Nearly FMLs

By bloodyhand - 28/04/2016 04:53 - United States - Montpelier

Today, my period came a week early. This would have been fine if I wasn't being fingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 9

By bluelabradork621 - 28/04/2016 04:41 - United States

Today, like every other day, I was so short that my feet didn't touch the ground when I sat on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 9

By HeisenburgLabs - 28/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Mooresville

Today my one year old daughter poked me in the eye while kicking me in the balls. My wife was laughing so much that it took her ten minutes to pull her off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 7

By Mudge - 28/04/2016 04:28 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was my birthday. My family took me out to eat at my favorite place, but instead of enjoying our meal and talking about light hearted things as it was a happy occasion, all I heard was my family bashing my second cousins and ignoring me when I tried to bring up something not as negative.FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 3

By frostingwarrior - 28/04/2016 04:27 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, after many times of smoking a little bit of weed in my dorm room, my friend finally got caught. I now have to pay the $300 fine to the university as well as being escorted by the university security to the police station to be questioned where I received the "illegal drugs." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 9

By mliajkfml - 28/04/2016 04:25 - United States

Today, I realized how sexually deprived I am when I got an orgasm from cleaning my ears with a Q-tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 16

By friend - 28/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months introduced me to her whole family as her "friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 5

By YourAverageKumar - 28/04/2016 03:54 - Canada - Brampton

Today, avidly wanting a puppy for a while and now capable of properly caring for one, went to approach my girlfriend about the plan. Before I could say anything, she said that "we should mass kill all the shelter animals to save money on euthanasia and so there won't be as much overpopulation". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By SheNamedMeGonzo - 28/04/2016 03:53 - United States - Boise

Today, my girlfriend decided to tell me that she wanted to "take a break" because she decided she wanted to be with my ex girlfriend because "dick gets boring."

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 7

By devilchild - 28/04/2016 03:52 - United States

Today, my 15 year old son told me that if school shooters were smart they would pull the fire alarm so everyone was in one place. I don't know if I should be worried or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 5

By two gays in one day - 28/04/2016 03:45 - United States - Beverly

Today, I was hit on by a really cute guy. It was flattering, but I'm gay so I told him, "Sorry, I'm a lesbian." He then backed off, saying he was only flirting because he thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 14

By brendejafulable - 28/04/2016 03:44 - United States

Today, has been the fourth night since my boyfriend and I leased a house together. I have already made my plan to move the hell out at the end of our lease in one year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

By maddgramcracker - 28/04/2016 03:42 - United States - Eagle Mountain

Today, I found out I have an ingrown toenail. I have my Senior Prom in 3 days and it hurts so bad I can barely walk on it. I now can't wear my brand new $60 high heels that I bought two days ago, and my dress is so long that I trip over it without heels. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 7

By Jazbah - 28/04/2016 03:42 - United States - La Verne

Today, I picked up my girlfriend from the airport for a visit. When we got to my home, she immediately broke up with me for another guy she met online. Anyone have any suggestions on what to do with an ex whose staying at your house for 9 more days until her return flight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 3

By anon - 28/04/2016 03:33 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work I made an error in till and now owe $50. pretty much all the money I earned today is being lost for the mistake I made while working today, FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

By ryan1268 - 28/04/2016 03:32 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my lesbian sister decided it was a good idea to hit on my first girlfriend during supper. She is now my ex, and my sister has a girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 2

By ForeverLonely - 28/04/2016 03:30 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I spent another day over 2,000 miles away from all of my friends and family because my selfish boyfriend feels like he's "too good for that place". He also doesn't understand why I'm lonely and want his attention, so instead he plays online games with friends from home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 10

By fvckyolifekys - 28/04/2016 03:29 - United States - Milford

Today, while on the bus to school my seat was in the middle of war. the two guys where throwing things back and forth and I would occasionally get hit. I decided to say something but when I stood up my face was met by a book bag full of text books.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

By ItsAnanya - 28/04/2016 03:27 - India - Delhi

Today, my mother yelled at me for sneezing as I left the house. She did not let me leave for 15 minutes, citing bad luck due to superstitious reasons and conveniently making me miss my passport renewal appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 3

By vbguy16 - 28/04/2016 03:26 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, all the plumbing at work backed up and stopped working because chicks have been flushing their tampons. I know this and I'm a dude. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 4

By lookingforanewjob - 28/04/2016 03:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered that my manager has been using toys and then putting them back on the shelves. I came to this realization when I noticed a small hair on one of the toys. It was a pube. I work at an adult store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 42

By IrisNoel98 - 28/04/2016 03:12 - United States - Cunningham

Today, one of my classmates in my culinary class slapped me with a raw chicken breast. Why? Because I 'upstaged' her when my blood sugar went low when she was doing a demonstration. She hit me so hard on the cheek that I could barely chew a glucose tablet.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By bluelabradork621 - 28/04/2016 03:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the other patrons of the bus system REALLY didn't want me to board the bus. Two people literally shoved their way in front of me, and then I got dirty looks for sitting in a disabled seat. Thanks, guys. My visibly broken leg is so grateful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

By FrozenPhiber - 28/04/2016 03:02 - United States

Today, I paid for POF membership. Now I can see all the girls who are looking at my profile and not liking me or writing me a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 4

By Indie Manchester - 28/04/2016 03:01 - United States - Spanish Fork

Today, I pooped my pants at work. I have the flu and should have stayed home but my boss said if I didn't come in I would be written up. I coughed and a hole diaper full of poop came out. I am only 26 but I guess I need to go buy depends FML.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 5

By Embarrassment ?? - 28/04/2016 02:54 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was sitting in a car next to my friend's sister who I think is hot. I suddenly started blushing and everyone in the car looks at me and starts laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 201

By Kendall14159 - 28/04/2016 02:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went on a first date with an attractive guy. At the end of it, he ended up holding my bag for me with both of his arms extended so the handle was over his crotch area. When I had to go, I reached for the bag's handle. My coordination is so bad that I missed the handle and grabbed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 48

By Yehia10 - 28/04/2016 02:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, after not going to the dentist for 4 years, I went and got a check up. I now know there are 14 cavities in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 127

By bagsfordays - 28/04/2016 02:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, my sister decided to barge into my room at 11:15 at night just to rip the covers off of my body. I was on the verge of falling asleep, which is an accomplishment for me because I have a sleeping disorder. My sister knows that. Guess who's not getting a wink of sleep tonight! FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 21

By anon - 28/04/2016 02:36 - United States - Tualatin

Today, I was playing in a golf tournament and was actually doing very well. Then, I saw this baby squirrel getting attacked by a crow. Being the hero I thought I was, I went over with my golf club to try to scare the bird away but instead it attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 31

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The Top

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 344

You deserved it 42 630

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 018

You deserved it 2 731

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 2 428

Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to renew my Florida license. I've lived in Maryland for the last seven years and I've never had a Florida license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 177

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 152

You deserved it 4 744

Today, I ordered pizza for dinner and left cash by the door so my son could pay for it, in case it arrived before I got home. I told him they should get all the money, but I just found the tip. Apparently he thought I'd miscounted. I'm a server. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 192