Nearly FMLs

By sadshowergirl - 26/04/2016 21:56 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the shower. Afterwards, we got out and I wrapped my hair up in a towel. His immediate reaction? "You look REALLY ugly." Thanks, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 5

By thatguy35420 - 26/04/2016 21:50 - United States

Today my wife and I drove over 3 hours to get to the IRS building in New Orleans to resolve our tax issues, only to be told they were no longer seeing people for that day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 11

By FoodPoisoningSucks - 26/04/2016 21:49 - United States - Lewisville

Today, as I was cooking dinner, I had the intense need to shit. As I was on the toilet, my pot overflowed onto the stovetop, causing the smoke detectors to go off and alert 911. I had to answer the door, pants less and still shitting myself, to explain to the (really hot) firemen what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 15

By Shadowtrooper34 - 26/04/2016 21:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, when I was in the lunch line my friend asked me how it was when I asked a girl out. I quietly said "She rejected me". He repeated it very loudly. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 21:38 - United States - Louisburg

Today, after struggling with my wife's alcoholism, but staying around out of love. I decided I wanted a divorce because she wouldn't agree to stop doing something I felt was unsafe with our one year old son. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 30

By sunshineveryday - 26/04/2016 21:30 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I went to get new shoes. I found a pair I really enjoyed and went to ask an employee if they had my size in stock. It was going great until the employee came back after 10 minutes of waiting in order to ask me if it mattered what size it was.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 33

By screwedbff - 26/04/2016 21:24 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my friend came back to my apartment from his surgery. Because he is currently homeless Myself and my fiance are letting him stay until his new place is settled next week. He didn't tell us that his surgery was so intense it would turn me into a nurse maid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 21:23 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I had my long awaited dermatology follow-up to check some irregular growths. I am so deeply depressed that I was hoping for terminal cancer. Nope, perfectly healthy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 84

By NoMethHere - 26/04/2016 21:12 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friends staged an intervention for me because they think I do meth due to the bleeding marks on my face. I don't do meth, I just have really bad acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 8

By oopsiflashed - 26/04/2016 21:11 - Switzerland - Geneve

Today, I was skyping this guy. It got heated; I took my clothes off as did he. Of course, the call failed. I called him back and- HIS DAD ANSWERED. My boobs were out.

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 20

By eternal sadness - 26/04/2016 21:11 - United States - Birmingham

Today, the girl of my dreams told me she loved me, and I had to tell her that I wanted to spend the rest of the rest of my life with her, but didn't want to break her heart if I died while deployed on active duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 15

By kendlejen - 26/04/2016 21:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my coworker admitted he wanted to sleep with me at the company party. But then he told me it was probably the eggnog talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Ender - 26/04/2016 20:57 - United States - Boerne

Today, my mother and father grounded me for a two months from art (which is my part-time job, meaning I'll have a fucking ton of catch up on), my iPod, phone, and hanging out with friends. Because I didn't stop my brother from taking their car to see a movie. I wasn't even home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 7

By LikeIceLikeFire - 26/04/2016 20:44 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, before leaving for uni, I sent two texts; one to my dad, thanking him for transferring my student loan to my account, and the other to my boyfriend, complimenting his "skills" from last night. Thirty minutes later, my boyfriend replied "what loan?" My dad still hasn't replied. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 20:36

Today I was in the movie theaters, my crush happened to be there. My crush turned around and looked at me. He smiled,winked and bit his lip. I smiled and puckered my lips. He looked at me weird, I turned around and my best friend was sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 22

By anonymous - 26/04/2016 20:32 - United States - Jersey City

Today, I walked into my Chem class early and walked in on my professor and my lab partner hooking up. She told me she was only hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 23

By WolfAvenge - 26/04/2016 20:27 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was rudely awakened in my new place to the sound of my roommate's chickens throwing themselves against my window. They do this each morning without fail because she refuses to wake up early enough to feed them before they get hangry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 11

By sickashell - 26/04/2016 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was set to fly to Norway to stay with my dad while I work my new dream job. I fell seriously ill a few days before and may have to have an operation- neither he, nor the rest of my family over there will accept my illness as an excuse, and still expect me to travel.

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Irving

Today, my wife and I drove 3 hours to the IRS office only to be told they are no longer taking applicants that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 25

By woops - 26/04/2016 20:05 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to have some sex. Her parents weren't home so we did it in the living room. Her dad although turned out to be in the washroom the whole time and walked in just as I am about to cum on her daughter's face. I got so scared I grabbed my clothes and ran outside FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 41

By wellshitthen - 26/04/2016 20:00 - United States - Westborough

Today, during sex, my man took out my vibrator. He insisted that he carefully study every possible combination of functions it had for ten minutes, all while ignoring me. When I asked him what he was doing, he said "sizing up the competition". He was serious. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 10

By queen_lol - 26/04/2016 19:57 - United States

Today, i found out that ny boyfriend is cheating on me, while pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 22

By He'sJustThatDumb - 26/04/2016 19:54 - United States - Chicago

Today, My sister tells us her boyfriend off and on since high school decide he wants to live out of a van. He's almost 30, it's a miracle if he can hold down a job for more than a few months to a year without feeling 'slighted'. We think he's still planning it. And wants my sister to go along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 6

By prendy112 - 26/04/2016 19:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard my sister tell her friends who she wanted to invite to her party. When her friend asked if I was going she said no and that i'd just find something else to do on that day... We're twins; her party is also my party and this is the first time im hearing of this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 4

By assphat789 - 26/04/2016 19:46 - Canada - Surrey

Today, after things started getting heated with me and the bf, he went down and starting exploring "down there." As I was about to climax, instead of the expected waves of pleasure my bf was greeted with a nice loud fart right in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 11

By doyouwantmedead - 26/04/2016 19:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised how much I hated socialising when I contemplated starving over going downstairs to see guests, since the food was in the same room as them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 19:34 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I did a good thing: during work, I found a ring with diamonds in a bathroom. I gave it back to the woman that left it (had to go out and run up to her). I told my father, and he told me that I should've kept it. Everything I do is criticized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 2

By BackProblems - 26/04/2016 19:28 - United States - Bronx

Today, is my birthday! Instead of enjoying my nice surprise birthday party my roommates threw me, I'm stuck in the hospital after being scared so hard, I punched someone and they punched me back, 7 times. I Now have a concussion, a broken nose, and a damaged cornea. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 16

By uhmhaicats - 26/04/2016 19:26 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work and my coworker was talking about a conversation she had with her boyfriend. She said, "Well if I tried to commit suicide unlike so and so I wouldn't make it." She was talking about me. I just got out for attempted suicide. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 8

By Pissed-off - 26/04/2016 19:17 - United States - Linthicum Heights

Today I cooked my grandfather lunch and walked into the room only to run back out after gagging from the smell. I spoke to my mother about it and we discovered to our horror that he's been peeing in plastic cups to avoid rushing to the bathroom... Which is right next door to him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 953

You deserved it 3 979

Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 645

You deserved it 978

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 528

You deserved it 58 130

Today, I begged my dad for money, for the first time ever, because even with two jobs I still can’t make rent. When asked why he sent way too little, he replied, "You always said you’d prefer to get love from me rather than money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 405

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 912

You deserved it 56 143

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!" She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 030

You deserved it 25 370