Nearly FMLs

By slothstronaught - 26/04/2016 02:50 - United States - Schofield

Today, at work a cute fill in employee struck up a conversation with me. We seemingly hit it off so I invited her out to grab drinks. It was then I found out she was actually 16 and my bosses daughter. fml

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 4

By Badwife - 26/04/2016 02:49 - United States - Canton

Today I hit a car, a parked car. My husband's parked car, in our driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went tanning, this isn't the first time I've gone so I figured I'd be fine. Long story short, I forgot to put lotion on some areas and am now pressing whatever I can find that's cold to my ass. I can't even sit right, and am likely forced to sleep on my stomach tonight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 10

By fml_br1908 - 26/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I went to the pool. I had to witnesses my 14 year-old cousin hide something under his man boobs for a dollar. Those somethings were my nose plug and mouth guard. My varsity swim test was in 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

By Chronically In Pain - 26/04/2016 02:30 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I had to result to ordering headache meds on Amazon. Because my parents don't believe that when you suffer from chronic migraines going for the cheapest and least amount of pills than accusing me of using them up too fast is forcing me to buy them behind they're backs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

By PooCleaner - 26/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Washington

Today, my 8 year old got up to go to the bathroom. A few moments later, I heard items crashing onto the floor. She had knocked over a whole shelf's items into the toilet. Where she pooped. Guess who dug it all out? Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 6

By gabbieg - 26/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Worcester

Today, the guy I was seeing got back together with his ex-girlfriend an hour after I had blown him in his truck

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 4

By Constant Disappointment - 26/04/2016 02:26 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, my grandmum had made me go to a therapist the third time this month because she thinks that I shouldn't be able to go on vacation with my boyfriend, while in college... It's either lose my college $$$ or miss out on a romantic cruise with the man I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 7

By leafs8fan - 26/04/2016 02:25 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, i dyed my hair. The package says brown. It actually is expired, which makes it yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

By LiveForSenpai - 26/04/2016 02:21 - United States

Today, while having a drink, I noticed a gigantic spider about to enter my mouth. I instinctively threw my cup, splattering the white walls with bright red smoothie, and vomitted on my carpet a moment later. Now, my room looks like a murder scene, and I still can't find the damn spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 3

By why - 26/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Hope Mills

Today, I was getting pretty naughty with my boyfriend. When I came in contact with his penis, though, his immediate reaction was to knee me in the gut and catapult me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

By AlwaysNeatApparently - 26/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I realized I can no longer keep my room messy. I literally tried and it irks me until I clean it up. I was trying to keep it messy to relieve stress from keeping it clean all of the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 4

By I love midterms - 26/04/2016 02:06 - United States - Portland

Today, I decided to procrastinate my midterm studying by watching the Spongebob episode where he procrastinates writing his essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

By Runner in Training - 26/04/2016 02:03 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I was running the mile at school. I was in first and finished my first lap in 1:24 until I fell over and puked in front of my entire PE class of 60. In that 60 included my best guy friend, 2 of my ex's and my crush.

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 4

By zebra face - 26/04/2016 01:58 - United States

Today, I got a nice spray tan for my upcoming prom. It would have turned out great, but today also happened to be the day that my boyfriend confessed to cheating on me and broke up with me for the other girl. I now have tear streaks all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

By TG Unkn0wn - 26/04/2016 01:57 - United States - Pearl River

Today was my first day back to school from an eight day hospital visit. Everybody now assumes that I had cancer or pneumonia and will not talk to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 3

By justcallmejenner - 26/04/2016 01:47 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a therapy site. I told the listener my problems, and they shamed me for 'trolling' and told me to grow up. Thing is, I wasn't trolling. My dad is actually a transgender and doesn't want me to be apart of his life anymore. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 4

By julako - 26/04/2016 01:46 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my new flatmate changed her mind on wanting to live here, as she did the week before and when moving in four weeks ago. It was also then when she told me she sometimes finds it hard to make a decision. Thanks for the information I guess. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 2

By bigwell - 26/04/2016 01:44 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while on picket duty all day in the sun, I not only didn't get paid but I got sun poisoning. It wouldn't be bad except for the fact that my forehead is purple and I have raccoon eyes...FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 2

By QueenOfProcrastination - 26/04/2016 01:38 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, after 2 months of reading at least 5 pages of FMLs on my phone in the bathroom, I finally got to the last page of FMLs on this website. What has my life come to? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 8

By kailah2017 - 26/04/2016 01:38 - United States - Superior

Today, I went to retrieve the mail outside. I closed my actual door that locks instead of the screendoor, only because my 2 puppies have learned how to open it and run outside. When I got back to door and tried to open it, it was locked. I live alone with my puppies and left my purse inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 2

By otakuforlife - 26/04/2016 01:34 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I realized the highlight of my week so far is watching Sailor Moon on Hulu. In my room at my parent's place where I live involuntarily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

By Onewaytogethispantsoff... - 26/04/2016 01:33 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I bumped into my crush. I was so nervous when he gave me a hug that I spilled my full glass of red wine all over him. And his girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

By I deserved this - 26/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Winchester

Today, after a crappy day, I went here to laugh at other people's misery. The website's update hurts my eyes and I can only read it without my glasses. I can't read without my glasses at all. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 7

By Uh-oh - 26/04/2016 01:31 - United States - Novato

Today, I woke up to the sound of screaming: my two daughters had found their hamster had gotten wet overnight. To warm him up, they put the poor little thing into the microwave, and now I need a new microwave.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 10

By coffeebooks - 26/04/2016 01:31 - United States - Boston

Today, I said "You too" instead of "thanks".... to a girl asking me if I needed a mint. She got insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 16

By Ebaybidderscrewed - 26/04/2016 01:29 - Canada - Montr?al

Today I was bidding on a nice skirt on ebay for my wife and I did typo of 85089$ instead of 85.89$. Since it happened less than 5 minutes before deadline, I couldn't correct my mistake. It watched the price goes up to 500$ powerless... FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 18

By LycheeBerri - 26/04/2016 01:23 - United States - Germantown

Today, I actually managed to injure myself opening a new carton of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 12

By pillowmountain - 26/04/2016 01:15 - United States - Columbia

Today, i was doing laundry and my roommate is a major couponer. he has over 7 years worth of detergent if he washed his clothes once a day. I asked if I could use a cap for my laundry, he said no because "he may run out soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

By Allergy boy - 26/04/2016 01:10 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my girlfriend bought me a dog. I'm allergic to dogs. She knows it too.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 4

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 856

You deserved it 7 921

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 347

You deserved it 7 427

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 180

You deserved it 2 252

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 366

You deserved it 3 842

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 175

You deserved it 3 242

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 543