Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 05/05/2016 04:20 - United States - Luverne

Today, I found out my 14 year old girlfriend is pregnant. She said I'm the father and we never even had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 11

By pixie_cb - 05/05/2016 04:05 - United States

Today, my last day before I leave for maternity leave, I come home to a raging sinus infection. The baby is due in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 59

By SadSam - 05/05/2016 03:44 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was visiting my cousin after moving back to town to be with my boyfriend whom I've been with for 3 years. This women walked past and my cousin told me about all the nasty things she does in public with anyone and everyone. Whose car rolls up and picks her up at 11 pm? My boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 24

By A - 05/05/2016 03:41 - United States

Today, during an extremely hot make out session, my boyfriend decided to pick me up from my waist and push me against the wall. I ended up falling and breaking his coffee table. He mumbled "I didn't think you'd be that heavy." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 39

By Dynamite73 - 05/05/2016 03:38 - United States - Bulverde

Today, I was teaching a new employee on how to put out a grease fire while it was still in the pan. When I lit the oil on fire for her to put out, she panicked and threw the pan...onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 25

By anonymous - 05/05/2016 03:21 - United States - Houston

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend whilst walking to work. We were discussing something from an episode of our favourite show we had just watched, specifically what qualifies something as a "hit list". The cop I happened to pass by thought I was compiling one and arrested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 27

By ilikecheesefries - 05/05/2016 03:20 - United States - Scranton

Today, it's officially been a whole year since my husband and I last had sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 36

By Chartbc - 05/05/2016 03:08 - United States - Catlettsburg

Today, I spent half an hour looking and riding this bike I liked. Finally a sales associate came up to me telling me it was sold. "I was going to tell you before, but you just looked so excited" FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 18

By gingerlover01 - 05/05/2016 03:03 - United States

Today, I tried to contact my older brother whom I haven't seen in ten years, instead of being happy to talk to me again he sent me the rejection hot line number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 05/05/2016 02:49 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, It was me and my twins birthday and I went to school. At lunch the entire cafeteria sang Happy Birthday. Only not to me and my sister, just my sister. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 13

By SoloDolo - 05/05/2016 02:35 - United States - Reading

Today, my husband told me he wants a divorce. We have 3 small children and have sent the last 15 wks in marriage counseling. I thought we were doing so much better. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 21

By cluckthis - 05/05/2016 02:15 - United States

Today, after prepping for weeks, I finally brought my new chickens home. Less than an hour later, my husband's large dog managed to break-in the door to the coop. Two down, six to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 8

By mrandmrsanoymous - 05/05/2016 02:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to do a graded group presentaton. The presentation itself was flawless, I gestured with my hands and made good eye contact with all of the judges. But I got points subtracted because "it was hard to see me" because I'm short. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 13

By faeliality - 05/05/2016 01:52 - United States

Today, I had a presentation at work. Thinking to save time, I decided to use AirPlay on my phone. I forgot to turn off my notifications, and my boyfriend texted me a dick pic. It popped up on the big screen in front of all my coworkers, my manager, and my boss. They noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 13

By Dreamsdead - 05/05/2016 01:44 - United States - Hinckley

Today, days after signing to the college of my dreams to play soccer, I found out I tore my ACL a second time, thus ending my soccer career, and biggest dream, before it could even start. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 11

By Sickie - 05/05/2016 01:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in addition to being 37 weeks pregnant and having Hyperemesis the whole pregnancy, I was diagnosed with both a sinus infection and the flu. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 10

By ZambleJuice - 05/05/2016 01:20 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was training a new employee on how to deal with grease fires and he set me on fire. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 8

By inulover8969 - 05/05/2016 01:09 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was working my job as a customer service representative. I found the one customer who bitches about not being charged. Welcome to the twilight zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 9

By ChildhoodPet - 05/05/2016 00:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom and I took my old and sick guinea pig to the vet. The vet told us he was nearing the end of his life, and I should bring him in to be euthanized if he stops eating. After we left, my mom told me she thought euthanasia was too expensive, and we should just kill him at home instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 7

By ProtoBird - 05/05/2016 00:41 - United States - Quincy

Today, I decided to listen to music in the shower while putting my phone into a plastic bag to prevent soakage. While blasting Michael Jackson, my family heard nothing put the frequent "hee hee's," giving them the idea that another dude was in there. Apparently, my bag idea is too far-fetched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By Misunderstood - 05/05/2016 00:38 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I decided to be grateful and message my parents saying I love them for everything they've done for me. When I got home after work, I had 157 missed calls, 58 messages, and saw them heavily crying. They began to lecture and berate for saying something so "stupid" and thought I suicided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 12

By anon - 05/05/2016 00:26 - United States

Today, while masturbating my mom walked in just as I came and saw my cum face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 14

By jim - 05/05/2016 00:22 - United States - Bronx

Today, while my dad was replacing our medicine cabinet and toilet in the bathroom, a pipe burst, and my family cannot shower, get water, or use the bathroom for the next four days. I'm at my grandpa's house while waiting for my sister to get out of the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By sk1tt135 - 05/05/2016 00:11 - United States - Duluth

Today, I figured out that my husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 7

By Ewwwwwww - 05/05/2016 00:10 - United States - Humble

Today, I was at the bar and this guy came up to me. He then said "hey, want me to do a magic trick?" then proceeded to collapse on the floor. I started to laugh, until another guy said "SOMEONE CALL 911". Turns out he had a heart attack FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 10

By mrsleepyhead - 04/05/2016 23:57 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, for the second time this week, my alarm that wakes me up from my midday nap decided to not go off for no reason. My grade in the class that I missed has already been lowered by a full letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 13

By Mcstud1y - 04/05/2016 23:57 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years is pregnant. Too bad I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 4

By kingQ - 04/05/2016 23:56 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I Got my car keyed today... The letters spelled out "CHEATER. Have fun with her." Funny thing is, I'm single. Haven't been in a relationship in 3 years ?? wtf...FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By Wuasiik325 - 04/05/2016 23:50 - United States - Harbor City

Today,my teacher put "missing assignment" on my jupiter grades (online grade book).My parents whooped me and gave me 2 big marks shaped like hangers.The next hour when I checked my jupiter account she changed it and sent me a message saying she "misplaced it".FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 4

By SOILEDIT - 04/05/2016 23:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the highlight of my summer will probably be obtaining all of the badges on this website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 12

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my fiancé and I got a joint account recently, but when I got home he was on the phone to the bank claiming our credit card number was cloned, because of the ridiculous number of random purchases. I checked my online banking. It was all just my normal buying habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 710

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 660

You deserved it 6 380

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 8 651

Today, my boyfriend has always been a huge fan of war video games. After training for weeks, I challenged him at Battlefield 4. He lost. I lost him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 75

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 606

You deserved it 7 127

Today, I discovered two senior doctors made misdiagnoses by ignoring protocols. When I confronted them, they denied it. My director told me not to turn them in, and I'm not financially stable enough to quit. The state licensing board only takes complaints from patients. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 94