Nearly FML

By Celestialfur - 24/04/2016 05:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent 10 hours finishing a paper that is due Monday...Once I finished I noticed the teacher emailed us and cancelled the paper. FML

agreeclassic 18

vote type 1 3

By annomyous6898 - 24/04/2016 04:50 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I got in a car accident and my parents didn't even ask if I was ok they just wanted to make sure the car was towed by AAA so they could avoid the towing fee. FML.

agreeclassic 17

vote type 1 4

By markcantlarp - 24/04/2016 04:50 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I lived out a childhood dream and saw snow for the first time, unfortunately I also wreaked my new car on the side of mountain as well. FML

agreeclassic 15

vote type 1 4

By Gvnfree - 24/04/2016 04:30 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, Me and my family went to see a movie it was great aside from my father's girlfriend's 5year old daughter would not stop talking, making sounds, and trying to lay on me. After the movie I was pretty ready to go home, instead, in a 5-1 vote we stayed and watched Zootopia FML.

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 4

By Sure? - 24/04/2016 04:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I worked up the courage to finally ask out this girl I really liked. She paused for a second, and uncertainly said "sure?" with a shrug. FML

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 4

By fml - 24/04/2016 03:58 - United States - Cookeville

Today, I realized I started my period. only after, I sneezed and a random lady on the street asked if I sat on a red crayon. FML

agreeclassic 19

vote type 1 5

By AncientKnees - 24/04/2016 03:50 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I can barely move. Yesterday's schedule consisted of Tae Kwon Do, PE, ballroom dancing (essentially hopping around in high heels, mostly on a really bouncy dance called the Samba), and standing for 7 hours for work. I am hobbling around like an old lady and I am only 17. FML

agreeclassic 14

vote type 1 6

By deathrise007 - 24/04/2016 03:49 - United States

Today, at a baseball game, I caught a home run ball. The man behind me decided to swipe it from my hands. I returned the favor by punching him in the face. I ended up getting escorted out of the field, without the ball and a threat to press charges. FML

agreeclassic 12

vote type 1 8

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 03:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tripped and while trying to break my fall accidentally punched my calculus professor in the face. FML

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 6

By toddlersntierra - 24/04/2016 02:57 - United States - Southfield

Today, the boy who I've been dating exclusively and seeing nearly every day for 6 months told me the day of, that he has a son and that his baby's mother was coming indefinitely. He then proceeded to block me after telling me we can be "friends" but he has to be with her for his "son's sake." FML.

agreeclassic 12

vote type 1 7

By AHeart4Nature - 24/04/2016 02:53 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my mum was choking on a Mc Donald's fry. I was laughing hard until she coughed it up into my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 13

vote type 1 7

By Shi... - 24/04/2016 02:51 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, after a week of discussion, my girlfriend of 7 months decided she wanted both of us to lose our virginity. All is well, 2 hours before I get chronic diarrhea and have to cancel, she goes on holiday for 3 weeks in 4 days. FML.

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:50 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend tried bondage. He took me being tied up naked as a chance to tickle me until I peed myself and cried. FML

agreeclassic 19

vote type 1 8

By whyme - 24/04/2016 02:43 - United States - Tampa

Today, I found out that the guy I've been chatting with and falling for online and who, by the way, constantly made up excuses about why he couldn't skype, is actually my cousin. FML.

agreeclassic 15

vote type 1 6

By birthday blues - 24/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Carthage

Today, my parents give gifts to everyone for their birthday except me. I'm the only one who has a birthday so far this year and still have not received anything. FML

agreeclassic 12

vote type 1 6

By Drunken Mess - 24/04/2016 02:37

Today, I went out partying with my drunken mess of a friend. She wanted to dance and sprinted to the dance floor. I chased after her worried that she'd slip, fall and embarrass herself. She fell, I tripped on her foot and brought four grown men down on top of us. FML

agreeclassic 11

vote type 1 7

By anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:31 - United States - Shawnee

Today, I was fired for "slacking off". I was asking a coworker a question about my job. Its my first day. FML

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 5

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Eagle River

Today my 2 hour hair appointment turned into 5 hours when the stylist mixed the color wrong and turned my hair hot pink. I asked for a deep red color. It took 3 hours for her to fix it. FML

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 4

By BarelyMakingIt - 24/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Forney

Today, I realized that raising a child with autism is much like the 4th circle of hell. And I don't know what to tell myself. He's just getting stronger, more aggressive, and harder to deal with. And he'll never be able to hold a job or live on his own, and there's basically no one to help us. FML.

agreeclassic 19

vote type 1 8

By anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:15 - United States - Miami

Today, my family stayed at a hotel for a travel tournament. My 12 year old sister waited until she thought everyone was sleeping to start masturbating. I had to listen to the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 18

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I found out that not only did my now ex boyfriend lie to me about giving me his virginity, he also has another girlfriend who has clearly been pregnant with his child since before we were official. FML

agreeclassic 15

vote type 1 5

By haiHowAreYa - 24/04/2016 02:09 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I went to go get the new iPhone from a Verizon store near where I live. After I purchased it and everything, they told me it wouldn't be at my house until June. Well, here's to over a month of waiting. FML

agreeclassic 12

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:08 - United States

Today, at my job at a one man kiosk convenient store I had to go use the restroom majorly. I had a long line and ended up shitting my pants and having to wait 2 hours to go change. FML

agreeclassic 13

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 02:01 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I found out that the "skin condition" that I've had since puberty is actually a completely normal, healthy thing that absolutely everyone has. Apparently, every beauty blog saying the best way to get rid of them were not aware of this either. Ten years of self-hate for nothing. FML

agreeclassic 15

vote type 1 5

By isodontgetit - 24/04/2016 01:53 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my physically disabled mum fell, hurting her leg. Normally I'd be able to help, but I'm currently sporting a broken arm. FML

agreeclassic 11

vote type 1 4

By HylianBadger - 24/04/2016 01:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today is the 1st anniversary of my wedding with my husband. It is also the anniversary in which my mother, a woman I heavily looked up to, tried to purposely sabatoge our marriage. I can't even be happy about my own anniversary because I link it to the most horrible memory that I have. Fml

agreeclassic 13

vote type 1 5

By holly_fly - 24/04/2016 01:28 - United States

Today, I nearly orgasmed scratching a rash. FML

agreeclassic 9

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 01:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while masturbating, my vibrator died seconds before I climaxed. I had to walk across the street to pick up new batteries just to finish. FML

agreeclassic 15

vote type 1 5

By Swag Daddy - 24/04/2016 00:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was a friend of a friends baby shower that i was asked to attend and one of the games was decorating a onesie for the girl and i thought it would be cute for it to say fresh out the oven and ready for lovin' but it turns out the parents are jewish and thought it was an intended cruel joke FML

agreeclassic 13

vote type 1 5

By Chris_calgary - 24/04/2016 00:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I hadn't contacted her in two days. Two days ago I dropped an engine on my phone. FML

agreeclassic 11

vote type 1 7

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I got a notification from a delivery carrier that my package had been delivered. I opened the door to find a perfectly wrapped box with no address, no label, and a note inside saying, "You’ll know when it’s time." I still don’t know what it means. FML

agreeclassic 386

vote type 1 80

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

agreeclassic 51 725

vote type 1 3 693

Today, I had an asthma attack while walking home with my friends. As I was struggling to breathe, they thought I was attention-seeking and left me on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 1 118

vote type 1 110

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

agreeclassic 30 045

vote type 1 2 667

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 23 964

vote type 1 5 681

Today, after three interviews, I accepted an offer for my dream job and submitted my notice. The company called me to say they couldn't contact my referees and have now withdrawn the offer. I'm now officially unemployed. FML

agreeclassic 1 045

vote type 1 209