Nearly FMLs

By fuckyou6969 - 28/04/2016 16:23 - United States - Naperville

Today, I was smashing my lover and as soon I was about to nut, I tried to pull out but I stubbed my toe on the bed frame. I was not able to get out and time. Safe to say, I will most likely be buying diapers in the near future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 204

By two2blue - 28/04/2016 16:20 - United States - Madison

Today, I thought I'd finally overcome my inner monologue of self-doubt. Nope, now I just dream about telling myself I'm worthless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 72

By sad coffee addict - 28/04/2016 16:02 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I accidentally shat my pants for the 6th time this year alone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 82

By sick and sad - 28/04/2016 15:46 - United States - Edison

Today, I got my period. Two days ago, I was told I had the flu and a throat infection. I have pain throughout my whole body and now I'm leaking from every hole too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 49

By maledictus - 28/04/2016 15:34 - United States

Today, I got a ticket. I've never had a ticket in my entire life, the cop said, "well I guess this one will make you more cautious." No warning, nothing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 112

By no side hoe - 28/04/2016 15:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I introduced my long-time crush to a new guy I work with. Now they're hanging out all the time without me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 52

By sastgamer - 28/04/2016 15:29 - United States - Brainerd

Today, I began to come down with a bad stomach bug at school. however, since I had already had 10 days of sick leave, the nurse was not willing to believe that I was sick. Luckily, she believed me after I coughed so hard I vomited redness all over my shirt sleeve, her shoes, and mine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 25

By Host2phats - 28/04/2016 15:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I hit 90 consistent hours with no sleep, I was so sleep deprived that I apparently sprayed the porch of the house we are rebuilding/remodeling for 45 minutes and got into some things. I just woke up and my cars gone, my nana is pissed, I was late to work, & got soaked in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 52

By sajwsanford27 - 28/04/2016 15:20 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, I had to do a drug test for a job. It has been an hour I still can't pee in the freaking cup!! I've drank enough water that I should of went by now. But nope. I'm a laughing stock at the clinic now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 74

By Take a chill pill - 28/04/2016 15:11 - United States - Flushing

Today, my mom yelled her head off at me. Why? Because I put a password on my Xbox account for security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 42

By Cold Warrior - 28/04/2016 15:02 - United States

Today, my friend said that my sneeze "sounds like a turtle humping a shoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 28

By BlueEyesAndMM - 28/04/2016 14:57 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to get a little kinky. She tied me to the bed and we had a very enjoyable few minutes. However, once finished, instead of untying me, she proceeded to unlock my phone and for the next 25 minutes, read aloud 3 weeks worth of FMLs while I laid there helpless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 30

By Bawsack - 28/04/2016 14:55 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I received a phonecall from my boss telling me that a client at work has worms. Not to worry though because they are usually only spread through fecal matter. The client in question shat on me last week. Call me wormy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 18

By A Wannabe Edgy Moron - 28/04/2016 14:38 - Australia - Perth

Today, I tried to do the trust fall challenge and ended up falling on my ass in front of a tennis court full of people because some year 7s wouldn't catch me, FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 45

By jamesevan900 - 28/04/2016 14:03 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my best friend texted my girlfriend drunk as all hell. I now have a very angry girlfriend and a snappy hungover best friend to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 13

By anon - 28/04/2016 13:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of one year kept dropping hints about us getting married and having kids soon. This would be cute if we weren't both 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 10

By Settle Down - 28/04/2016 13:34

Today, I had to move for the second time in two weeks. I found a roommate online, gave her a $500 deposit and $500 first month's rent. Three days later I found out she's being evicted. I had to scramble to find a new place to go and to top it off, my cat pooped and puked in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 17

By Nicole - 28/04/2016 13:27 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was using my phone in class when I suddenly had to cough. I didn't have a good grip on my phone apparently because when I lifted my arm to cover my mouth my phone flew out of my hand and went across the room behind me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 27

By Anon - 28/04/2016 13:14 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today my boyfriend tickled me, i hate being tickled so i wriggled away. Hes now sitting in the corner upset at me for getting slightly irritated he tickled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 34

By Euan - 28/04/2016 13:13 - Switzerland

Today, I had to print out 4 emails. I then had to scan them to 4 separate pdf's. I then had to email those 4 pdfs. Then I had to print the emails of the scanned emails with the pdfs. My boss is 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 10

By PrprPplEatr - 28/04/2016 13:10 - United States - Janesville

Today, I learned that one of my old friends committed suicide a few days ago. I haven't talked to him in years and I feel like complete shit for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 30

By eonxghostx - 28/04/2016 13:08 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I went to work aside from being sick, only to end up throwing up in the food I was cooking for a costumer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 21

By abcombi - 28/04/2016 13:00 - United States - Gunnison

Today, I got up early to help my boyfriend get prepared to go turkey hunting and started his loud truck. It was early and our neighbor got so mad he called the cops. The officer told us there's no law for it. They went and talked to him and the officer came back and gave us a 250$ ticket. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 15

By Ellendyra - 28/04/2016 12:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took a drug test. Not for a job, but because his mother insisted I drugged him. Apprently, that's the only reasonable explanation for why he was too tired to drive home last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 6

By anonymous - 28/04/2016 12:39 - United States

Today, my crush told me the reason she won't date me is my stupid haircut, so I got it cut. Turns out she hates it even more. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 8

By Gradschooldropout - 28/04/2016 12:32 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I perfectionistically worked on a final paper worth 50% of my grade until 5 minutes before it was due. My computer froze when I hit submit. When it finally went through I was 1 minute late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 16

By harmtouch16 - 28/04/2016 12:27 - United States - Terre Haute

Today I have been blowing my husband's business partner for a few months. (We have an open relationship but our kids don't know this.) I fell at their workplace and he came over, in front of my kids, saying "Baby are you ok?" I then had to explain to my 16 & 17 year old that "dad and I swing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 26

By Anonymous - 28/04/2016 12:18 - United States - Devils Lake

Today, my husband elbowed me in the eye in his sleep. Now I have a nice black eye, this should be fun to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 5

By FedUpRoomate - 28/04/2016 12:11 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my room is the hottest one in the house, due to a problem with the AC. I pay my share of rent fairly like all my roommates, but for some reason one of them feels compelled to have ultimate control over the thermostat. It's going to be a long year.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 5

By chessu - 28/04/2016 12:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I haven't been intimate with anyone in a long time, and had a what would've been a sex dream. I'm not sure what's worse - the fact that it was about my boss, or that I cock blocked myself in my own dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 4

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 097

You deserved it 2 402

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 1 658

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 364

You deserved it 4 034

Today, a customer asked for my manager's number, my bosses number, corporate's number and filled out a complaint form, all because we kindly asked him not to sit his kid on the counter due to safety concerns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 359

You deserved it 629

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 130

You deserved it 12 444

Today, my 15 year-old just told me she's pregnant and she isn’t sure which guy she slept with is the dad. I can’t even deal with this, she's 15 so I’m sure sex is illegal at her age, plus which boyfriend? How many does she have? I’ve been sober for 26 years, but god I want a scotch right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 303