Nearly FMLs

By "Ava_Darkflame" - 12/08/2017 05:24

Today, a sneeze sent me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 12/08/2017 03:33

Today at work I was draining the oil drain ( I work in a garage) and I hooked up the air hose to pressurize the tank and immediately oil spewed everywhere. Apparently the hose doesnt stay in the tank by itself like all the other ones Ive used. about 20 gallons of oil was all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 13

By pjsr - 12/08/2017 02:34

Today visiting the hospital, I asked for Joe Lastname. She didn't have anyone by that name, and insisted the room number couldn't be given without the correct info. When I finally found him some time later, I asked his actual first name. He said, 'Joseph'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 12/08/2017 02:28

Today, after work I got drinks with my coworkers. I offer to get the first round of drinks. They're all happy. Check time. Card declined. Why? Because I was short by $0.67 ... FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 18

By anonymous - 11/08/2017 18:58 - United States

Today I woke up with swollen legs. The mosquito bites I got from the five minutes I spent under a tree on vacation are due to a formerly undiagnosed allergy to mosquito saliva.I have about forty of them which are preventing me from walking and snapping my fingers, and itch cream is ineffective. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 7

By FetusDeletus - 11/08/2017 22:34

Today was my sister's baby shower. Every older female relative asked me when I was having kids (I'm 22) and then refused to accept "never" as an answer. My grandma asked what I would do if I accidentally got pregnant and I blurted out that I would get an abortion. Now everyone is angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 29

By "Stephlunn1903" - 11/08/2017 21:55

Today, I decided to cook wearing only a robe that decided to fly open when I bent over to go in the oven ... burning my nipple. now my boob is all messed up and really hurts. , FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 60

By Alita - 11/08/2017 12:23 - Costa Rica - San Jos?

I was with my boyfriend at the bus stop. A girl turns around and says hi. I ask him who is she? A friend from the bus... Later I found out she was the girl he was cheating on me with

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By DogWalker - 11/08/2017 19:52

Today my dog decided to take a poo in the middle of the sidewalk. Instead of leaving it for someone to step in, i grabbed a leaf from a nearby bush, picked it up, and walked to an landscaped piece of land and placed it there. Someone drove by in a car and decided to ring me out in front people.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 91

By "KatPls" - 11/08/2017 19:15

Today, my grandpa couldn't access his email so he thinks that by my using the Ethernet cable for a direct internet connection my computer somehow gave his computer a virus. I didn't even touch his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 9

By still hungry - 11/08/2017 18:04

Today, I thought I was sick,I called in sick to work, using my last sick day. Turns out I was just hungry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 99

By Glynnis - 11/08/2017 16:46

Today, my daughter burned half of my kitchen down trying to make a boiled egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 15

By Jiggle - 11/08/2017 14:29

Today I flew all the way from Australia to Italy so I could surprise visit my sister. I walked in on her making love to her secret boyfriend . FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 11/08/2017 06:22

Today, my hubby & I were on a beach in Crete, when I had to pee. The only toilet was a portapotty, so I said: "this is not the best place to be a germaphobe!" My husband looked at me in chock, and said: "babe, it isn't polite to say stuff like that, when there are german people everywhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 17

By "Tess Alexandra" - 11/08/2017 06:16

Today, I found out that even when you put a sock on the door and text your roommate, that doesn't mean she won't still come bardging in with the house mother in tow. So much for a sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 11/08/2017 05:48

Today, while I was walking home from the park with my friend I turned around and my friend was walking slowly behind me and I told her, while looking forward, that she was a really freaking slow walker just as an elderly woman walked past me and said "I'm an old woman you rude hussie!

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 17

By KitKat - 10/08/2017 22:30 - United States - Carbondale

Told my friend I liked him. He told me to shut it down and keep my feelings in check. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 11

By Asdfghjkl - 11/08/2017 03:21

Today I was catching up on past messages in group chat I'm part of. At one point one person starts complaining about a horrible dry spell they're going through and how they'd do just about anything (or anyone) to end it. That was my girlfriend who forgot I was in that group. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 30

By "nuovi" - 11/08/2017 02:49

I was given the recent storage count for the little store that I'm a part of. there was a lot of mistakes resulting in almost 88k $ goods that are unregistered or counted wrong. as a result of this I have had to do a recount. now there is 110k $ worth of goods missing.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 10/08/2017 20:28

Today I started my new job as a server at a pub. My first task? Walk around the local waterfront park handing out Help Wanted flyers.... fml

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 6

By Pfunk - 10/08/2017 11:55

Today, I requested an Uber to meet up with a guy I met on Grindr. Uber driver gets pulled over and arrested for warrants. One of the police officers gives me a ride to hookups house and insists on walking me to the door to make sure I'm home ok since I said the Uber driver was taking me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 31

By Panama - 10/08/2017 00:36

Today, I've finally decided to break out of my years long comfort zone and fear of rejection. I bought a drink to the girl who constantly looked my way. She rejected me. How do I know? My colleague explained in detail how she walked around, asking who will take it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 9

By itsStillfunny - 09/08/2017 21:35

Today, I had to call patients to confirm appointments for the doctor I work for. Been doing this for 10 years, so I can recite the message in my sleep. Decided to read some FMLs while calling to keep me awake. Mr. Bates answers my call, says hello- to which I respond "Good afternoon masterbates" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 58

By fed_up - 09/08/2017 21:18

Today, after spending the last 2 days going over roles and responsibilities with my partner at work, she did the exact opposite AGAIN. This is her 4th month and when I try to tell our boss she says to give her a chance and that I need to mentor better. I'm so fed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 10

By "94virago" - 09/08/2017 21:01

My sister texted me about a weird dream she had where we were married. She wrapped it up by saying, "Eh. I could do worse."

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 10

By Mathilde Pinault - 09/08/2017 20:48

Today, I was patiently sitting in the turning lane to turn left. That was until I was hit head on by a guy going over the speed limit because he was late for work and tried skipping traffic. According to the cop its "legal". He got away with it. I'm left with a ticket and 3000 bucks of damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 19:57

Today, I came home from a twelve hour workday. My roommate said that his cat must have gotten in my room in the morning and was stuck in there for a while but she was fine. What wasn't fine was rolling onto a puddle of cat vomit at 1AM that she left on my bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 11

By Working Collage Student - 09/08/2017 18:10

Today, my supervisor decided to write me up for doing school work at work back before the Spring semester ended. It's now August. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 13

By PrettyLittleTruther - 09/08/2017 15:31

Today I woke up, passed my parents bedroom and heard them getting it on. My mom was supposedly out of town, so I just thought she came back early. I was eating breakfast when they finally came down. Everything was fine until my dad said, "Bye Tanya." My mom has a twin. Her name is Tanya. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 7

By "AshleyLuvsFrank" - 08/08/2017 14:46 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today one of my cashiers used the wrong item number, costing the customer an extra $50. I had to void the transaction then ring it again myself. What I didn't realize was that they used debit. When you void a debit you give them the cash back. I guess they'll be in for the $237.15 I owe them. FML...

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 32

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The Top

Today, my sciatica is so bad that my feet feel like they have frostbite, I don't know what to do. Getting older sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 90

Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 728

You deserved it 6 779

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend of two years. I realized I was going to be late for work, so I asked him to hand me my underwear. I had never seen the underwear he gave me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 3 878

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 535

You deserved it 4 304

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 334

You deserved it 3 820

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 418

You deserved it 3 732