Nearly FMLs

By Baegel - 01/06/2016 02:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. It was only until halfway through the fight that I realized he was just quoting Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know". FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 31

By NoThanks999 - 31/05/2016 22:59 - United States

Today, I got out of school early for finals and took the bus home. On the way there, an old lady commented on why I got out early. It turned into an argument among passengers as to if we should get off early, and I was kicked off the bus for "causing a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 23

By chelseannerose - 31/05/2016 22:08 - United States - Concord

Today, I came home to find out that my cat threw up on my white bed. Not only did she throw up food, she threw up a lizard that she ate. The head was still attached to the guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 17

By saturday17 - 31/05/2016 19:36 - United States - Spokane

Today, My brother decided to put his new car on my insurance. I was originally paying 198 for 5 cars I now am paying 588. He refuses to pay anything more then 205 because that's what he was quoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 18

By armandopd26 - 31/05/2016 19:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, While walking down the stairs my dog ran under my leg and I fell face first in to the wall. Now there is a hole in a wall in the shape of my face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 24

By Gaggy Gagerson - 31/05/2016 18:24 - United States - Jefferson

Today, at work as a bar tender a woman had what I can describe as the world's largest shart, all over the toilet seat that ran down the outside of the toilet. I was the only one there to clean it and I have a very high gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 13

By cnl_82 - 31/05/2016 17:21 - United States - Manassas

Today, I realized we are the weird, antisocial neighbors. Only lived here for a month, and moved here for the fun neighbors, but since we've been here, we've had 2 cases of flu, one emergency surgery and a case of pneumonia. We spent the month in quarantine so they think we are stuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 13

By killerkisser97 - 31/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, my little brother said he had to go to the bathroom. He then stood up from the couch, walked past the laundry room and said "oh well, this is closer", walked into the laundry room and closed the door. Very confused, I entered the room after he left, to find that he's peed in the cat box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 13

By Hic hic - 31/05/2016 14:20 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, I'm entering hour 2 of painful, very loud hiccups. I feel like my stomach is being stabbed every time I hiccup and I daren't talk incase it triggers one. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 11:39 - Australia - Perth

Today while cutting onions, my girlfriend took the opportunity to mock me for crying, being the joking type I quickly replied with "Yeah onions to me is like alcohol to you". She told me that was the last straw and got all of her stuff and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 72

By ENDmySUFFERING - 31/05/2016 11:15 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, while arguing with my Dad that I can't use an alarm clock because I'm a very deep sleeper, insted of saying "It doesn't wake me up", my dirty brain made me say "It doesn't turn me on." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 60

By somedayiwill - 31/05/2016 10:19 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as a result of severe anxiety, depression, and, ironically, fear of failure, I have begun my 6th year of high school. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 49

By bookiepd - 31/05/2016 09:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed an awful, potent smell coming from my celling. My mom had put out poison a few nights ago to kill the rats living in our attic. I guess we found out where in the attic they died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 23

By HeisenburgLabs - 31/05/2016 09:30 - United States - Carthage

Today I can't come to terms with my sister and her past of having sex with strangers, pot abuse, and drinking till she blacked out. Despite her academic probation level grades, she is now in an honorary masters program and making way more money than I do. I know my parents love her more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 47

By Waschlappen - 31/05/2016 09:28 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I woke up to myself screaming and something furry jumping from my blanket and out through my open window. Last week I heard rats outside. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 28

By Thetrickyway - 31/05/2016 09:24 - France

Today, I got kicked out of the bus because an old lady yelled at me for my place. 5 places were free around us but I was in "her spot".

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 22

By Snowii - 31/05/2016 09:21 - Australia - Labrador

Today, I stayed home all day after moving to my new apartment. My neighbours have been having sex in their bedroom all morning and resumed a few hours later for the rest of the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 25

By CarissaLyn - 31/05/2016 08:59

Today at 3AM, I saw the dog had the cat cornered on a shelf full of photos. In an attempt to prevent chaos, I rescued the cat & took it to another room. It must've sensed I hate cats 'cause it flew out of my arms, sending the dog on a chase & leaving me with a bloody hand & 2 very awake parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 26

By ElizabethTheGreat - 31/05/2016 08:48 - United States

Today, sound asleep next to my boyfriend, he starts having a bad dream and punches me in the hip. I've been awake for 2 hours now. it's 4:30 in the morning and he's sound asleep. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 22

By Medcanyon - 31/05/2016 08:29 - United States - Surprise

Today, I finally got the courage to ask to ask for this cute guys number, since we been flirting quite a bit. I guess his new very recent girlfriend didn't appreciate that for she was standing right behind him. I now have a missing chunk of hair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 23

By pretty - 31/05/2016 07:40 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I water changed my fish tank. Forgot about it while filling it back up. I now have a swimming pool in my lounge room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 26

By doodycakes - 31/05/2016 05:48 - United States

Today, as I was working at Togo's, a customer came in and complained they did not get enough meat on their sandwich. I was told to double the meat by my manager, so naturally, I did just that. The customer then complained there was too much meat and I was sent home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 62

By humptydumpty - 31/05/2016 04:04 - United States - Grayslake

Today, I felt like some part of my leg needed to crack, so I was on all fours on my bed moving back and forth trying to crack. And then at that moment my sister came in and started asking me why I was humping my bed, and she won't stop talking about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 51

By FMAmory - 31/05/2016 04:00 - United States - Trussville

Today, I finally heard my girlfriend snore for the first time. Any other time, I would have thought it was adorable, except it happened during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 35

By SallySnowflake - 31/05/2016 04:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at an interview for a new job, the boss farted and tried blaming the smell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 49

By numbat97 - 31/05/2016 03:59 - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I went to my first ever party, the toilet only had a curtain for a door so I asked someone to guard the doorway for me but they left to watch the person puking in the next room. I was still painfully sober when someone stumbled in on me peeing and just stood there staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 39

By SuckyFMLs - 31/05/2016 03:53 - United States - Elkton

Today, I was hunting. Someone else was hunting too. I found this out when a stray bullet struck my leg. I am typing this from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 59

By Tytonic - 31/05/2016 03:37 - United States

Today, I found out that the dream I had a week ago where I ordered $5000 worth of monopoly boards wasn't a dream at all, and that I was, in fact, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 114

By vermonthiker - 31/05/2016 02:42 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I had to turn in the speech I was told to write for my upcoming graduation. I spent many hours of typing and retyping, trying to fit a motivating and entertaining speech into one minute of speaking. Then I was told there had been a mix up and I would not be giving the speech after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 02:29 - United States

Today, While having sex with my boyfriend and close to orgasm, I hear my niece yell "I want a baby cousin." from outside my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 48

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The Top

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 840

You deserved it 5 387

Today, the guy I was hooking up with said he wasn’t “looking for anything serious.” That’s not what he told me when I agreed to the hookups with a promise of becoming something more. When I mentioned this to him, he said, “Well, that was before I knew what you looked like naked.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 576

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 219

You deserved it 3 860

Today, my now ex and I had a fight because I refuse to tolerate his best friend's raging misogyny and racism. I told him that laughing at those jokes and tolerating those behaviors is just as bad as him doing it himself. He claims it’s not, because he’s dating me and I’m half black so "it’s OK”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 304

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 733

You deserved it 1 788

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 898

You deserved it 33 213