Nearly FMLs

By Trippin - 26/05/2016 05:28 - United States - Houston

Today, I invited a guy who I was into to have sex. He came over and I had him following me upstairs. While trying to walk sexy up the stairs I missed a step and we both went down. After driving him to the hospital he texted," hope to see you once my fractured knee heals". FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 32

By SOSMasterJOJ - 26/05/2016 04:59 - United States - Bend

Today, as I was ordering drive-thru, I pretended to ask someone what they wanted so the workers wouldn't think I'd eat all the food myself. I only realized they'd see me and only me at the next window, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 56

By thanks - 26/05/2016 04:58 - United States - Dallas

Today, my dad and I watched Taken...after it was over he said "he wouldn't have gone through that much trouble if you were his daughter" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 21

By Hewrro - 26/05/2016 04:30 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I found a Queen Bee in my bedroom. When I tried opening the window, it got injured somehow. Now that I opened the window, dozens of bees started flying in. I was forced out of my room, window still open. They've usurped my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 13

By whyme7962 - 26/05/2016 04:22 - United States - Mesa

Today, as i was wrestling my girlfriend, i had told her I'd go really easy on her because i did not want to hurt her. she looked me in the eyes and said "big mistake" and proceeded to head butt me and give me a bloody nose. She now thinks she has total power over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 22

By HeibsTwist - 26/05/2016 03:31 - United States - Richland

Today, I accidently sneezed into a fan and it came right back at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 23

By laurencoc - 26/05/2016 03:19

Today, I dropped my boyfriend off at the airport as he is visiting his uncle in a different state for 5 weeks or more. I gave him a kiss and watched him board the plane through the window. Then realised I had given him my car keys to hold while I went to the bathroom. He still has them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 18

By truth always comes out - 26/05/2016 03:02 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I found out that my husband has been lying to me about flirting and exchanging nudes with another woman. I found this out from her, and now she wants to be my best friend.. not gonna happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 26/05/2016 03:02 - United States - Janesville

Today, eight graders were touring my high school to see what it looks like. One of the teachers yelled at me for not staying with the group. I'm a senior, FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 12

By why??? - 26/05/2016 02:39 - United States - Chicago

Today, my little sister told me she "got wet" when the guinea pig we were looking after licked her fingers. When I was doing laundry later that night, I realized she didn't mean wet as in "peed her pants wet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 10

By failureistheonlyoption - 26/05/2016 01:22 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I talked with my grandma about some bad grades. I'm still set to get my degree in December, but now my grandma wants me to take "a year or two" off to work full-time after my summer classes end. This is the same woman who said I'd never see a cent of her money if I took a gap year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

By Jonny2Toes - 26/05/2016 01:03 - United States

Today, at work, my manager told me to bring the next car into the garage. As i was pulling around the corner I ran into another customer. I messed up my back and his car. He had just picked it up from the shop. Now I have to pay for it. And find a new job

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 20

By alekoi - 26/05/2016 00:47 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I had to tell a two year old to keep her hands out of the cats butt. Immediately afterwards I had to tell her to keep her nasty hands out of my mouth, and off my face while I was carrying her to go wash her hands. She did not listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 13

By ahemhellothere - 26/05/2016 00:20 - United States - Tulsa

Today, me and my friend were suppose to hang out today around 7pm. We planned it last night so it was last minute. She ended up canceling. Ok no big deal, until I was looking at her snapchat story and saw at 7:15 she was hanging out with my other friend. Guess she ditched me for my own friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 13

By lilianapalacios - 25/05/2016 23:06 - United States

Today, in precalc class the kid behind me farted and everyone turned around. We all laughed at the sound. It was only until after class that my friend told me "that was funny". I asked her what she was talking about and she responded "You farted. That's what everyone was laughing about!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 37

By up for adoption - 25/05/2016 20:56 - United States - Eagle River

Today, my family of five went on a trip to Barcelona. There was just one problem though. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 24

By strawbsohsix - 25/05/2016 20:43 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, me and my roommate where awoken by loud knocks, at 5AM. Who was it? Our other roommate, drunk as a fiddler, on his ass, without a shirt, keys in hand and a dumbfounded look on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 20:36 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I sat in the doctor's office for 2 hours before anyone bothered to tell me that my appointment was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 21

By DropDeadAnarchy - 25/05/2016 20:29 - United States - Washington

Today, I was sitting on the bleachers at school in the shade alone. I saw two girls approaching me and assumed that they wanted to be nice. I started to say hi, only to be cut off by them explaining that they only came over for the shade. They only spoke to me when they needed to know the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 19

By Ashley_the_Great - 25/05/2016 19:48 - United States - Dallas

Today, as I was walking to my car to go home from school, a bus parked right behind me. I couldn't pull foreward nor could I back up without hitting something. When i asked the bus driver to move or help me back up, she looked at me like i was speaking Klingon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 11

By HellsChampion - 25/05/2016 19:17 - Canada - Burlington

Today I found out that my mom who died 3 weeks ago left nothing to me in her will, and the security guards at her funeral didn't think I was her son and didn't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 17:55 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I was talking to a girl on tinder. She wanted me to snapchat her a picutre of my face because it was too hard for her not knowing what I look like. I sent the picture saw she opened it then sent me a text not even 5 minutes after saying she has a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 19

By PioneeringSpace - 25/05/2016 17:40 - United States - Franklin

Today my puppy chewed the lattice off our porch and tangled his line around the posts underneath. Never mind he had ten toys and treat stuffed things so he wouldn't be *that* bored for 20 minutes. I had to belly crawl through the dirt and drag his 50 lb. butt out while he bit me all the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 24

By Ashd09 - 25/05/2016 16:15 - United States - Dalton

Today, my boyfriend said to me "If body hair on a woman was natural society wouldn't find it so repulsive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 70

By justdoit - 25/05/2016 16:08 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I have had such a lack of motivation that I had to consider brushing my teeth as a personal victory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 83

By Theater_Chef_3 - 25/05/2016 15:18 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I came home from camp to find all of my stuffed animals, including the bear my girlfriend gave me before she passed away, gone. My aunt stole them for her kids and refuses to give them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 28

By WhatDidIDo - 25/05/2016 14:51 - United States - Gresham

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be seen with me in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 38

By IttyBittyTitty - 25/05/2016 14:44 - United States - Pinckney

Today, I realized my athletic boyfriend has bigger breasts than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 44

By Khalo - 25/05/2016 13:29 - Germany

Today, as I was giving a speech in front of the whole school I overheard some of my teachers arguing in the back. They were trying to fix the microphone which wasn't working. I was giving an emotional speech for 20 minutes before I realised it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 63

By Dnamei - 25/05/2016 09:31 - Belgium - Zemst

Today, for the first time since giving birth, I went to ride my bike. Giving birth has apparantly changed my body in some unexpected ways. Long story short: I've severely bruised my vagina by riding a bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 49

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The Top

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 534

You deserved it 11 942

Today, as part of my job, I had to watch a few 5 year-olds while their parents were busy with my manager. It only confirmed my choice to never have children, and yet my mother still insists I should have one, because once they exist and I love them, I’ll see how silly my choice to not have them is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 174

Today, I tried to show off my dance moves at a party and ended up falling through a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 922

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 757

You deserved it 1 305

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 331

You deserved it 9 646

Today, my colleague came back from vacation so I no longer have to do her job on top of mine. My bosses saw this as the perfect occasion to barge into my office every five minutes to hand me tasks. When I asked for a ten-minute break to do a task that needed concentration, they barged in again after five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 94