Nearly FMLs

By Josie - 26/08/2017 17:35

Today I stubbed my toe getting in the shower, hit my head on the wall, splattered conditioner into my mouth and eye, nicked my knee shaving, my toe slipped off the hold and bent my toenail back, & finally forgot to turn the hot water down before blasting my undercarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 19

By ShadowReiku - 26/08/2017 17:33

Today, I refused to buy an item in a video game because it was slightly more than I wanted to spend, despite having millions of the in-game currency saved up. Meanwhile, I have $30 to my name in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 60

By Scythe - 26/08/2017 15:01 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today my phone's screen broke, literally days after I cancelled the insurance for it, thinking I wouldn't need it any more. The worst part? I was watching porn, so I don't even want to get it fixed, as I would have to show the frozen porn screen to the repairman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 15:38

I got a breakfast sandwich and was rushing to get to my first day of school. spilled sauce and coffee all down my white shirt. I have to meet people and then go straight from class to work.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 20

By "azouwa" - 26/08/2017 13:39

Today, I was yelled at for being an hour late with someone's medication. Due to HIPPA I couldn't tell them it was because I was busy stopping someone down the hall from bleeding to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

By Drowningintears - 26/08/2017 06:05 - United States - College Station

Today Hurricane Harvey has arrived on the coast, and my test center for SAT tests refuses to close. Almost all the test centers in the affected area have closed, except for the two closest to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By badluckllama - 26/08/2017 12:25

Today my girlfriend and I were showing vacation pictures to her parents and brother, streamed from my phone to their smart-tv. By error a fellatio picture appeared in the rotation. It was awkward, and even though I skipped fast and they pretended not to see it, she won't do more xxx-pics ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 99

By Stardust_tk - 26/08/2017 08:17

Today, a really cute guy stopped me at lunch and told me that I was really cute and he wanted to ask me out on a date. There's just one problem - he's gay. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 09:16 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I discovered that I can hear my new flatmate (for at least a year) chew from the other side of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 6

By oh god - 26/08/2017 06:30

Today, I met an Internet friend in real life for the first time and we had steak for dinner. I bit into a beef rib and I guess I hit a huge artery because it spurted blood everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 03:55

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend stating that we're no longer going out to dinner, despite me asking him to be sure before I put in leave from work. Now I'm home alone and losing money. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 21:46 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my dad told me I couldn't bring my bedroom fan to college because it's white and people will think I'm racist. I'm genuinely not sure whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

By ijwaa - 25/08/2017 20:47 - United States - Lincoln Park

Today, despite have the safety lock on and put on a high shelf, I still managed to get sprayed in the face with bear mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 14

By upchucktroubles - 25/08/2017 17:15 - United States - Vashon

My boss asked me to smoke some weed with her today. I grabbed my pipe, took a big hit and handed it to her. She took a hit and started vomiting. Guess who got to clean it up. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 59

By HeroZeroPlayer - 26/08/2017 08:11 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I wanted to switch internet providers. The moment I submitted my request, my internet service went down. I tried getting on data and it was down too. I thought my internet service provider took away my internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 8

By "Talented73" - 26/08/2017 01:22

Today, I traveled 90 minutes to get to Citi Field to see the Mets play, only to discover I read the schedule wrong. Thought I'd be seeing a ballgame and getting a free t-shirt; looks like I'll be doing neither. To top it off, a pigeon took a shit on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 23:53

Today, I realized that I been single for too long when after my date was playing with my hair I got a hard on....FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 9

By DB Cooper - 25/08/2017 22:21

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the day I decided to eat some weed and ended up wandering around for an hour before going to the ER the rest of the day. I had to cancel my own birthday party. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 82

By Badwolf219 - 25/08/2017 20:52

A few days ago I found out my husband was messaging other women telling them he's divorced. He swears there was no physical contact but one woman found me on Facebook and swears they had sex. She seems crazy so I don't know whoto believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 20:33

Today, my parents broke the news that I won't be going to my aunts wedding because I'm "too fat." I'm a recovering anorexic and barely weigh 100lbs. They're both morbidly obese. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 10

By ugh - 25/08/2017 20:00

Today, my ex, who is also my roommate, questioned me about something I had said in a private conversation to my friend on Facebook. He admitted to going through my tablet, which is password protected, because he "doesn't trust me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 609

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 18:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my mum asked me to cancel her phone insurance. I agreed, then learnt the policy isn't attached to the phone contract, so needs a policy number to cancel it. She can't find it, so I can't cancel the policy, and somehow it's all my fault FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By sociopathornah - 25/08/2017 18:35

Today, I realized how messed up my friend is when my brother and I started playing our usual game of "is she a sociopath?" The difference this time: I couldn't tell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 8

By "Sweet_Corruption" - 25/08/2017 06:09 - United States

Today, as a 17 year old Senior in high school, I hit a major milestone in my life. I found my first grey hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 6

Godiva giveth and Godiva taketh away

By Loserman67 - 25/08/2017 10:41

Today, I took a rare day off after learning of a Godiva chocolate factory not that far from us. I checked out the website, got the hours, and drove over 25 miles with my wife to get there, only to find out it's for vendors, staff, and their families only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 170

You deserved it 1 442

loserman67 tells us more.

loserman67 35

Friday 18 August 2017 20:25

OP here - the place is like Fort Knox. Many levels of security but everyone was polite. Tried my best to con our way in but no luck.

By clumsyantha - 25/08/2017 09:21

Today I pulled a shoulder muscle while starting my lawn mower. After mowing the lawn, I went to my freezer to grab an ice pack to soothe my shoulder pain. As I reached to grab the ice pack, I knocked a glass water-filled bottle onto my toe and broke my toe. Now using ice pack for toe instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 9

By i'mscrewed - 25/08/2017 04:57

Today was my last day to purchase Plan B due to an insanely crazy and hectic schedule. For some reason my two nosiest friends decided to tag along and follow me down each aisle. Once I finally escaped from their grasp, I quickly grabbed my item only to find out my debit card is missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 30

By outplayed - 25/08/2017 04:20

Today, my prayers finally came true when my biggest crush actually came to my house. I quickly prettied up and right before I get to answer the door, I saw him leave with my 5 year old sister. They got paired-up at our school's little and big brother/sister campaign and are out on a play-date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 21

By KaD - 25/08/2017 00:35

Today, I got another 30 day ban on Facebook for the same thing they gave me a 30 day ban for 30 days ago, even though I didn't repost. It was about a wanted fugitive who set up a fake charity and is using the money to evade police. This somehow violates the 'community standards'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 00:28

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the shower of a university building where he works and where I study. To cover the sounds he turned on the shower. Just when we were going at it, the steam of the shower set off the fire alarm. The whole building had to be cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 72

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 206

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 778

You deserved it 4 053

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 432

You deserved it 6 743

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 287

You deserved it 7 438

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 977

You deserved it 5 906

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 747

You deserved it 2 742