Nearly FMLs

By Awesome_Stephie - 16/08/2017 14:26

Today, my 6 year old daughter tried to blame her 6 month old brother for getting into the cupboard and eating all the snacks for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 11

By "Luke16eirb7deneuwn1" - 16/08/2017 10:43 - Austria

Today in the morning I made sure my phones battery was at 100%, because I knew I won't get an opportunity to charge it during the day. My phone now is at 29%. It's not even 11am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 23

By The Idiot in Blue - 16/08/2017 01:36 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, I discovered the Matrix movie isn't one movie, but a trilogy. I had an argument with my dad and apparently the names weren't just ripoffs of the original. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 65

By FleaBait - 16/08/2017 08:37

Today, I moved into my first apartment. After spending an entire day moving and unpacking, I noticed there are fleas. Not as many as there could be but definitely the start of an infestation. The office said they'd send someone out "this week" to "see what they find." Yay, adulthood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By Milo - 15/08/2017 20:40 - Canada

Today, I had explosive diarrhea at a strip club in the only woman's bathroom/changing room. All the strippers ran out and gave me stink eye as I left. Damn irritable bowel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

By Deadgirl - 15/08/2017 18:04 - United States - Fargo

My boyfriend dumped me for my sister because she's "cuter" We're identical twins.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 3

By Nuffman - 16/08/2017 09:03 - Australia - Melbourne

I had to buy a new car because my previous one had been totaled. 40 minutes after purchasing the new vehicle, a car reveresed into it. Now I'm waiting to hear from the insurance company if they deem this one a write off... FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 2

By withcaffeine - 15/08/2017 18:38 - Canada

Today I wasted propane by turning the BBQ on and forgetting about it for half an hour. Then when I tried to put the meat on the grill, I dropped it on the ground. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 43

By Jdiaz08 - 15/08/2017 23:55

Today went to have drinks with friends, wore white pants. Whilst dancing, guy points at my pants to other guy. I run to restroom and there's a huge red stain, the night was already ending... Friend had to walk behind me for remainder of night, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 6

By Awkward Girl - 15/08/2017 22:39

My friend invited me to lunch with some of her sorority sisters. While we were there, one of the girls was telling us about how she was nervous because she was going to help her other friend give birth. Everybody was saying positive remarks and I belted out "you're gonna kill it" as in, you got this

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 21:40

Last night my friend and I were out for a drive. Trying to avoid hitting a raccoon my friend swerved and lost control of the car crashing into my neighbors front lawn. We then spent 4 hours dealing with cops and tow trucks. Her car is totaled.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 7

By Divorced - 15/08/2017 21:36

Today, I woke up for the first time as a married woman- at my parents' house. My adult stepson got buzzed at the reception, bent down to retrieve a dropped cigarette, and split his head on a balcony bannister. Saw blood, and promptly vomited on my dress. The ER staff loved my tiara.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By RunForrestRun - 15/08/2017 20:45

Today, we finally got the power back on after a 16 hour long blackout. We also finally located my 25-year-old cousin who is deeply afraid of the dark. He freaked, ran off in the middle of the night in his undies and somehow wound up three towns over. I have to drive 15 miles just to pick him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 20:17

Today I sent my boyfriend a message a guy from school had sent me in which he made fun of me. My boyfriend thought it was hilarious and refused to understand why that might upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 9

By Left outside alone - 16/08/2017 03:43 - Australia - East Maitland

Today I returned home from a trip to the ER under the drunken impression I had lost a tampon up there. I never put one in in the first place. Then I returned home to find I was locked out of home, with no housemates awake to let me back inside. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 19:14

today I went to fill petrol in my car to the nearest station. Told the operator to fill it up, he came back after 5 mins and told it's done . I reached back home and noticed he actually forgot to fill my car and took my money .FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 42

By coulditgetanyworse? - 15/08/2017 18:49

Today, on top of trying to get a divorce and filing a protective order against my abusive husband, and having to move back into my parents' house because I already couldn't afford to get a place on my own, I got fired this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By bbr - 15/08/2017 18:27

Today I realized I make less money than 10y ago, with more experience and a master's degree, because I wanted to make the world "a better place" and work for the non-profit sector. I don't have enough money to make it to the next month. I now wish I cared for nothing but myself. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 24

By Baked beauty - 15/08/2017 13:47

Today, I was smoking with the guy I've been seeing for over a year. I was really high and thinking about how much I loved him, & for some reason I accidentally blurted out "I love you". He pretended not to hear what I said, and when I nervously repeated it, he asked what we should watch on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

By should have said nothing - 15/08/2017 13:42

Today, I've learned that I was excommunicated from my newly found group of friends in a new state. Why? I told one of them their girlfriend was cheating on him. He decided she wasn't and now they all think I'm some psychopathic liar. His girlfriend is still cheating on him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By getalifepreserver - 15/08/2017 12:51

Today, after a month with no matches on tinder I finally match with a beautiful girl we have a great conversation, she then informs me that she is under eighteen and still in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 10

By Munchies - 15/08/2017 11:31

Today my now ex of three years came over to break up with me. He brought his mum. He's 32 years old and we lived together... Fml

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By Hellblazer_Sith - 15/08/2017 01:30 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today I went to fix the backup as it wasn't writing to a hard drive. I ran a test and went to delete it... only to delete all the backup jobs on the server... we had no backup of the backup jobs. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 47

By Hunk - 15/08/2017 04:56 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my dad found a hickey on my neck, which my secret boyfriend gave me and asked me about it before I could say anything he applauded and said "you finally did it man". Too bad he doesn't know his man is gay.FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By broke and homeless - 14/08/2017 15:26

Today, I was looking for an apartment in the city, but all the renters require income to exceed three times the monthly rent amount. Pretty sure if I made $4,000 a month, I wouldn't be living in apartments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By AnExplodedMinion - 14/08/2017 19:56 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, walked into the kitchen to find my kid's chin, hands, arms, and the bench, walls, and floor covered in yellow food dye. The kids spilt it everywhere last night and decided not to tell anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 10

By mummy tummy - 14/08/2017 10:31

Today, my three year old pulled my shirt up and yelled: "Mummy has a baby in the tummy! Big tummy!" I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

By BCPearl - 14/08/2017 05:09

Today, I was in the kitchen eating dinner. My parents go outside to check out the storm brewing. I glance over and I see the back side of my mom jerking off my dad in the doorway. When I protest, my mom just says, "well don't look then!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 13

By ProudAfricanHere - 14/08/2017 04:30

Today, my co-worker, a black woman born and raised in Oklahoma, rudely implied I shouldn't call myself african, even though I was born and raised in Cape Town, a city my family has lived in since its foundation. It seems the fact I am white is what troubles her about the whole situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 657

You deserved it 509

By nody - 14/08/2017 03:50

Today, the truck came around to empty the out houses at work. It stank to high hell while they were doing it. On the way home, I learned the smell had somehow gotten into my car vents. Now even with an air freshener clip, my vents smell like urine whenever I use the air. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 014

You deserved it 28 799

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 896

You deserved it 8 681

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 557

You deserved it 7 384

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 384

You deserved it 3 379

Today, I realised exactly how bad my social anxiety has gotten when I had a panic attack watching someone ask someone else out on a fictional show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 335

Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 766

You deserved it 2 465