Nearly FML

By Biebs_ - 26/04/2016 17:18 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, the little eight-year-old boy I was babysitting called me a psychopathic bitch because I didn't give him Oreos. FML

agreeclassic 378

vote type 1 62

By TripleDairy - 26/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I had to get a root canal and a cap put on my front tooth. Why? Because some jerk off threw a stick at my face, even though I told him not to, FML.

agreeclassic 261

vote type 1 59

By isnobodyhere - 26/04/2016 17:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I contacted my ex boyfriend for the first time since we broke up in two years. He claims his life took a huge turn towards the better and is glad I'm gone. I, however, struggle to make ends meet and hate waking up each day. FML

agreeclassic 262

vote type 1 67

By r!holl - 26/04/2016 17:07 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I wondered why my sister wasn't home yet considering she's usually home at a certain time. I go outside to see if her car is there and as I approach it I hear music blasting but she's not in the front seat. I scan the car just to find her masturbating in her back seat. FML.

agreeclassic 294

vote type 1 36

By GottaLoveIBS - 26/04/2016 17:03 - Sweden - Upplands-v?sby

Today, I accidentally sharted while walking home from work on a very crowded street! FML

agreeclassic 234

vote type 1 57

By Kara_araK - 26/04/2016 16:57 - South Africa - Roodepoort

Today, the neighbours once again let their rabbits out and one of them got run over. As I drove past it, I tried to drive around the dead rabbit to leave it somewhat dignified but as I looked into my mirror, I realised that now it was not only dead, but completely flat as a result of my tyre. FML

agreeclassic 186

vote type 1 40

By Cakeknight - 26/04/2016 16:56 - United States - Houston

Today, i found out my sister started her period. How did i find out? By walking into the bathroom to brush my teeth only to find blood on the toilet seat and a soaked pad in the trash. FML.

agreeclassic 202

vote type 1 46

By Dammitpeople - 26/04/2016 16:55 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, in the bus, my daughter had a full blown meltdown while we were passing near a prison, saying stuff like "Life hurts" and "Why doesn't anybody says hello to me on the bus?". A creepy random guy kept agreeing with her, saying stuff like "So true" and "I totally get you, girl". FML

agreeclassic 185

vote type 1 35

By not_your_taco - 26/04/2016 16:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister informed me that two of her friends had sex in my yet bed again. Sadly, this was not the first time this has happened, nor the second, and not the third. And each time it's a new couple.

agreeclassic 108

vote type 1 11

By thestrainisreal - 26/04/2016 16:55 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, the "constipation" side affects of the medication I'm taking actually means "your poop will be the consistency of granite." FML

agreeclassic 122

vote type 1 14

By Pride - 26/04/2016 16:52

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me. With a guy. We're lesbians. FML.

agreeclassic 120

vote type 1 18

By fucked driver - 26/04/2016 16:52 - United States - Pelham

Today, while inside the bank somebody hit my car and drove away. The crash pushed my car onto the sidewalk. Then to top it off I got a ticket for parking on the side walk. FML

agreeclassic 101

vote type 1 4

By Kara_araK - 26/04/2016 16:52 - South Africa - Roodepoort

Today, I was feeling self-conscious about my stretch marks on my stomach and complained to my fiancé. He said "It's okay, they almost make a full circle so it's not that bad". FML

agreeclassic 71

vote type 1 8

By bri - 26/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Arlington

Today, I received yet another message from my 54 year old neighbor talking about wanting to having sex with me. I had to explain to him that I wouldn't do anything with him because he's 37 years older than me, but he ignored all the signs of me saying no and told me it didn't matter. FML

agreeclassic 105

vote type 1 4

By Doc. Funny - 26/04/2016 16:47 - Italy - Palermo

Today my cat got operated for an eye problem, while he was drugged after the operation he tought it would be funny to scratch my intimaties, the doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

agreeclassic 71

vote type 1 11

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 16:44 - United States - Athens

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 7 months. In the middle of sex, her roommate comes over to her door, claws at the door, meows and throws things at it for a solid 20-30 minutes till my girlfriend comes out and had to be social with her because she wanted "attention" as well. FML

agreeclassic 88

vote type 1 5

By justnotenough - 26/04/2016 16:42 - United States - Mission

Today, I forgot to pack my lunch for work, so I decided to go to the vending machine and just get a bag of chips. All I needed was 60 cents for chips. I only had 59 cents on me. This seems to be a representation of my life, always coming up just short. FML

agreeclassic 88

vote type 1 18

By Still a kid in my parents eyes - 26/04/2016 16:39 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I realized my parents preach about the wonders of just living with them like my aunt did with my grandmother. Only they practically demand I go on outings with them and treat me like an ingrate if I don't. They don't believe that I have my own life at 24. FML

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 4

By thatoneguy500 - 26/04/2016 16:31 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask the girl I like out. Turns out she just decided she was a lesbian.FML

agreeclassic 71

vote type 1 14

By dumped234 - 26/04/2016 16:30 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today I went to the supermarket. Normal right? Nope. I saw a guy kissing a girl this wouldn't be a problem as I do this with my boyfriend. Guess who was kissing? My boyfriend........and my sister.my boyfriend is 22, my sister is 14.FML

agreeclassic 117

vote type 1 5

By blancnoelle - 26/04/2016 16:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriends dad walked in on me riding him. Then walked in the room put some folded laundry on the bed and walked out. I panicked and froze on top of him.

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 8

By Lunchbox - 26/04/2016 16:21 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love and as I was reaching my climax, I push her off and she asks, "Do you feel it?" To which my only response was, "I feel it Mr. Krabs" She then laughed for 10 straight minutes afterwards FML.

agreeclassic 63

vote type 1 14

By StetsonSalvatore - 26/04/2016 16:09 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I woke up to an email from FML saying my story was published. I was so excited, I went to check the app itself. Turns out they unintentionally sent the wrong email to me. FML

agreeclassic 92

vote type 1 9

By PotHead - 26/04/2016 16:07 - United States - Arlington

Today, my girlfriend got me into smoking and drinking. Fast forward a couple months to when she quits and breaks up with me because I'm a bad influence.

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 6

By Pee Dreams - 26/04/2016 16:02 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I spent the night at my boyfriends house for the first time. I woke up at 3 in the morning because I realized I was laying in my own piss... I'm 21... FML

agreeclassic 728

vote type 1 123

By c.love58 - 26/04/2016 15:56 - United States - Allendale

Today, we stopped at a rest stop to eat lunch. In the bathrooms, my dad didn't know there was someone in a stall, thinking we were alone. After the person farted really loud, my dad told me to be a little quieter and said that I should eat less. FML

agreeclassic 54

vote type 1 5

By brinnneyy - 26/04/2016 15:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to sit on the couch and my little sister decided to sprawl out so I had no room. once I sat on the floor my mom asked her why she did that and she said she needed space to think. then she let my dog sit on the couch while I sat on the floor like an idiot. FML

agreeclassic 46

vote type 1 10

By Mondays - 26/04/2016 15:30 - Finland - Rovaniemi

Today, it has been weeks since my best friend talked to me. All because I sent him a postcard from my trip to his home instead of his office and his dog ate it. I don't have his office address. He knows this. FML

agreeclassic 42

vote type 1 8

By anon - 26/04/2016 15:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent $100 on a custom made house for my hamster. He hates it. FML

agreeclassic 585

vote type 1 267

By Thinking about running - 26/04/2016 15:13 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I realized my parents have gone out of they're way to make it impossible for me to move out. Mom once resorted to guilt tripping. I'm seriously considering just selling my stuff pocketing the money and leaving one day soon. The only problem is my little brother who would track me down. FML

agreeclassic 58

vote type 1 4

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

agreeclassic 33 948

vote type 1 5 113

Today, I miscarried my baby. My teen sister, who has autism and can’t handle being around children, congratulated me on getting my freedom back, and also on miscarrying before I got fat like our mom. I can’t even yell at her because she wouldn’t understand why I’m upset. FML

agreeclassic 1 667

vote type 1 169

Today, my wife has been using "pregnancy hormones" as an excuse for absolutely everything. Spills a milkshake in bed at one in the morning? Pregnancy hormones! Cries about a hole in her sock? Pregnancy hormones! Gets caught fucking her coworker? Pregnancy hormones! FML

agreeclassic 2 186

vote type 1 257

Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML

agreeclassic 563

vote type 1 119

Today, I took a night train for the first time. I woke up at 4 am to the beeping of smoke alarms and thick white smoke everywhere. The train had caught fire. FML

agreeclassic 3 115

vote type 1 176

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

agreeclassic 2 458

vote type 1 293