Nearly FMLs

By john - 15/05/2018 22:47

Today, I learned that just because your kids constantly praise your cooking ability up and down, doesn't mean they will actually eat the food you cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By brrbrbrbrbrbrbbrbrbrbrbrrbrbrbrbbbrbbrrb - 15/05/2018 21:51

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Today is also the day my dad decided to take up woodworking, my next door neighbors decided to have a jackhammer duel, and my other next door neighbors decided to have a bad violin contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 21:38

Today, I had a very important test. I get private lessons because I have trouble paying attention in a full classroom. The teacher accidentally gave me the wrong info to learn for the test. I ended up learning the wrong chapter and failing the test... FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 12

By Justcrying - 15/05/2018 20:56

Today, it's my birthday. My father invited his mother to eat dinner with us without asking me first. This upset me because whenever she comes over, they start arguing. My father promised me it wouldn't happen and she came over. Now I'm sitting in my room waiting for them to stop yelling. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By Samantha - 15/05/2018 19:18

Today, I said hello to the girl who sits next to me in class and she slapped me. Hard. The teacher noticed this, called the principal, and now I have to serve in school suspension for the next three days. She got off with no punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

By R2A8 - 15/05/2018 17:18

Today, it turns out when I video called my mom earlier this week, she was taking screenshots on a day where numerous pimples and scars visited my face. Not only did I find out ten days after she already posted those pictures online. But it’s on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By Inez333 - 15/05/2018 15:14

Today, I had a tooth removed. Today I also learned what it feels like to have a drill, cut a hole into your mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 7

By skinnybrunette - 15/05/2018 08:42

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years suddenly broke up with me because "my hair isn't blonde and my thighs aren't thick." This is the same guy who always told me he'd love me unconditionally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By uhh - 15/05/2018 08:11

Today, despite using two types of deodorant and showering three times a day, I still smell like cheesy broccoli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 07:30

Today, after feeling nauseous for the last couple days, I felt better and decided to get frisky with my boyfriend. I went down there, and ended up throwing up all over his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 10

By Carolyn Dee Humphrey - 15/05/2018 06:19

Today, my car broke down after being told it was fine 2 weeks ago. My mechanic informed me it's going to cost $1700 to fix it because he missed a wiring issue when he checked 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 05:04

Today, I had court and was told by a judge that in his 20 years on the bench, he has never seen anything as absurd and horrific with the chain of events that occurred in my case. Glad to know I can even wow a judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 8

By Mrswork - 15/05/2018 10:22 - Australia - Cannington

Today, my son (8 years old) is sick and slept in, which is very odd for him. I was at work already; my husband forgot my son at home and my neighbor brought him to my workplace when she saw him standing on the footpath alone, and is now threatening to report me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 13

By SmithyKins - 14/05/2018 21:59 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me she lost her virginity to another guy a week ago, and that I won her heart and love, but he owns her body and sexual desires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 6

By Jack - 15/05/2018 03:50

Today, I shattered my femur on my motorcycle, that I bought to celebrate getting accepted into a military academy, which I can no longer attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 23:57

Today, everyone in my family has gotten over salmonella except me. My mom decided to get an amazing-looking cake with tons of beautiful fruit on it. There is no occasion. I’m still throwing up everything I eat, and in this house it will be gone by tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 5

Avengers: Infinity Spoilers

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 17:33 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, after weeks of avoiding spoilers and finally getting a day off from both jobs, I went to see Infinity War. What I didn't anticipate was someone attending the screening for the 5th time to completely spoil all the major plot points just before the movie began, despite telling him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 14:32

Today, At work I got switched from a crew with people I had become friends with and enjoyed working with to a crew with a one legged mute man, and a 400 pound man who shows up to work smelling like death and masturbation and leaves smelling worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By Terri - 14/05/2018 08:38 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Today, someone stole all my stuff from my house.... which was badly damaged in a gas explosion a month before. The local council told us everything left behind would be safe. I can't even replace it because I was made redundant two weeks after the blast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By fairweather parents - 14/05/2018 06:47

Today, I messaged my parents that my doctor is worried a large mass on my leg may be cancer. All the care they could muster up was a text saying "let us know how it goes". They haven't contacted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 4

By WellThatSucks - 13/05/2018 22:10 - Canada - Ponoka

Today, one of our regular customers came in. I found out that if I say "Hello, sir!" too quickly, it sounds like "Hey, loser!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 9

By Mommee - 14/05/2018 01:25

Today, I sent my children into a store with some money so they could each pick me out a gift for mother's day. They came back out with gifts for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 34

By Forever alone - 13/05/2018 16:01 - United States - Sicklerville

Today, my boyfriend broke both my wrists, stole all my cookies, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 8

By Burnt_Crisp - 13/05/2018 21:59

Today, I had to call in from work due to severe sunburns over my head and collarbone. After my first full shift. After spending 3 month jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 13/05/2018 20:11

Today on mother's day I was forced to get out of bed with a fucked knee, go to my mother-in-laws house, where my husband got sick and I had to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 3

By FailingAtThisRate - 13/05/2018 16:52

Today, I am trying to read and study for my university exams, which start in ten days. Today is also the day when my mother decided to play the anti-communist songs and terrible music at maximum volume. I cannot make her turn it down and have nowhere to go to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 3

By Disappointed Gf - 13/05/2018 04:35

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend laughing and saying he was so drunk he pissed in my bed, and him coming back and cuddling with me. I replied, “very funny,” and went back to sleep. When I woke up later he explained he wasn’t joking. I had to clean adult piss after bringing him to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 14

Nice Try.

By Anonymous - 12/05/2018 15:00

Today, my husband suggested that I spend my three weeks of summer vacation alone with our four children, so that he can spend his going birdwatching by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 815

You deserved it 340

By Meg - 12/05/2018 11:45

Today, I went to look at a glider chair a lady was selling. I sat in it and decided it was the most uncomfortable chair ever. I was about to tell the lady no thanks when my kid puked all over her rug, twice. And then all over me, on the chair. So I bought an uncomfortable vomit chair out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 27

By TiredParent - 12/05/2018 05:13

Today, after a week of being on night duty for our 8 month old, it is finally my husband's turn. The baby kept screaming for 'Moma', and wouldn't stop until I held him. Looks like I don't sleep another week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 484

You deserved it 2 404

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 566

You deserved it 23 217

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 846

You deserved it 2 626

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 8 069

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 795

You deserved it 34 563

Today, I was diagnosed with female arousal disorder, due to a disability of mine causing low testosterone levels. I've never been able to achieve an orgasm due to this. My doctor said I should just deal with it, because the remedy would make me masculine and I'm a "beautiful woman." I don't even care anymore, just let me come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 180