Nearly FMLs

By disgust - 25/05/2016 09:13 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out and my boyfriend told me not to worry about getting any soft food because he would take care of me for the next week. For dinner he put a Big Mac in the blender and served it to me on a napkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 34

By Unemployed - 25/05/2016 06:08 - Australia - Mount Gravatt

Today I was let go because the financial planning company who hired 6 new staff members in the last 6 months realised they can't afford a fully qualified broker... oh and a blonde, big busted receptionist started as I was walked off the premises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 34

By JCWolfGirl - 25/05/2016 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got my new birth control implanted in my arm. The resulting bruise is in the exact shape of a penis and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 04:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my brother and his girlfriend decided to tell my family that they got engaged and my entire family was so happy for them and we're skyping them for hours. Today was also my 18th birthday.

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 45

By stijnc123 - 25/05/2016 03:06 - United States - Larchmont

Today, my science teacher called me down during class. He told me my grade was horrible and that my grade shouldn't be so close to his age, he is 41 FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 58

By TiredAndCranky - 25/05/2016 02:25 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, I realized that I get to spend very little of the week leading up to my wedding with my soon-to-be wife. 60+ hours at work, here I come. I get married this Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 35

By lolerm8 - 25/05/2016 02:21 - United States - Spring

Today, I was doing homework on my backyard when I felt something nibling on my foot. It was an iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 46

By EnderHorse - 25/05/2016 02:18 - United States - Mason

Today, I was eating lunch with a friend who dislikes the fact that I use military time. After a while she asked me what time it was. I opened my phone and said 12:36 while showing her at the same time. She replied shadily with, "you and your damn military time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 38

By m00100001 - 25/05/2016 02:04 - United States

Today I found out that ALL of my family thinks I never worked. I guess my 14+yrs as a top level Network Engineer Consultant does not count cause it's not a 9-5 job like them. Regardless that I make many times their hourly rates combined. And only have to work a few days a week, if I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 30

By Retail Hell - 25/05/2016 01:57 - United States - Plainfield

Today, a customer called me stupid when I informed her that her prescription had expired. She angrily yelled at me about how she had one more left until April 2016. A month late lady and, yet, I'm the stupid one.

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 16

By Ultraviolent - 25/05/2016 01:09 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my sister scheduled her cesarean for the afternoon of opening night for the play I wrote and have been co-producing for months. My family has informed me that they will no longer be attending. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 25

By ouch i.e. - 25/05/2016 01:04 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out I have developed a new allergy to grass when I was playing in the sprinklers with my puppy. Now I have huge red welts EVERYWHERE my skin touched grass. My body is burning and itching pretty much everywhere but my girlie bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 14

By Disney demolition - 25/05/2016 00:48 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I finished a 1000 piece Disney jigsaw that you can put on your wall. i came back later to find my baby sister breaking it apart, and pouring the glue all over one of my childhood stuffed animals. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 00:36 - United States

Today, at my job as a cashier, I told two young boys who had no parents with them to stop playing. Later when their mom's came to checkout, one boy threw a soft baseball at my head. The parents didn't even apologize. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 13

By farmgirl98 - 24/05/2016 23:43 - United States - Milford

Today, I woke up at 2:30am to a scratching sound on the side of my house. After gathering my courage and a flashlight, I went outside to investigate. It was a porcupine. A porcupine was chewing on my house. There is significant damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 14

By Waxfail - 24/05/2016 22:37 - United States - Dallas

Today, I decided it would be sexy and spice up my marriage to give myself a Brazilian wax. Although i had never done one before, I figured it was easy. So I put in the wax, without trimming first. I chickened out after the first pull and had a ton of wax left on my that I had no way to remove. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 22

By Badtip - 24/05/2016 22:33 - United States - Ogden

Today my boss totally stiffed. he only gave a quarter of my paycheck for "horrible dish cleaning." I cleaned the dishes in record time and everyone said that it was professional dishwashing. My boss later told me that he just didn't want to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 9

By Gagging - 24/05/2016 21:01 - United States - Tullahoma

Today, my dad brought in fresh strawberries he picked from his garden in our backyard. They tasted crisp, sweet, and left me feeling healthy about my diet. That is, until I let my family's dogs outside only to see them urinate all over the strawberry bushes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 19:04 - United States - Houston

Today, i got robbed and the robber shot me. He thought i was trying to pull a fast one by only giving him $3... i only had $3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 12

By flowersbloom - 24/05/2016 18:46 - United States - Savannah

Today, I got a tattoo with a friend. When we were done the artist took many pictures of hers then looked at mine, started to take a picture but bandaged it up right away instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 11

By XIAT - 24/05/2016 18:22 - United States

Today, I finally got over my anxiety and went outside for a walk. I ended up getting mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 8

By village of the smiths - 24/05/2016 18:12 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I asked a guy for directions. He said "well you can either go the short way or the long way, but I wouldn't advise you going the short way, it takes more time than the long way, but if you go the long way you have further to walk". I think he might have been insane FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 8

By liftthetrucks - 24/05/2016 17:54 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, at grad practice we were walking down the isle to our seats. As I turned into my row my foot slipped and I knocked over the kid behind me. I was then told to leave the gym and sit in the office for assaulting a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 12

By Husband - 24/05/2016 17:53 - United States - Wichita

Today is my wife's birthday, her 30th birthday. It is the 10th one we have spent together She is also pregnant, very pregnant. Guess who forgot to plan anything... fml

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 30

By wifey27 - 24/05/2016 17:53 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was cleaning the house only for my 2 year old to tell me he pooped. That would have been fine and a normal diaper change but, my son is a magician. He pooped on the outside of the diaper and on his ankle. The worst part was i got it all over me and the couch trying to clean up the kid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 12

By Peanut - 24/05/2016 17:45 - Ireland

Today at school my year head told me I can't miss school tomorrow in any circumstances. I was planning to audition to be in a TV show, a new experience I was looking forward to. Why can't I skip school? It's the last day and I have to spend it in rehearsals for a ceremony I'm not performing in. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 8

By Kendie - 24/05/2016 15:23 - United States - Boerne

Today,I ran home to quickly walk my dog around the block. She had been out before and the walk was only for exercise. However, she dropped a shit in a neighbor's yard. I was about to run home and get a bag to pick it up, but my neighbor came out and chewed me out about "leaving" shit in his yard FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 89

By Bugga2018 - 24/05/2016 15:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying they looked at the wrong chart and I need to come back in. I had 3 cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 46

By wow - 24/05/2016 15:12 - United States - Gresham

Today, I realized I despise most of my friends and will do anything to avoid them. Including hiding in a bathroom stall for an entire lunch period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 74

By A frustrated teenager - 24/05/2016 14:57 - United States - Oak Grove

Today, my dad yelled at me for my cat doing something. He proceeded to threaten to kill her, and eventually, after I yelled at him for that, he kicked me out.

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 25

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 000

You deserved it 3 260

Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 716

You deserved it 684

Today, my nine year-old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 120

You deserved it 5 378

Today, I had to get three teeth pulled. That would've been fine if they were all on the same side of my mouth. Nope, two were on the upper left and one on the bottom right. I kept thinking my upper lip was gauze it was so numb, and I kept drooling like a baby. I've barely been able to eat as it's so sore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 105

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 806

Today, I finally received the phone call I had been waiting on for years. The agency who is trying to approach my father in an attempt for me to get in contact with him called me with the news that they found him. Too bad he died about 25 years ago, so he can't consent with making himself known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 105