Nearly FML

By HarleenQuinzel19 - 26/04/2016 19:15 - United States - West Orange

Today, I found out my allergies might be a sinus infection. I'm allergic to allergy medicine so I can't take that to help, and my exam plays go up in two days. FML.

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 8

By Angry wife - 26/04/2016 19:13 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I looked in the bank and $40 was used at a mildly expensive restaurant my husband, who lives an hour away for work, went to today. I haven't been able to buy groceries for 2 weeks and I starve myself for days so my daughter has enough food. all he has to say is sorry. FML

agreeclassic 88

vote type 1 9

By JimmyPurpl - 26/04/2016 19:10 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, FML took away the "you deserve it" option so now we are stuck with two sympathetic options for the assholes of the internet. Great. FML

agreeclassic 146

vote type 1 34

By Serviteur - 26/04/2016 19:05 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I had a Geometry test, after my Chemistry test. Normally this wouldn't be bad, except for the fact that my Chemistry teacher wipes the calculators before each test, so all of my settings reset to factory before I went to take my Geometry test, this change caused me to fail that test, FML

agreeclassic 57

vote type 1 10

By soodytheboi - 26/04/2016 19:04 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, my math grade is a 52. Only because of an issue on my teacher's grading platform that made my most recent project grade a zero. When I got my project back in paper I saw that I got a 90. When I asked my teacher about it, she said she won't change the grade to what I actually got. FML

agreeclassic 69

vote type 1 10

By thatguy35420 - 26/04/2016 19:04 - United States

Today, my wife and I drive 3 hours in order to settle our tax dispute with the IRS only to realize that they are no longer taking customers at the IRS office.FML

agreeclassic 47

vote type 1 13

By JasonV13 - 26/04/2016 19:01 - United Kingdom - Oldham

Today, I have finally recovered from drinking the other night for my 21st. What happened? It was going well until someone slipped a pill in my drink. So far I have a headache, a tattoo, so many angry messages from strangers, I woke up in the hospital and I have no idea what the hell happened. FML

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 10

By Will_Lawson - 26/04/2016 18:46 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had just opened a package with my new 400 dollar custom turtle beaches my deadbeat uncle who was living in my apartment through them out of my window I live four floors up. His excuse I shouldn't waste money that I need. The money was extra that I had saved up. FML

agreeclassic 37

vote type 1 8

By depressed - 26/04/2016 18:40 - United States - Dayton

Today, my roommate left our two cats together which I have asked him multiple times not to do. I came home at lunch to find my cats bloody corpse under the sink. His cat murdered mine. FML.

agreeclassic 81

vote type 1 4

By gabbleduck - 26/04/2016 18:32 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, I finally got my car back after having the bonnet resprayed and mending after it was damaged. Today was also the day that an unseasonal and biblical hail storm passed through. My car now looks more pockmarked than a teenagers face.

agreeclassic 38

vote type 1 2

By Krayzie16_ - 26/04/2016 18:28 - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend left me.. for my ex boyfriend. FML.

agreeclassic 54

vote type 1 6

By getting picked on - 26/04/2016 18:26 - Canada - Regina

Today, during my math class I wasn't using my phone at all, then decided to check the time and immediately got ragged on by my teacher but the person beside me was on snapchat the entire class. FML

agreeclassic 29

vote type 1 14

By Sapphire - 26/04/2016 18:23 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I completely forgot I was on my period. I had worked an 11 hour shift; was exhausted and I fell asleep without a pad or tampon... I woke up 4 hours later, in pain from cramps and lying in my own blood. I couldn't sleep any more after that, because my sheets were ruined. FML.

agreeclassic 39

vote type 1 9

By together 5 years - 26/04/2016 18:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend said that he sometimes thinks I'm straight, we've been together 5 years and have had sex many times. FML

agreeclassic 30

vote type 1 9

By caroline43872 - 26/04/2016 18:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my dad wanted help cleaning out the gutters. So I got up on the ladder, but I'm on a med that's given me diarrhea all morning. Halfway down the ladder I yell "DAD I GOTTA GO" and I frantically start climbing down faster. I slipped and fell off, and then promptly shit myself. FML.

agreeclassic 52

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 18:05 - United States

Today I misheard the name that was called in an award ceremony and thought it was me, I finally realized it wasn't when I went outside to get my award. Everybody saw me go up so now when they congratulate me I have to tell them that it wasn't me. FML.

agreeclassic 29

vote type 1 6

By HugoAedo - 26/04/2016 18:03 - Panama - Panama

Today, I asked my professor for an assignment I deliver to him a month ago. He said to me that I needed to do it again because he'll no waste his time searching for it. There goes two straight days of no sleep. FML

agreeclassic 40

vote type 1 4

By Fu**ingbirds - 26/04/2016 18:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, i found out after spending 5 hours yesterday cleaning my 2 cars which needed it badly that they now have a thick coat of bird shit all over them FML

agreeclassic 30

vote type 1 7

By A username - 26/04/2016 17:59 - United States - Laurel

Today, my girlfriend broke up with because a prefer Team Iron Man over Team Captain America. FML

agreeclassic 27

vote type 1 9

By Music - 26/04/2016 17:44 - United States - New York

Today, I have a concussion and a blaring headache. Why? Because out of an entire SOLD OUT concert venue... a crowd surfer decided to kick ME in the back of the head and get dropped on me. FML.

agreeclassic 33

vote type 1 8

By Minkus - 26/04/2016 17:43 - United States - Ozark

Today, I finally admitted to the woman I love that I've spent the last year reconstructing myself entirely to be better for her only to be told I'm not worth her time. FML

agreeclassic 29

vote type 1 9

By grounded - 26/04/2016 17:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got grounded. The reason... A FML notification came up on my phone and my mum thought FML was a porn sight and that FML meant "Fuck Me Loud" she still thinks it does and still won't talk to me and now she has convinced my father into thinking that's what it means... FML

agreeclassic 46

vote type 1 5

By anonymous - 26/04/2016 17:33 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of two years had kissed the guy she's been saying was "just a friend" after a late night get together that I wasn't invited to. The same guy that she would get mad and defensive if I questioned his intent.

agreeclassic 29

vote type 1 8

By Afroman720 - 26/04/2016 17:32 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after taking my daily morning poo I stood up, only to have my favorite pen fall out of my back pocket right into the giant turd I had just dropped. I had to reach in my own crap to get the pen out so I could throw it away. I thought this stuff was only supposed to happen on Monday's. FML

agreeclassic 27

vote type 1 7

By FML_SideWays69 - 26/04/2016 17:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while taking a shower my dad burst through the door and startled me, making me sling soap in my eyes. I slipped, giving me a severe concussion. FML

agreeclassic 34

vote type 1 4

By Anon - 26/04/2016 17:29 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that when my dog curled up next to me on my bed, I got a boner. FML.

agreeclassic 63

vote type 1 6

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 17:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, so many people were coming over and our neighbors know we're Egyptian. They called the cops because they thought we were plotting a terrorist attack. Those people were visiting because my uncle died. FML

agreeclassic 73

vote type 1 3

By Dahlface - 26/04/2016 17:21 - United States - Arlington

Today, I misread an ID and sold alcohol to an underage operative from the department of alcohol and beverage of the state. This is the first time this has happened, I'm a very good employee that my boss adores but because of an honest mistake I'll find out I'm terminated by end of day. FML

agreeclassic 46

vote type 1 34

By moldypickles - 26/04/2016 17:19 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I drove 3 hours to attend my niece's birthday party. As she was opening presents her eye caught mine and she paused, and proceeded to ask me in front of everyone why I looked like I wanted to murder someone. Sadly, thats just my face. FML.

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 122

By Notzimia - 26/04/2016 17:18 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, half of my class tried to convince me that computers are sentient. I pointed out Alan Turing himself said that they cannot think for themselves and my science teacher called me stupid. We are in the top class in school, and this science teacher had to google how to spell "Hydrogen." FML.

agreeclassic 356

vote type 1 36

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Top

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

agreeclassic 46 620

vote type 1 7 475

Today, my roommate used my PC without asking. Long story short, it's now infected with ransomware. The dissertation I've been working on for months is now encrypted, along with all the backups on my second hard drive. Now I have to pay the hackers $1,500 to get the decryption key. FML

agreeclassic 22 492

vote type 1 2 133

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

agreeclassic 37 606

vote type 1 5 462

Today, a relative showed me a picture of her phone. I also saw a picture of her husband, a friend, sleeping. He looked like he was dead to the world. I asked, jokingly, "Why is there a picture of a dead guy on your phone?" Turns out it was her father, who is in the hospital, and dying any day now. FML

agreeclassic 346

vote type 1 829

Today, I was promoted to a management position and finally get to have my own office, only to find out it's located in the basement and has no windows. FML

agreeclassic 898

vote type 1 138

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

agreeclassic 48 654

vote type 1 9 141