Nearly FMLs

By pureNed - 24/05/2016 14:46 - United States

Today, I have come to the sad realization that my girlfriend, whom I am very committed to, spends more time texting her friends and having full on conversations with them as I try to make conversation with her. We always end up in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 36

By duhitisme - 24/05/2016 14:05 - United States - Lincoln

Today I got in school suspension for throwing a football in the school parking lot. A band event was in the field so the PE teacher sent us to the parking lot. And gave us a football. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 18

By Help - 24/05/2016 13:57 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, whilst eating my lunch at work, I looked around the room after taking a mouthful of food. And saw an elderly lady who had her legs spread, dress revealing a bit too much, needless to say I was shocked, only to see her wink at me after she noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 19

By Grace0328 - 24/05/2016 13:43 - United States - Houston

Today, after many years of not going out with friends because I'm so self conscious about my acne. I walked down stairs to tell me mom I got the courage to go out of the house. Before I could say anything she looks at me and says "your acne has gotten horrible I'm taking you back to the doctor" FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 17

By Roanmara - 24/05/2016 13:26 - United States - Cypress

Today, the guy I've been with for 4 years chose hard drugs over me and our daughter. Happy birthday to me I guess. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 22

By khollid1 - 24/05/2016 13:17 - United States - Dacula

Today, I graduated high school. Some people got rewards for doing good in school. A stoner got an award from all her teachers; I got nothing.FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 37

By selfishlyme - 24/05/2016 13:16 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to marry me. 20 minutes later he said "never mind, I want to be alone" and broke up with me after dating me for 3 years and giving me a ring.

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 9

By CRricker - 24/05/2016 12:25 - United States - Spring

Today, my parents disciplined me and my sister so I don't end up getting someone pregnant and my sister to not get pregnant. The neighbor's daughter got pregnant and they told my parents "to not go down that road". Meanwhile I can't get a single girl to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 8

By JakieFlip - 24/05/2016 12:14

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm moving to France. I'm only going for six months and he said he couldn't do it. Yet he waited long distance with his ex girlfriend for over a year. He doesn't even want to try. So much for forever and always. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 12

By SoDone - 24/05/2016 11:57 - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, I realised just how badly I need a new job when I was more annoyed at being asked to do a client's makeup for twenty minutes than the fact that she'd just crapped in the middle of the room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 9

By aneban - 24/05/2016 11:46 - United States - Rehoboth

Today, I went on vacation with my family. It wasn't until I had gotten back home that I found out I didn't have a college fund anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 10:50 - United States - Cabot

Today, while sleeping I could tell my wife was having a bad dream as she kept repeating a name until she woke herself up screaming it. The name she kept saying, was it mine? No.Was it one of our kids? No. It was our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 8

By grumpyjigsaw - 24/05/2016 10:36 - Denmark - Valby

Today, my husband ran a marathon. Today is also the day where I ate 2 % of my body weight in ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 147

By socksxox - 24/05/2016 09:26 - United Kingdom - Hertford

Today, I got pizza on the way home from a night out after a few beers and not eating all day. I got so excited for good that I ate it as soon as they have it to me. it was so hot I have blisters on my chin where the cheese fell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 79

By BoySavage92 - 24/05/2016 06:41 - United States - Tolland

Today, my girlfriend locked the keys inside my car along with her sandwich. The first thing she noticed was the sandwich she couldn't get to. We had to wait 2hrs for the tow truck to get it open. I spent those 2hrs hearing my girlfriend complain how lonely her sandwich was. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 42

By doe_no - 24/05/2016 06:41 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went to take a shower after waking up groggily. I turned the shower on and a black shape flew onto my face. It turns out a hobo spider the size of a doorknob was taking a snooze on the shower head this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 22

By fuckhim - 24/05/2016 06:13 - United States - Irving

Today, my boyfriend told me that I'm not fat, I'm just going through a fat phase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 30

By swiggity swaggity - 24/05/2016 05:38 - United States - Independence

Today, I happened to let my dogs outside and they wouldn't quit barking so, I checked to see what they were barking at and my neighbors were having outdoor sex, and the worst part is that they don't have a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 25

By wellshitthen - 24/05/2016 05:03 - United States - Westborough

Today, after months of hard training to reach my athletic goals and to help with body image issues, my boyfriend pointed out that it now looks like I have four, very flat boobs, courtesy of large pec muscles. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 32

By psikh - 24/05/2016 05:01 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, It's winter in my country. I woke up to freezing temperatures and no power before the sun was up. I jumped at the opportunity to shower while the water was still warm. Somehow my mother woke up and shouted at me for using said hot water. I have to go to work, she stays at home every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 11

By Moneyless - 24/05/2016 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, there was a problem with payroll at work. Instead of being paid for 38 hours I was paid for 7.25. After hours on the phone they still refuse to see the problem and 'will pay me the rest with my next pay'. I currently have 20c to my name, only 4 days left till pay day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 18

By notoriousbob - 24/05/2016 03:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, in the middle of the night I went to bathroom. As I got up my bed my girlfriend was talking in her sleep, being drowsy I didn't understand what she said. When I returned she was still at it, she said "baby I love you" which I thought was sweet until she said "alright now bend over" What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 30

By MarkToast - 24/05/2016 03:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my English teacher finally updated the grade book on the very last day of school. I went from a 92 to a 66. I never knew anything was late since it wasn't in the grade book, and now it's too late to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 21

By tiredofbeingsingle - 24/05/2016 03:40 - United States - Hampton

Today,after being single for close to 8 years I asked a girl out I have known for a few months. She said it would be awkward because she has a thing going on with buddy of mine I live with. He's married and his wife's pregnant I dated his wife back in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 21

By mmm,backwash - 24/05/2016 03:38 - Canada

Today, I was out of breath after finishing my last set at the gym, so I grabbed my bottle of water off of the floor and drank it, and noticed it tasted a little 'off'. Turns out i had mistakenly drank someone else's water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:37 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went to pick up my girlfriend from the airport after not seeing her for six month, even on Webcam. While waiting this girl I didn't recognize flew into my arms and I roughly pushed her off. It was my girlfriend who has lost a lot of weight. Now she won't stop crying. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 38

By Nick - 24/05/2016 02:58 - United States - Butler

Today, My girlfriend broke up with me because I got mad that she made plans with her cousin.... we already had plans. I just spent $60 and 5 hours of my time on her birthday present the night before it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 22

By krrobin - 24/05/2016 02:50 - United States

Today, after an awful birthday I returned to my work week looking forward to keeping my mind busy. My bra snapped in half, my car got a flat in both front tires,and I dropped a 14oz can of pineapples from the top shelf at a grocery store on top of my best friends head, then rushed her to the er.FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 16

By unknown - 24/05/2016 02:36 - United States - Parsippany

Today, at school, I asked a boy if he liked me because he kept staring at me shyly. It turns out that he didn't like me, I had a booger on my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 02:35 - Canada - Squamish

Today, I went bikini shopping after much convincing, not because I'm fat, but because my boobs are so big that stores rarely have bikinis that fit. We ended up going to 4 stores and I had to buy an E cup bikini. And people wonder why I complain about back issues. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 32

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The Top

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 83

Today, I watched a grizzled old gas station attendant, with a stain on her blouse, use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 2 920

Today, after leaving for a two-week-trip, and thinking this time my mom would finally have no choice but to clean the dirty toilet herself for once, because I’ve been doing it the entire year, along with most other chores, I think you can guess what I did first thing upon my return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 151

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 142

You deserved it 2 729

Today, my son has always been antisocial but ever since he bought his first house he has seemingly disappeared behind it’s walls, never lets anybody visit, and has broken off contact with everybody he knows. Were it not for his coworkers telling me he’s at work everyday, I’d think he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 436

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 895

You deserved it 5 430