Nearly FMLs

By Snowzaaa - 04/05/2016 20:06

Today, I was travelling on the bus with my brother. He was looking sick so I held a bag to his mouth. He kept pushing it away saying he was fine. Next minute he spewed on the side of my face, arm, and right leg. I had to sit in a pile of spew for another 40 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 2

By fantabulosastic - 04/05/2016 19:54 - United States - Lima

Today, I got a job offer in my field of study starting next week and they need to fill it asap but my manager of my current job won't let me leave before the two weeks and the new jobs manager won't give me the job unless I do a proper two week notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 4

By Justafriend - 04/05/2016 19:37 - United States - Denver

Today, my mother in law introduced me as my husband's friend to her social club. We've been married 5 years and have two kids. #FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

By Tytonic - 04/05/2016 19:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, in school a girl came up to me, slapped me, and screamed at me about how shitty I am for breaking up with her after I got her pregnant. I've never seen this girl in my life, and now everybody thinks I'm a really shitty person. Nobody believes me when I say that it isn't true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 3

By anon - 04/05/2016 19:30 - United States

Today, my mom invited my recently ex boyfriend to move in with us 4 hours away, he said he would love to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

By anonymous - 04/05/2016 19:27 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, during a lunch date with my wife's ultrareligous parents, she made a passing comment about really enjoying sex (with her husband, me) on a regular basis. Her parents then completely lost their shit, called her a "dirty sinning whore slut" and basically disowned her. FML and my wife's L.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

By lol iN - 04/05/2016 19:17 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I got a strange email from a women asking how I knew the guy I was seeing. I told him I met him through my family and she asked how long we've been seeing each other. I told her I've been seeing him since December and she replied "oh that's funny I have been dating him since November" fml

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 3

By Rababco - 04/05/2016 19:15 - United States - Long Branch

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk when another dog attacked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 5

By anonym - 04/05/2016 19:12 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, after 2 months planning a weekend out with my boyfriend, my boss calls me saying that i cant take the weekend off bc my coworker is new at the job and cant stay alone. shes been there for 5 months now, and i spend 500$ on a hotel yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 2

By vomitgirl - 04/05/2016 19:11 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today I went to the dentist. They gave me fluoride in a cup and I accidentally swallowed some when I put it in my mouth because there was too much in it. After, when I was driving home, I threw up all over myself before I could pull over FML.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

By drkate25 - 04/05/2016 18:33 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, I ran out of shampoo so I decided to use some old trial size bottles I found under the bathroom sink. Not only did it make my hair orange tinted, but it smells like hospital antiseptic. I'm terrified of hospitals and have been anxious all day. Only 6 more hours till I can wash it out... FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

By Chrysic - 04/05/2016 18:26 - United States - Calabasas

Today, a cashier at Walmart threatened to call the cops on me for using a 2 dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 5

By youravgfuckup - 04/05/2016 18:25 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I helped an old man around the store. I had other things to do, but people come first. 30mins in of showing him the exact products he requested, he thanked me, then informed me he wasn't buying anything. He just wanted to "test my knowledge." Now I'm behind on my other work for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 5

By Stuck - 04/05/2016 18:20 - United States - Fairborn

Today, my stepdad told me he cheated on my mother with my aunt. I don't know wether to tell my Uncle or my Mom first or not to at all to save their feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/05/2016 18:19 - United States - Fremont

Today I had a bit of constipation during school, so I let out a huge fart while nobody was in the room. It turns out i shit myself and I had to waddle all the way down to the bathroom in shitty pants and boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 1

By Stupid Dog - 04/05/2016 18:04 - United States - Fairborn

Today, I decided to bake some cookies for after my dinner. I left the room to answer my phone, then I come back and the cookie dough is nowhere to be found. Where is it? Being eaten by my dog who managed to pull the tray off of the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/05/2016 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher was talking about what significant thing today was with our class and I let out a "Yay!" because it's Star Wars day. She actually meant that it was the anniversary of a college shooting that happened in the 70s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 1

By sexache - 04/05/2016 18:01 - United States

Today, I was told by my doctor that the only options I have are to either not have sex and be fine or have sex and suffer explosive headaches caused by sex for the rest of my life. I never thought celibacy sound even remotely appealing. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 1

By CrazyPitMom - 04/05/2016 16:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I had a freaky dream, I was sleeping on my couch, and when I rolled over I heard a rattle, opened my eyes, and saw a little rattle snake coiled up on the coffee table, ready to strike. I yelled and it slithered off to the closet in my kitchen and disappeared! haven't slept since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

By Soon to be Hobo - 04/05/2016 16:44 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to listen to my three good and only friends on skype enthusiastically talking about going to movies together while they were playing a video game I will never own. I was never even invited FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 2

By Nevergoingtoleavemommy - 04/05/2016 16:20 - United States - Erlanger

Today I realized that my fiance's mother will never let him go. She nit picks everything about me, still buys him clothes that SHE thinks will look good on him, and finds things for him to do around HER house. (She has a husband) Even asks about our sex life. My fiance does not seem to mind..FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 96

By IRuleTheNorth - 04/05/2016 16:20 - United States - Frisco

Today, my parents bought my younger sister a real horse for $8000 dollars that she doesn't see often, since we don't live on horse property. I wanted to get something for $60. My parents tell me I need to get a job. I'm 17 and have applied at over 20 places and haven't been accepted anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 48

By OneOfThoseDays - 04/05/2016 14:49 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, it's just been one of those days. I couldn't submit an important final paper and was up late for it, got two hours of sleep and left my house late, got pulled over for going ten over on my way to class and found that my insurance card was expired, and was late to class. It's only 7 AM. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 56

By unlucky - 04/05/2016 14:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went on a date, I thought it went so well that when I got home I cried with happiness to all of my friends and said how amazing it was... He blocked me the next day FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 52

By Toothless - 04/05/2016 14:40 - Australia - Koondoola

Today, while I was at work a little girl asked me how I lost a tooth while pointing to my mouth. I haven't lost any teeth. I just have a big gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 36

By OutOfWork - 04/05/2016 14:02 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, after spending a month abroad, I returned to my place of work, to find it had closed down. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 22

By sadpuppyowner - 04/05/2016 14:01 - United States - Hazleton

Today, my dog died less than a week after she was diagnosed with cancer, while I thought it was kennel cough beforehand. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 31

By J352SAURUS - 04/05/2016 13:40 - Australia

Today, I was feeling really down, so I decided to buy a few sad songs on iTunes to help me cry it out. One thing led to another, and I ended up spending $200 on songs. Now I'm even sadder than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 155

J352SAURUS tells us more.

J352SAURUS 30

Thursday 5 May 2016 2:15

Hey, it's the OP here. After I bought a few songs, I ended up finding old classics that I hadn't heard for ages (like Bowling for Soup, All Time Low, NeverShoutNever) and I just kept finding one awesome song after another that I forgot about after my hard drive crashed many years back. I was just astonished at how fast it stacked up. I usually use YouTube for all my sad song requirements, but this time I just decided that I was sick of the ads and wanted to simply own a few songs. And I also thought that maybe buying myself a few new songs would cheer me up a bit. Then I got click happy. Luckily I have heaps of extra hours at work this week to make up for it. I know I deserve it, but I just thought I'd share my amusing story with you guys. Have a good one.

By nitemare0 - 04/05/2016 13:30 - Canada

Today, we got our cat back from the vet, $1000 later and we find out his diarrhea that smelled like death was only caused by the brand of food we buy, and he wasn't having seizures, he's just a twitchy sleeper, FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 15