Nearly FMLs

By Thelonelydino - 28/04/2016 12:05 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mother riding my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 106

By Grease - 28/04/2016 12:05 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I am on fat burners, was in the office when I felt the need to fart. Only when I felt my under pants soaking wet with an oily stinky liquid that i realized how these fat burners work!

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 98

By Mr.Not So Smiley - 28/04/2016 12:03 - Canada - Nepean

Today, I found out that around 20 years ago when I got headbutted in the mouth during a game of octopus tag my front tooth died. The tooth is only now starting to crack and I require a root canal and a crown so I do not look like some thug with a gapped smile. My student insurance just expired. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 42

By moo - 28/04/2016 11:15 - United States - Charleston

Today, my brothers yelled at me for two hours. Why? Because I killed a cow in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 76

By The_Skittish_One - 28/04/2016 10:14 - Australia - Bondi

Today, I was so tired and stressed in the morning that after putting my smoothie powder and milk into a shaker I forgot to screw the lid on. After one shake, brown, gunky liquid was splattered all over my clothes, my face, and my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 103

By broken ankles - 28/04/2016 09:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I bought some new anti dandruff shampoo. later that evening, I was in the shower, washing my hair. the shampoo is so thick that I slipped on it, resulting in two broken ankles. obviously, not being able to walk, I had to call out to my mum. I haven't shaved anything in over 6 months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 53

By CancerStick - 28/04/2016 09:48 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I started smoking again after four years, knowing what it would do to my lungs. I didn't, however, expect Chernobyl in my intestines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 170

By jesswoo - 28/04/2016 09:22 - United Kingdom - Uxbridge

Today, I was sat on the floor wearing just a big t-shirt, blowdrying my hair. I have long hair and my puppy wandered over and started trying to bite it as it flicked back and forth over my shoulder. She missed and bit me square on the nipple. Hard. I wasn't wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 40

By JoyridePencil - 28/04/2016 08:47 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I had a dream that I did well in my Business Studies exam. I slept so long that I overslept, I missed the bus and having no other way to get into college I missed the exam that I originally dreamed of doing well in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 59

By Bawsack - 28/04/2016 08:22 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, it was my dad's birthday so my mum suggested we went out to a restaurant. There ended up being 15 of us in total because people kept turning up. To cut a long story short, everyone thought someone else was paying. Guess who got stiffed with a bill for over £450. Yep. Me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 34

By air14 - 28/04/2016 08:18 - Switzerland - Meilen

Today, while working as an military paramedic at an air show I asked an old man to stop peeing in our break sector and to use the sanitary installations a 100 meters away instead. He then spit on me, called me a Nazi and made the Hitler salute. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 17

By Alla - 28/04/2016 08:14 - Australia - Brisbane

Today 5 of my classmates said sorry on behalf of our class to the teacher we've been giving hell to. And she said 'That's very nice girls, none of you have been rude' then she pointed at me and said 'except maybe you'. I do nothing in that class and i never chat back WTF!? FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 19

By individual00 - 28/04/2016 08:03 - United Kingdom

Today, after years of public sector pay freezes, I finally got a 1% pay rise. Thanks to an increase in NI however, I've actually ended up with less money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 12

By bellatrix - 28/04/2016 07:55 - Uganda - Kampala

Today, i found out my boyfriend of two years is hitting on my friend. The friend who told me he was having a baby with another woman. The friend who then told me she prayed to God about it and HE said yes.So they are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 11

By tooearly - 28/04/2016 07:51 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I live in a house with 3 guys they enjoy partying properly, this morning I got downstairs and found one of them had shit on the window, nobody is owning up and it looks like I get to clean it, FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 9

By SpongeBobRus - 28/04/2016 07:26 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I work in an aquatics store, my store isn't even open yet but I've already had an eager customer at the door asking if we know why there's no clownfish in Bikini Bottom and if we stock 'any of those SpongeBob fish'. These sort of question happen daily! FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 20

By ADuckNamedPhil - 28/04/2016 07:17 - New Zealand - Papakura

Today I decided to cancel my appointment with the dentist for the crown on my cracked tooth, because my mother died yesterday and I need the money I saved for the crown to pay for the flight to the funeral on the other side of the world. Immediately shatter tooth on meal spouse insists I eat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 13

By Anonymouse - 28/04/2016 07:07 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, as usual, I handle my pet rat. I let him climb on me, I don't mind the mild scratches as I was wearing a jumper. Turns out that scratches tend to show more on skin than I thought so when I wore a T-shirt, I was accused of being attacked by a lion by my mum. Now I can't visit my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 10

By drop it - 28/04/2016 06:35 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was literally scared to the floor when my dad walked into the room from the darkness. He said I literally went from standing to the floor within a second. While he's all good and laughing, my ass is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 16

By gross - 28/04/2016 06:27 - Australia - Wilston

Today, I ignored a middle aged man's obscene cat calling. He responded by trying to spit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 8

By screw this, i quit - 28/04/2016 06:18 - United States - Mahomet

Today, I was told by the girl I spent over a thousand dollars flying cross-country to get away from her abusive' husband that I was an idiot for caring about her and she's going back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 7

By ilytyvm - 28/04/2016 06:12 - United States - Johnstown

Today, I am 6 months pregnant. My hormones are so out of control that I started sobbing when my boyfriend asked me what I wanted for dinner and I didn't know. It's now 4 hours later and he's still laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 28/04/2016 05:40

Today, I got a "surprise" from mother nature, during school, in light wash jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 17

By cookiemonster - 28/04/2016 05:35 - Austria

Today, I popped the cherry on the sofa in my girlfriend's parent's house. It left a stain. The sofa is white and her parents noticed soon after. Oh, and I wasn't speaking figuratively. I sat on the damn cherry and squashed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 11

By I've been poonked - 28/04/2016 05:28 - United States - Oxford

Today, I found out the man I've been dating, who told me he loved me, who talked about marriage and kids and a future with me, has only been with me because "that poon is insane". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 9

By Praz3721 - 28/04/2016 05:26 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I landed back in paradise in Hawaii, every time I come to this island I am dating someone and every time I leave, I'm single, I come here 8 times a year, FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

By areyoukiddingme - 28/04/2016 05:24 - United States - Henderson

Today, I saw a lady drop couple hundreds after walking out of a bank. I picked them up and ran after her. I managed to say, "you dropped yo-" before getting peppersprayed and getting my not-so-happy sacks crushed..FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 8

By WhoaZombie - 28/04/2016 05:22 - United States - Niles

Today, I had to get out of bed at 2am to go tell my parrot to stop playing with his bell. I covered his cage and turned out his light hours ago. This bird hates sleep like a teenager, meanwhile I really need it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By señor hooplah - 28/04/2016 04:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got up, and on the way to work, I was cut off by another car, I hit her, now she's filing a lawsuit against me saying I tried to kill her. I've broken my leg and she's fine, if anyone I should be filing the lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 4

By #WhyMe - 28/04/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent 40 minutes bashing my manager to my mom and her boyfriend. Turns out my manager is a friend of my mom's boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 8

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The Top

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 245

You deserved it 1 014

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 229

You deserved it 8 427

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 108

You deserved it 2 378

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 2 510

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524 991

You deserved it 37 078

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 205

You deserved it 1 401