Nearly FMLs

By Kyle - 28/05/2016 00:25 - United States - Murphysboro

Yesterday, My cat fell out of a tree that hangs over the road and it was almost immediately ran over. It was 6 months old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 23

By GetFuckedDickface - 28/05/2016 00:23 - Australia

Today my housemate could not come up with the week's rent again. We both work the same number of shifts at McDonalds each week. While I eat only plain $0.65 pasta and walk to work each day to save cash, he buys $5 coffees twice a day, and goes clubbing every weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 00:21 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I realized my depression is so bad I can't even bring myself to play video games. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 39

By magnusbane222 - 28/05/2016 00:16 - United States - Trenton

Today, I went to walk in my front door. In the span of 2 seconds, my phone in my hand slammed into the door handle and cracked, my head slammed on the wall, and my key broke in the key hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 23

By rebelsrock - 27/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Champlin

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting into it in the bedroom. She had been kissing my neck and all of a sudden got worried because she thought she left a hickey. I didn't have the courage to tell her it was just acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 17

By MedoA - 27/05/2016 23:32 - United States - Rockville

Today,in class we were supposed to bring our baby pictures to class., then shuffle them and guess who it is. My crush got my picture and said outbound" who the fuck is this creature" it was me. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 24

By LeEpicMemerDoge - 27/05/2016 23:20 - United States - North Scituate

Today, I accidentally sent my chemistry teacher, the man I also asked for a college recommendation from, a dick pic. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 49

By Wideout40 - 27/05/2016 23:18 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, for a major LA essay I wrote about why creationism should not be taught in schools. Apparently my teacher is a creationist, she took points off for no reason and wrote me up for being "offensive" and "sac religious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 20

By needagoodlaugh - 27/05/2016 23:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just finished treating my cat for fleas and bombing my apartment and washing everything. I went to visit my sister for the first time in almost a year and somehow managed to take a live flea with me. Now I get to do it all again at her place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 23

By Emily - 27/05/2016 23:14 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my teacher announced that a project was due next week. This would've been fine, if we hadn't only started it 2 days ago. She claims we've worked on it for a month. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 20

By WhyAmISoStupid - 27/05/2016 23:01 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself after months of being bullied in my PE lessons. This resulted in my bursting into tears in front of everyone and I have a meeting with the head teacher on Monday due to my disruptive behavior. I'm a laughing stock for trying to defend myself. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 21

By anon - 27/05/2016 22:21 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, my sister set off a gigantic cola and mentos bomb in my bedroom. It was so big, there's now sticky cola on the walls, ceiling, and practically everything else in between. This is my punishment for finishing the last carton of orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 15

By Itineranthuman - 27/05/2016 19:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I'm flying to El Paso. I've been trying to explain that a flight arriving at 6:00 pm is utterly incapable of getting me on my connecting flight at 5:25 pm, but the ticketing agent doesn't seem to grasp that 5 comes before 6. This is the second time this has happened with this airline. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 43

By irresponsible_me - 27/05/2016 19:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was too drunk to drive home so I left my car at the bar and got a ride. The next day I go to retrieve my vehicle only to find that it'd been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 43

By BonjourPeople - 27/05/2016 18:41 - United States

Today, is Day 5 of Battle Against the Bedbugs. Just found the larvae in the screwholes of my bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 42

By Antman - 27/05/2016 17:43 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, a bug flew into my eye. Two hours later I picked "sleep" out of my eye. It was all black and had legs.

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 27/05/2016 17:15 - United States - Kent

Today, I overheard my ex bragging to his buddies about how freaky his new girlfriend is, what with her animal tail butt plugs and such. Towards the end of our relationship, he called me disgusting for suggesting we spice things up with handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 243

You deserved it 1 251

By IamHM - 27/05/2016 16:40 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I had a salad for lunch. What's worse than finding a bug in your food? Finding a half-eaten bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 42

By pretzelpirate - 27/05/2016 16:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, is my boyfriends last day of leave from the military. I have a UTI and can hardly walk without feeling the burning sensation of ten thousand suns.

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 45

By halnicchr - 27/05/2016 16:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was visiting and thought it would be funny to put his handcuffs on my wrists. After he did it, he realized he left the key at home 3 hours away. We had to call a police officer to come and release me.

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 33

By _FR3NZY_ - 27/05/2016 16:06 - United States - Kermit

Today, during math class I fell asleep and my crush got to see me create more drool on my desk in 5 minutes than a mastiff can produce in a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 38

By kmb1416 - 27/05/2016 15:41 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to walk for 2 hours in hot weather whilst desperately needing the toilet, because I was in the middle of nowhere with no other means of transport (or places I could privately relieve myself). It got so bad that I started to fantasise about what the restrooms would be like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 42

By MadMom - 27/05/2016 15:39 - United States - Highland

Today, after waiting an astounding 4 months for night splints to help correct my son's feet, they arrived with flowers and butterflies on them.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 46

By doglover1818 - 27/05/2016 15:24 - United States - Branford

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by telling me he got another girl pregnant and they're keeping the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 29

By Phone - 27/05/2016 15:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I stuck my hands in my pocket to get my phone during math class. The teacher then announced to the entire class how I shouldn't masterbate in my pants. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 26

By mama bear - 27/05/2016 15:05 - United States - Decatur

Today, my best friend begged me to go with him to have his wisdom teeth removed, and to make sure he didn't say anything stupid in front of his dad very Christian father. He got into the car and I told him to be quiet, and the first thing he said to me was, "Shut the fuck Up. " FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 28

By foxesntea - 27/05/2016 14:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while enjoying a day at the waterpark, I went down a waterslide and broke both my front teeth. I look like a retarded vampire. I have my graduation photos tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 20

By TheMadCheshire - 27/05/2016 14:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriends been in California for the last month, on army orders, and I texted him good morning like usual. Only response I get back is, "come suck me off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 19

By asperix - 27/05/2016 14:52 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, i got drunk and proposed to my ex boyfriend... at his wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 35

By kerfinoctulus - 27/05/2016 14:50 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, I finally asked my crush out. When she said "yes" she was giggling with excitement, meanwhile I realized her laugh is the most annoying thing in the world. Now I'm stuck with her and she won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 25

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The Top

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 619

You deserved it 5 778

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 150

Today, I drove over 3 hours to hook up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months. When we start having sex, he lasted less than a minute, and then couldn't get it up again afterwards. I slept uncomfortably the entire night on his twin bed while he snored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 564

You deserved it 1 390

Today, I realized that if I consume caffeine in any way, shape, or form, it exacerbates my insomnia to the point that sleeping for more than two hours in the night is impossible. I'm not even sure if that's the actual cause. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore, and my anxiety-ridden brain is milking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 152

Today, my husband sat me down to tell me he’s filing for divorce as he’s fallen out of love with me and loves my 19 year-old daughter (his step-daughter). Furthermore, I’m off the lease when it expires next month so they can live together. We have a 2 month-old son. He replied, “OK, and? I’ll pay child support.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 119

Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 175