Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 19/08/2017 22:29

Today my girlfriend just told me that the only reason she got together with me was to get with my best friend. We've been dating for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

By Apparently still 15 - 19/08/2017 22:08

Today, my mum tried to take my iPhone upon discovering I use dating apps. The fact I'm 25, moved out years ago and pay for it myself "wasn't the point." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 6

By Chels - 19/08/2017 20:47

Today, not only do I have the flu in the middle of August, but I also have second degree burns from accidentally spilling hot soup on my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By Aunt Flo - 19/08/2017 01:17 - United States - Berkeley

Today was my first day of high school. I wore these cute new jeans with a favorite shirt to make the perfect back to school outfit. I got some weird looks and I wasn't sure why. When I got home, I looked in the mirror, and saw a huge red bloodstain covering the back of my white jeans. Womanhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 13

By "Sithie" - 19/08/2017 09:12

Today I got a text from a unknown number I told my friend who had the same area code as the number, I told him the first few digits and he said the rest correctly apparently that unknown person was his stalker and found my number on his phone contacts somehow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Gennybiggos - 19/08/2017 02:49 - United States - Highland Park

Today while sleeping in the bed with my almost 2 yr old son and his dad, I woke up in a pool of sweat. My son was latched to my neck and my husband to my waist. This has been happening Evey morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 12

By Loner324 - 19/08/2017 08:44

Today was my first day back to work from being sick. At the end of my shift while I was getting ready to go home, a lady said that she noticed that I shaved, and that it looks nice. I have been so lonely that my first thought was please date me... The lady? My supervisor.

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 19/08/2017 07:45

My mom said "OMG you're a beast! Don't move, I'll be back!" Then proceeded to go get a razor and start shaving my legs. She starting singing "I'm hairy and I know it" to the tune of "I'm sexy and I know it". I'm 19.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 16

By Tass - 19/08/2017 06:45

Today I was with my friends and found what I thought was a cool butterfly (two of them absolutely love butterflies) so I caught it and showed it to them. I didn't know until now that crickets had wings. Now they all think I'm an idiot. If they didn't already. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 26

By toomuchblood - 19/08/2017 06:04

Today, my period unexpectedly arrived. Not only that, but I woke up in the hospital to find my leg broken in two places after a night of heavy drinking, and for the next two days while I am in the hospital, my male nurse will be changing my tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 19/08/2017 05:00

Today I dropped my phone, smashing the screen completely, my husband let me borrow his spare phone. Which I promptly knocked of a bench into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 53

By notmyperiod - 19/08/2017 04:40

Today, I walked around the whole campus wearing a new pair of shorts. Unfortunately, yesterday I went for a run and managed to chafe the inside of my legs so bad they scabbed. I caught sight of myself in a mirror only to realize I had blood running down my legs. No one said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 10

By kat - 18/08/2017 22:25

This weekend my boyfriend of two years decided we should live separately for a while to grow. I agreed and decided to go back to my parents place. Little did I know that my other siblings were doing the same thing and I now live on a couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 18/08/2017 21:26

Today, I was escorted out of a party by nice, wonderful Catholic people who smoke, drink, and curse in front of their kids. Apparently referring to your unborn fetus as anything other than "the Lord's gift," "little angel" or "baby" is evil. I guess "little parasite" was totally inaccurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

By needtostop - 18/08/2017 18:21

Today I realized that I give out my number to strangers way to much. I changed my hair and got a new number a few months ago, but I was talking to a man on the street and he asked for my number. Tried to give him my old one. Turns out he already had it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 66

By MyLifeNeedsHelp - 18/08/2017 12:17 - United States

Today is the first day of Hempfest in Seattle and it is my birthday. I am totally allergic to all cannabis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 18/08/2017 06:59 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was giving a guy a bj. told him I had a sensitive gag reflex and can't DT. He didn't believe me and shoved my head down. I choked so bad I threw up in his lap. He still came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 10

By Kill.me.already - 18/08/2017 14:49

Today... I heard wind that a guy I can't even stand talking to for more than two minutes is going around saying that we are dating, and is totally obsessed with me. I don't even like him enough to have him on Facebook let alone date him. Doesn't help I'm batting for the other team either...FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 3

By Sad Graduate (so a normal graduate) - 18/08/2017 14:25

Today I am sitting in my living room filling out job applications. Again. Perfectly normal for a recent graduate, but a lot less fun when most of your employed or otherwise financially stable friends are calling you out for not taking a break to hang out with them. Cheers guys. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

By alana554 - 18/08/2017 05:52 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I hung out with my friend who I haven't seen or spoken to in a while. I added him on Skype. A few hours after I got home, I got a notification on Skype. Did he message me? Nope, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 898

You deserved it 383

alana554 tells us more.

alana554 18

Thursday 17 August 2017 21:43

turns out he was pranking me. he did /me.

By rosie29393 - 18/08/2017 02:12 - New Zealand

Today, I poked my teacher's butt because I thought it was my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 67

By idk call me whatever - 18/08/2017 03:49

Today, I learned that I will have to retake freshman health as senior. I took that class in 8th grade at my Catholic school, so they let me skip it as a freshman, but now they found out it doesn't count; 4 years too late.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 17/08/2017 21:24

Today, I was making myself and my son a steak and eggs, I was talking to my grandma-in-law about how I could only separate the smallest one and she tells me that's good because I've gained enough weight. I'm 8 months pregnant.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 6

By "cuddlycactus" - 17/08/2017 21:01

Today, as I was driving to town, I wanted to test if one of my malfunctioning electric car windows could be made to work again. Well, it did work, and by "work" I mean it just fell down and wont go back up again. College is starting soon. fml

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 17/08/2017 16:18

Today, I decided to go topless at the beach to celebrate my weigh loss and recent singleness. However I forgot redheads and sun without sunscreen don't mix well. Ow, my poor burned tits.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 180

By "TurboTittieTwisters" - 17/08/2017 15:38

My wife just spent 3 hours trying to convince me that two white people can make a black baby after getting back from the hospital.

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 8

By Jessica D Pi Chi - 17/08/2017 06:02

Today I have a second phone interview for this really amazing hospital in a new state I'd love to live in for a new nurse job. I woke up with laryngitis and have no voice whatsoever. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By Shadrach - 17/08/2017 10:56 - Philippines

My mom and dad just had a big fight in front of me then my brother tried to console me by saying its their foreplay. I dont want to see them fight ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

By Helion - 17/08/2017 04:53

Today, I came home from work after a nine hour day. I was looking forward to relaxing with some ice tea since I work outdoors and it's 90 degrees out today. My husband informed me that I needed to clean out the fridge to make room for his watermelon. How many hours does my husband work? Zero

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 13

By home_chef - 17/08/2017 04:17

Today, my girlfriend scolded me for being unhealthy after I told her my supper was rice and a pork chop made at home. She ate at a Mexican restaurant then went for two gin and tonics at a bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 5

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, not long after having had my college volleyball scholarship confirmed, I broke my ankle after stepping on and tripping over a toy my baby sister had left out. No scholarship and no college whatsoever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 753

You deserved it 3 023

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of a conversation with my best friend, where we were making fun of my mum’s new haircut, to my mum. She responded with, “Well, at least my haircut can change. What are you going to do about your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 852

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 412

You deserved it 22 027

Today, my boyfriend suddenly stopped in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 603

You deserved it 3 707

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 701

You deserved it 2 847

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 738

You deserved it 7 386