm so glad she enjoyed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 277

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 090

You deserved it 5 828

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 150

You deserved it 52 290

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 786

You deserved it 58 045

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 261