Nearly FMLs

By bday girl - 18/06/2018 03:06

Today, it’s the 10th year in a row where my period has fallen on my birthday. It doesn’t even follow that pattern on the other months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 5

By hannahlee - 17/06/2018 16:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, after three days of eating nothing but plain white rice in an effort to become less gassy, I farted in a crowded room. Well, it WAS crowded. Now it’s deserted and I’m pretty sure a few kids puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 15

By noname - 17/06/2018 22:59

Today, I discovered that I have less than a five minute window in the morning in which I can go poop. If I miss that window by even a second, I become constipated for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 9

By bobby1977 - 17/06/2018 20:33

Today, my roommate told me she hates a dirty kitchen. That would be ok, but I am the only one that cooks and does the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By The big V - 17/06/2018 12:42

Today, I told my husband to go to the beach for father's day with our kid for a nice family day out. He won't go unless family members are going cause "it's too boring with me" We've been trying to work on our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 6

By Lance O - 17/06/2018 03:02

Today, at school, we did the traditional class elections, where I bravely nominated myself for class President. As our teacher tallies the ballots, I noticed that she misspelled my name. I corrected her saying "Ma'am? It's Lance A, not Lance O." she then said, "Lance O? That's your score, ZERO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 9

By Stagarm - 17/06/2018 02:28

Today, I found out my girlfriend. Just recent fiancé actually. Has been cheating on me for the past 6 months. We have been together for 4 years and got engaged 6 months ago. Not only that, but she’s pregnant and pretty sure it’s not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 2

By "Goodfella" - 17/06/2018 01:44 - Germany - Essen

Today, my crush phoned me to say, that she has a crush on me. Nice right? But she wouldn't believe me when I said I liked her too. So she hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 4

The hot goldfish

By burning_woman - 16/06/2018 21:40 - Netherlands

Today, no amount of scrubbing removed the pepper residue from my hands after cutting an extremely hot pepper. I am also part goldfish, meaning I kept forgetting about this. So far my mouth, eyes and vagina are burning excruciatingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 30

By "HandsOffMarx" - 16/06/2018 21:14 - Norway - Nodeland

Today, I decided not to let my social anxiety rule my life, and have some fun with the claw machine at the mall. I kept telling myself nobody cares what I did when a guy walked by and criticized me for wasting money on rigged games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 9

By Mama J - 16/06/2018 13:08 - Canada - Yellowknife

Today, while having a shower my toddler decided to get in too. I let him,... half way through he decided to poop in the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By irrelevant - 16/06/2018 14:43 - United States

Today, my brother and his girlfriend are having their gender Reveal Party. I just got to their house and I’ve already been told twice I should have stayed home and asked once so far why I’m here. 2 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 7

By Sonofab... - 16/06/2018 05:05

Today, I woke up full of energy, something I haven’t had in years. Then I realised the reason why I was so energetic was due to the fact that I got laid off just yesterday. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By lobotomy - 16/06/2018 04:59

Today, I went in for an interview at 6:45 AM. The interviewer arrived 2 hours later and told me to go home and “come back tomorrow.” The employees had me working to help them clean up dog diarrhea during that whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 11

By DWilliams - 16/06/2018 03:00

Today, I had an abscessed tooth. I work in fast food at the drive thru. I handed a lady her food when the abscess burst like a 400lb person sitting on a water balloon full of clam chowder and I instinctively spit it out and it landed on the door of her Porsche. I lost the tooth and my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 11

By poseidon's kiss - 16/06/2018 02:05

Today, whoever had used the toilet before me at work didn't flush, but I was desperate, so I sat down without flushing it, unfortunately the first log I dropped, then splashed someone else's cold shit filled piss water right up my poor unsuspecting rear exit. So cold and gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 00:51

Today, I thought my brother was a fool for driving his rusty beat up $600 ford cargo van 500 miles to a family camping trip I was wrong it did outstanding. It even towed my 20k Kia Sorrento all 500 miles back after the motor blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 32

By MyEarsAreBleeding - 15/06/2018 23:49

Today, my young kid came home from school with a ukulele she's been practicing on all year in music class. After an entire school year, she knows one chord, is tone deaf, and has been strumming and singing for an hour. She intends to do this every day this summer for more "practice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 10

By Dragoness11 - 15/06/2018 22:35 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I told my doctor that my new medication was giving me spasms, trembling and severe fatigue. His response was to weigh me, told me to seek counselling and sent me on my way. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1

By Carpet Pisser - 15/06/2018 22:03

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking on the wrong side of the entry door into my 20th floor hotel room. I must've tried to use the bathroom and used the wrong door. I had to pee! After frantically running down the flights of stairs, I pissed in the hallway on the 14th floor, on camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 63

By Skift - 15/06/2018 20:50

Today, I received a copy of the police report I filed last week due to someone steeling 80-70 Xanax from me. Somehow the office thought I said 7-8. Now I have to wait until next week to get a "corrected" report. I can't get a new script from my doctor until I get a "corrected" report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 5

By "Kaluhaluha" - 15/06/2018 17:13

Today is the third time I've been called racist for keeping to store policy. By the same woman. We're the same race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 2

By TiredBeth - 15/06/2018 06:22

Today, my smoke detector kept going off full blast. Called maintenance to have them tell me to just take the batteries out and they’ll be out in the morning. it’s a hardwired unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 3

By bb - 15/06/2018 02:05

Today, I realized that every time I eat good food, I have a full-on orgasm. Porn does not give me any pleasure whatsoever, but food makes me cum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 13

By punished good deed - 15/06/2018 01:23

Today, I got fired from my job as a preschool teacher and now is at the brink possible prison time. What did I do? I consoled one of my students when she had a breakdown. After she calmed down and was happy again, she thanked me by giving me a long noisy kiss on the lips. Someone saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 14

By what??? - 14/06/2018 23:59

Today, on our 4-year-anniversary, my boyfriend broke up with me for being too "unappreciative." He bought me some cheap chocolates from the Dollar Store. I'm allergic to chocolate and refused to eat them. He thinks it's because I'm picky. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 14/06/2018 20:33 - Netherlands - Nijmegen

Today, I got a call about an unpaid bill. After confronting my husband, he confessed to having a gambling addiction for over 2 years. We were about to go on vacation and literally have nothing left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

By missbuble98 - 14/06/2018 09:21 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, a stranger told me I was pretty. But that it didn't matter how pretty I was because it was a waste with the horrendous body that I have, and that I should do something about it. I've been on a diet for the past month and was happy to start seeing results. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 6

By Spizz - 14/06/2018 15:19

Today I have court for a ticket I received 1 year ago. Last night my factory had a major breakdown and I have to stay overnight to fix or I would lose my job which supports my family... can’t make it to court and could be thrown in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 5

By sad.gf - 14/06/2018 14:41

Today, while watching TV, my boyfriend lays on his back next to me while I lean down towards his face. We are laughing and talking... all of a sudden, he puts his head near me and grabs my belly thinking it was a boob. If that doesn't make you want to workout, I don't know what will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 10

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The Top

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 366

You deserved it 31 630

Today, I was about to take a drink from my cup when I saw a bug making its way along the lid. When I saw it going down into the drink, I quickly ripped off the lid to stop it. I wasn't fast enough, and watched it drown. Thanks for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 140

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 310

You deserved it 2 662

Today, I talked to my boss about the fact that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and I am having a really hard time with it. He told me to look on the bright side, now that I'm crazy I will never have to do Jury Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 127

You deserved it 4 087

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 1 353

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonald's and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 996

You deserved it 2 411