Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 12/06/2018 02:15 - United States

Today my college roommate (and close friend) told me she was pulling out of our housing contract for next year 20 days before the final deadline. Now I get to live with a complete stranger, and she gets to live with her boyfriend of 11 days (who she cheated on her old boyfriend with). FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By Anon - 12/06/2018 05:21

Today, the girl that I’ve been dating for two years suddenly moved away, blocked my number, and blocked me on all social media. Things were going good and I am clueless as to what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 02:28

Today, I realized my girlfriend is more attracted to my mother than she is to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

By PoPo - 11/06/2018 21:40

Today, I was suppose to leave for training in California. Training scheduled a year in advance, and that would have gotten me promoted. After packing and leaving for the airport, the class cancelled and no one bothered to call to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 3

By izayoi - 11/06/2018 12:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, I discovered that every single time I cook for myself, my mom immediately rushes into the kitchen and criticizes my cooking the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By Aj - 11/06/2018 18:50

Today, the photographer came to take pictures of the tennis team for my school’s yearbook, but did not take any of me. Since this is my senior year, I spent $75 on one (prior to the photo shoot). Oh, I also happen to be the captain of the tennis team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By Mango - 11/06/2018 20:05 - India - Ghaziabad

Today, I was driving back to my house after watching a movie with my friends. When I walked in, I saw my grandmother standing on a chair, with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. I politely told her to come down and give me the bottle. She shouted, "You're *my name*!, did you know you're adopted?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By meepmoop - 11/06/2018 06:37

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when she suddenly plunged her tongue down my throat. I choked and pulled back out of shock. She then proceeded to tell me "You're a bad kisser. It's okay.. I can teach you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 9

By Mark Dunn - 11/06/2018 04:52

Today, after three months of dating, my gf asked me to break up with her in front of her family so she can get sympathy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By "Boyufd" - 11/06/2018 03:14

Today, it's me and my younger sister's birthday. Guess who got taken out and got a new phone for their birthday? Not me. Apparently my family also forgot it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 2

By ChickenLil0219 - 11/06/2018 02:32

Today, I found out that my roommate was moving out. Okay, fine. However, when I woke up she had destroyed my home. Dumped trash everywhere. Left my fridge and freezer doors. The best part, she stole every single roll of toilet paper from my house. I discovered this while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By spaceboi - 10/06/2018 18:20

Today, I fucked up by spending the remainder of my bank account on coach fare to go see someone who said they "loved me", only to have them completely block me and not talk to me for no apparent reason. I'm now broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 56

By Ksenia - 10/06/2018 10:09 - Russian Federation - Yoshkar-ola

Today, it was my birthday. Both of my ex-boyfriends who I haven't kept in touch with texted me to wish a happy birthday. My actual boyfriend didn't even remember about that day.

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 3

By SyncSymphony - 09/06/2018 21:18 - United States

Today, I nearly peed my pants waiting for my girlfriend in the bathroom, but her reasoning was pretty good. "You came in my ass, I get the bathroom first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 95

By That guy - 10/06/2018 00:52

Today, I got communal fish for my new tank because I like watching them swim in a group. Once I brought them home, all they do is to either stay in separate corners or fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 9

By Lonelygirl - 09/06/2018 17:40 - Mexico - Puebla

Today, I walked into my boyfriend's house and his dog greeted me with a strange movement, 3 seconds later my foot was covered with dog cum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 7

By fortyfivedegrees - 09/06/2018 21:06

Today, a truck driver hit me from behind while I was crossing the crosswalk with a walk signal. My ankle broke so badly that my foot was sticking out at a 45-degree angle. In response, my gf messaged me to complain that I haven't been paying her enough attention today. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 4

By Livi - 09/06/2018 14:43 - United States - New York

Today, I was the first to stir in the morning after a sleepover. This caused the cat to scream for food until everyone else woke up. It was before 8am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 15

By Dead inside - 09/06/2018 12:13 - United States - Midland

Today, I told my wife that our relationship should NOT be just about sex.... she left talking about leaving me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 9

By Horror_girl - 09/06/2018 15:06 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I turned up for an employment-related course that was booked over a week ago. I turned up early, and then waited for hours. No one turned up to run it, and the door was locked. Guess I'm not getting a job anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 3

By Annoyed - 09/06/2018 13:51

Today, actually every day for the past week, after being dry for a year I randomly started wetting the bed again. I am 22 yrs old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 6

By an1@hb3lle - 09/06/2018 00:06

Today, I found out that not only do you leave scratches on your clit when you masturbate with acrylic nails, but it burns like a motherfucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 89

By erys - 08/06/2018 23:44

Today, I turned 21. After hours of painstakingly changing my appearance in an effort to appear older, I went out to buy alcohol. When it came time to pay, the cashier didn't even ask to see my ID and went straight to kicking me out of the liquor store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 24

By Youreagoodmancharlie - 08/06/2018 22:14

Today, I’m staying with my cousin for a few days, and I left my shoes in a corner in his apartment overnight. While at a restaurant for lunch, I felt something in my shoe, so I sat down and pulled it out. It was a dead cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

By Shandog12 - 08/06/2018 20:36

Today my (ex) best friend told me she thinks I’m a selfish bitch and I need to learn to think about somebody other than myself. This was after I told her I can’t accept she cheated on her boyfriend of 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 11

By ButILikeMyTeeth - 08/06/2018 20:29

Today, I went to the dentist alone for the first time, for nothing more than a routine cleaning, like we had discussed. She commented how beautiful my teeth were - too beautiful, apparently, as she wanted to keep one for herself. I came home with one wisdom tooth less in my mouth. I'm still traumatized.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 08/06/2018 15:38

Today, I went into my parents room to see if my sister went to school because she goes in there when she skips. I ended up walking in on my father masturbating and taking a picture when he was supposed to be at work. On the plus side; my sister went to school and I'm scarred. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 20

By Loulou - 08/06/2018 13:37

Today, I'm being stalked by my birth father who completely abandoned the family almost 40 years ago. His sisters have all died and he wants a daughter to take care of him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 2

By Guy - 08/06/2018 03:54

Today, I found out for the third time this year, I'm just the rebound guy before a girl gets back with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 4

By Greasy - 08/06/2018 02:12

Today I went to get my eyebrows threaded when the lady doing my brows asked me if I had coconut oil in my hair because it’s greasy. That’s just my natural hair a day after washing and putting dry shampoo in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 412

You deserved it 10 708

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying, "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 928

You deserved it 54 622

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 638

You deserved it 8 110

Today, I told my friend that I don't like spending time around one of her other friends. He's a hardcore Trumpist, who goes out of his way to make people uncomfortable, and be as cruel as possible at every opportunity. She uninvited me from our weekly game nights, because, "He's lonely and depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 385

Today, my family has begun preparations for my dad's birthday party. We figured out that the closest date that will work is the fifth of June. Also today, I got a letter in the mail. I have jury duty. Take a wild guess what day it's on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 94

Today, my husband and son had their first DIY project. Less than 30 minutes later, our son’s crying in his room. Turns out my husband is just like his dad. “WHY ARE YOU STANDING DOING NOTHING? PASS ME THE THING. NOT THAT THING, THE OTHER THING. HERE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. PAY ATTENTION, GOD DAMMIT.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 123