Nearly FMLs

By Adamre12 - 26/04/2016 09:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sneaked out to the shop on my motorbike to buy a pack of cigarettes. On the way back I was hit by a car, breaking my leg in several places and requiring 6 hours of surgery. One of the previous times i sneaked out to get cigarrettes I came off my bike and dislocated my shoulder. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 17

By ThatFMLKid101 - 26/04/2016 09:04 - United Kingdom - Sunderland

Today, I helped an elderly lady cross the road and as I did this I put my bike down at the side of the road, while crossing the road I see a tall man in a hoodie riding away with my bike. This is what happens when you decide to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 12

By Anon - 26/04/2016 08:47 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my husband told me I need to go to anger management. The reason? Because when I don't agree to do what he wants I make him so angry he hits me. I need to learn to not make him angry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 46

By sunny_funny - 26/04/2016 08:36 - United Kingdom - Wallington

Today, I travelled over two thousand miles to stay with my husband's parents. His dad called me by his ex girlfriends name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 32

By Ray - 26/04/2016 08:31 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today is my 21st Birthday. Not only do I have a stomach ulcer, I have to be in class from 9am to 8pm tonight and then attend a program dinner which wont end untill 10...this day was supposed to be fun. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 29

By Jman356 - 26/04/2016 08:25 - Australia - Kew

Today, I decided to prank my mum by putting lesbian porn on her phone. When she opened it, instead of being surprised, she raised her eyebrows and said she would go have a shower. She then proceeded to have a very long shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 65

By average_auzziez - 26/04/2016 08:04 - Australia - Hughesdale

Today, my 17 year old daughters laziness reached a new level when she asked me to buy her a sippy cup, so she doesn't need to sit up from bed to drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 23

By spideryann - 26/04/2016 08:01 - Gabon - Libreville

Today, my nutty ex-girlfriend has told our families and friends that I refuse to tell her if I want to pursue our relationship, so she could move on. I split up with her last time we've met, about a month ago. Now her mother called me to convince me to let her go, making me the psycho of us 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 7

By Mixed Signals - 26/04/2016 07:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I showed my girlfriend a funny FML about some guy getting a wake up blowjob, and him pissing on her, thinking I was hinting something, she decided to give it a try thinking it wouldn't happen to me. Think again... FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 18

By maledictus - 26/04/2016 07:49 - United States

Today, I got side wiped going to my office. The police car next to me didn't even see it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 9

By I'm not rich - 26/04/2016 07:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I received the paper quote for my families insurance. We were quoted over the phone for around $230 for all four of us; the letter says we get to pay $459 a month with me paying $290 alone. I can practically see our insurance agent flipping us off in his aviators and new BMW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 5

By xaxxonjolly - 26/04/2016 07:44

Today, I was excited to get a text message, as none of my friends had been in touch for ages. When I looked at my phone, I realised it was a security code from Microsoft that I'd requested just SECONDS ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 25

By rogue92 - 26/04/2016 07:34 - United States - San Diego

Today, I got online to read some FML's only to notice the website had been updated to reflect the political correctness of the world by replacing the "you deserved it" button with "glad it wasn't me". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 21

By Streetsign executer - 26/04/2016 07:31 - Denmark - Roskilde

Today, I was crossing a street with my dog, trying to both concentrate on a car comming towards us and an elderly couple bicycling very unsteady. This resulted in me smashing my head against a low hanging streetsign. Which is now on YouTube.

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 18

By single - 26/04/2016 07:21 - United States - Sarasota

Today, I almost shit my pants in front of my boyfriend, his mom and his dad. All while his mom was digging into my personal life and my boyfriend was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By BlushingAlice - 26/04/2016 07:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I attempted to share a photo with my husband in a group on facebook. The app glitched posting the wrong picture, publicly on my profile. This resulted in my mother in law seeing my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 13

By BlushingAlice - 26/04/2016 07:10 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was attempting to post a photo for my husband in a group on facebook...the app glitched and the wrong photo was posted, publicly. This resulted in my mothering law seeing my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 14

By anonymoux - 26/04/2016 07:05 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling like trash. About 5 hours ago I made myself some cereal and went to lay don't on the couch with it, about an hour ago I woke up to find that I fell asleep before taking my first bite. I woke up cuddling the now empty bowl. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

By otrdriver - 26/04/2016 07:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time in weeks I decided to really treat myself to a nice meal. I stopped buy a nice steakhouse and ordered a 25 ounce sirloin and a loaded baked potato. I am now stuck in my semi truck with rancid meat farts and it's dumping buckets of rain so I can't crack a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 06:16 - Canada - Delta

Today, My girlfriend broke up with me because "You wont be able to provide for a family" shes now going out with my neighbour's baby sitter. My school ends in a week and I have a job offer already. Im a welder/fabricator... FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 6

By dasmarra - 26/04/2016 06:12 - Germany - Hanover

Today, I was talking about my mom about gay marriage. She told me that she always suspected me to have an "interest" for that topic. When asking her what she means by that, she pointed out that she found my hidden stack of gay manga. They are a birthday present for a friend. At least most are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 11

By lol - 26/04/2016 06:10 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out my boyfriend broke up with me via Facebook relationship status. We live together.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 8

By AllAloneAdult - 26/04/2016 05:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the truth hit hard. I'm a 19 year old who has had two knee surgeries before turning 18. I will certainly need two more knee surgeries in the future. I have an ankle that doesn't sit right, a wrist I can't use properly due to shattering it.. I'm falling apart in more ways than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 13

By Username - 26/04/2016 05:48 - United States - Laurel

My cat has a better sex life than me. Luckily I get enough money from her kittens to pay my bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 9

By DDDD_Gigi - 26/04/2016 05:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, was my grandma's friends birthday party, so I was invited. At the party a 86 year old man asked if he could marry me..... I'm 14 years old and haven't even started high school. He was the first guy to ever hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 7

By Stigmamma - 26/04/2016 05:46 - Australia - Geelong

Today, my boyfriend called me a sook for wanting to go sleep earlier when I had to get up an hour early to drive him to work. I have low blood pressure and have passed out before when I haven't slept for long enough. He knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 6

By Sigh - 26/04/2016 05:40 - United States - Morgantown

Today is less than two weeks until AP exams begin. We haven't finished the class content or reviewed. Nobody in my class knows shit. I average 4 hours of sleep from AP homework. If I don't get a 5, that's a waste of my life, physical, and mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 8

By anon - 26/04/2016 05:35 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had a lady tell me her water was too melty. It's been 12 hours and I still have yet to figure out what that means. Then she stuffed me on a $90 check. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 3

By Sosa - 26/04/2016 05:14 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my boyfriend told me I was embarrassing for dropping guacamole on my shirt, he then accidentally dropped sour cream on his shirt, so I pointed out how embarrassing it was. The fight ended with him throwing a cup of salsa on me in the middle of a restaurant and ruining my 40$ white shirt, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 8

By ACTUALLYsick - 26/04/2016 05:13 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my brother is home from school, for the 7th time in 3 weeks, due to another 'stomach ache' that he seems to mysteriously get every morning. Whilst he spends the day on the Xbox, eating junk food, I attend school with a raging head cold and a bunch of tissues and throat lozenges in hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, it's been a week my husband started pouting since I gave birth to our third and final baby, who is also our third boy. He’s pouting that he didn’t get the daughter he wanted. It’s so cute watching him sulk, but he’s also a pain in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 248

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 65

Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 2 121

Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 118

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 215

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 223