Nearly FMLs

By prune - 30/08/2017 01:40

Today, I went in for an abortion after being told by my GP I was eight weeks pregnant. The performing doctor insisted I was thirteen and a half weeks pregnant. I have only been with my boyfriend for two months, and haven't had sex with anyone else for more than six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 19

By "Jarrod Bignall" - 30/08/2017 00:14

Today, my wife went into labour and I am not good with blood so I had to stay out in the hall. So when the nurse came out To me she said "it's time for your son to meet his maker". so I walked in and they hadn't cleaned the baby up yet and I started to feel sick, then... I vomited on my son! FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 12

By Nothingdone - 30/08/2017 00:02

Today, our entire computer system that we solely rely on has been down for the last 7 hours. I finally asked management if we could just go home instead of wasting the next hour. Nope, and we'll need to stay until everything is caught up tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By Artrovert - 29/08/2017 21:47

Today, my parents told me I can't use my car for the next five months because I need to get settled into college. I just got my license a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 4

By ashily24 - 29/08/2017 19:51

Today, I was invited to a wedding. My best friends, and my very recent ex fiancé. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 11

By "savannahjodi " - 29/08/2017 13:05

Today I took my 1 year old out to eat, when it was time to leave I picked her up & took her to the bathroom to change her. half way to the bathroom I realized I had baby shit all over my arm. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 10

By "ikariya" - 29/08/2017 12:37

Today I found out that my boyfriend of 6 years and my sister have been sexting each other behind my back for weeks, even after both of them promised me I had nothing to worry about.\nHappy 30th to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 29/08/2017 03:30

Today I caught my 6 year old daughter looking up sex on the tablet. Not looking forward to the talk that dad and I will be having later with her.

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 13

Yes Netflix, No Chill

By Unluckh - 29/08/2017 01:29

Today, I swapped shifts with a coworker, arranged childcare, and cleaned my house so I could have the perfect Netflix date night. He then bailed with a complicated story that made no sense. Looks like another weekend of just me and pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 294

By "bestgirlrelocated" - 28/08/2017 23:43

Today, I decided to try and get in touch with distant family members in an effort to reconnect and make some new relationships. I logged into my father's FB to see who me might have kept in touch with over the years. In less than an hour, I went from being an only child to having a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 12

By "nozVail" - 28/08/2017 21:19

Today, I built up the courage to ask for my girlfriend's father's blessing to marry her. My heart dropped when before I even finished he facepalmed and said "Oh jeez..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 28/08/2017 15:09 - United States - Jersey City

I was writing an email to my teacher, but when I finished it said"containing illegal characters" and failed to deliver. I revised it for many times but had no use. For the last time I was angry and wrote "damn it" in the email and send it again. it was succeeded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 39

By neversurrender96 - 28/08/2017 17:35

Today after a week of fighting with my girlfriend over her immaturity, and a particularly stressful time at work I decided to download a guided meditation app to help relax. Midway through the first session my girlfriend barges in and starts unloading on me with a nerf gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 20

By Bloody Mary - 28/08/2017 16:39

I got funny looks as I walked in to my first class of the semester late. I later discovered that not only was I wearing black underwear under my light colored romper, but my period decided to come 2 weeks early.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 28/08/2017 16:00

Today, it was the freshman school picture day. Today was also the day my cross country coach decided to have a 6:30am practice. School starts at 7:35, and she planned for the practice to end at exactly that time. Since I'm the only freshman, nobody else cared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 28/08/2017 13:52

Today, I found out my future father in law devoutly believes the story that the world is only a few thousand years old, evolution is a lie and all dinosaur bones are obviously fakes made to deceive us. I'm a natural history professor. Sunday dinner should be a blast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 28/08/2017 13:51

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 5

By single piece of maze - 28/08/2017 08:02

Today, my 56 year old dad decided to drunkenly ride his bike into a tree, and thereafter refusing to go to the doctors. Turns out he broke his face 3 places and now needs major operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

By StBehold - 28/08/2017 04:53

Today, I was looking through my late grandfather's old music, when I found something a little less tasteful. Apparently my uncle had looked through it beforehand and gave it to us anyway. Later I found my dad watching it. What better way to remember family but a porno. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 6

By oreosaretoocool - 28/08/2017 04:50

Today, whilst watching the season finale of game of thrones, the tv volume was too quiet for me to hear. I rushed forward to turn it up and in my excitement I knocked my TV off the wall and it fell on my foot. I broke both my foot and my TV...FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 28

By welllllp - 27/08/2017 08:49

Today, I tried having phone sex for the first time, and while on facetime I ended up pissing my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 43

By WellOkThen - 27/08/2017 08:47

Today, at work I saw a customer come into the store. She walked directly into the headphones section, and I walked up to her and said "How's it going?" while I was walking around in the area. She began to scream, calling me a sexist asshole in front of multiple customers and storms out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By bettedavis - 27/08/2017 08:43

Today I got the first text from someone in over a week. It's was a reminder from my doctor informing me I'm due for my Pap smear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

By Toasted - 27/08/2017 07:08

Today, my sister got married and my dad went on a pro-life rant during his toast. I made a toast that had a poop and sex joke. Guess which one of us she is mad at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 71

By "myplacetorant" - 27/08/2017 05:10

my co-worker "accidentally" stepped on my ankle I need surgery on, didn't apologize and didn't help me up after I dropped to the floor crying in so much pain.

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 27/08/2017 00:57

I have an audition for my school's production of The Little Mermaid. Ironically I am losing my voice.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 22:43

Today my superior from another department asked me out...this is my second day working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By Shay - 26/08/2017 14:39 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I brought my brand new (expensive) iPhone into work. Unfortunately, I work a a daycare. One of the kids got ahold of my phone and next thing I know the screen is shattered. $100 in repair, and when I take it home, the headphones don't work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 94

By Texalian - 26/08/2017 19:03

Today my roommate decided it was a good idea to blame me for him ad his gf breaking up and his awful grades. his reason? My dog answers me when I call him and not him. He's 19 and studying to become a vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By I'm innocent. - 26/08/2017 18:12

Today, I was walking home with a friend. When I got home, my mom bitched me out. Why? My friend's grandma called her, saying she saw me "beat him up." This has been one of many attempts to separate us for a 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, my coworkers had a Thanksgiving party, but it was Christians only, so I wasn't invited. I'm an expat, and I don't know any other Americans here. I was lonely, so I invited a non-American friend out to dinner. She said she couldn't go because she was invited to a Thanksgiving party. I spent the evening alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 176

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 187

You deserved it 9 930

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 240

You deserved it 3 727

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 876

You deserved it 4 759

Today, I have to show my boss daily reports on my work over the last three months. She told me this yesterday. They're mandatory, but nobody has ever wanted to see them in the three years I've been working here, so I have long since stopped doing them. It's now 3 am, I start work at 7.30, and I'm not even close to done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 721

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my two weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 589

You deserved it 285