Nearly FMLs

By Pancake Slap - 21/05/2018 06:33

Today, my dog pooped in the house while he was alone. My girlfriend told me I have to get rid of him. Her dog poops in the house when we're home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 7

By Moose - 21/05/2018 01:51

Today, after I got off work at a doggy daycare, I decided to switch to my nice shoes (that didn't have poop on them) and go to the store, while walking through Walmart I realized I stepped in something, dog poop. In the middle of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 8

By sadworker - 20/05/2018 12:41 - United States - Memphis

Today, It was a coworker’s birthday. We have a group chat with all the workers and everyone wished him a happy birthday, just as they do with all the other coworkers on their birthdays. My birthday was last week and no one said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 6

By Mable - 20/05/2018 17:56

Today, I was playing with my dog at the park when another dog showed up. Since we were up on a hill and they were at the bottom, I thought it safe to just put her leash on and walk away. My dog had a different idea. She charged down the hill causing me to tumble over and flash everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 17:23

Today my mom admitted there is not a black widow infestation in my room and she never booked an exterminator, it was all a prank. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa and washing and reusing the same panties and bra for 4 days. And she wonders why I want to get my own house FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 8

By sillymama - 19/05/2018 08:06

Today my son graduated from high school. When it was his turn to get his diploma, I took a video on my phone. A 50ish, fat man decided it was time to stand up and he completely blocked the view. When he finally moved to sit back down, my son was off the stage and walking back to his seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 02:41

Today, I finally got the internship of my dreams at one of five court riding schools worldwide. The first person I told was my dad as he was the one encouraging me to try it. Suddenly he said that he is not willing to support me financially as he promised. Why? I told him I will not get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 10

By Omg - 19/05/2018 00:48

Today I was helping guide a 4th grade school group around campus, as part of my job. We were walking by a busy street. A woman suddenly blurts out “Now if you wanna commit suicide, I’m not gonna stop you.” The woman who uttered this was the child’s teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By Blahblahblacksheep - 18/05/2018 23:48

Today, my mom informed me that she and my sister have a holiday to Dubai coming up. They have planned right down to who will drop and pick them up from the airport. No, I was not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By bress - 18/05/2018 22:48

Today, my boss made a huge show of working through food poisoning, having vomited at his desk several times, and yelled at me for calling in with the flu last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By schall - 18/05/2018 22:44

Today, I tried to stop waking up at noon by setting alarms at 8, 9, 10, and 11 AM. I slept through all of them and woke up at my usual noon to my mom screaming in my face about how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 18/05/2018 21:46

Today, my rat has come down with what seems like a respiratory infection. My parents refuse to allow me to use the money I got from a job to take him to the vet to get medicine. Because of this if I don't find some way to treat him, he will die which will cause my other rat to become depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 14

By imissfood - 18/05/2018 20:54

Today, my digestive problems have gotten so bad that I remain full hours after just drinking water. Doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me other than my dangerously low body weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 4

By Littlebithurt - 18/05/2018 19:44

Today, the guy I had been seeing told me he did not want to see me anymore. This would have been bad enough, but he had to do it just after having sex with me. While cleaning up the condom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By AuntFanny - 18/05/2018 00:33 - United States - Hemet

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some well deserved sex since he is away at work most of the time. Everything was going great until I let a fart out. We still finished though. Now he can't stop reminding me of the face I made when I let it slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 20

By Emily - 18/05/2018 02:47

Today, I rented a U-Haul to move into my new apartment. Prior to that, I went to a Chinese buffet, and my stomachs, not used to greasy food. I shat myself and got my period at the same time, in the rental truck. Long story short, I had to pay a cleaning fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 25

By Nat - 17/05/2018 16:27 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I was pumping breast milk for my infant and a fucking earwig somehow crawled out of the goddamn breast pump tubing. Not only did it sting me painfully on the nipple, it splashed around in the milk and I had to throw away two whole ounces and sterilize everything before I could pump again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 8

By Justjess - 17/05/2018 15:14 - United States - Sheboygan

Today, my husband of 3 years announced I have 3 options. To allow him to do whatever and whoever he wanted with no repercussions, to get a nasty divorce where he takes everything, or a simple divorce. I've been with him several years and moved out of state from family to be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

By Notallthat - 17/05/2018 14:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend told me that high waisted jeans look disgusting on women. They are the only style I wear, and he’s admitted to lying every time I wear them saying that I look nice for the past year and a half of our relationship. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 16/05/2018 20:23

Today, I learned that even though my wife is already pregnant, I still have to wear condoms or pull out. The pregnancy has made her become allergic to my semen, and it may or may not resolve itself once the baby is here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Murphy - 16/05/2018 20:22

Today, less than a week after transferring stores so that I could finally get off overnight and have normal sleeping hours, the position I transferred to is being eliminated company wide. The only options I was going back to overnight or a position with a shift that starts at 5 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 16/05/2018 19:00

Today, I checked the comments on the YouTube channel I started a few days ago. Almost all of them were insults about my appearance. The main reason I started the channel in the first place was to be more comfortable with how I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 991

You deserved it 833

By Poopgirl - 16/05/2018 17:49

Today, I was in the bathroom so long at work that the lights turned off before I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 16/05/2018 15:17 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, working as a part timer in Zara, some colleagues and customers complained about a disgusting smell. When we all started to look for the source, found a customer took a dump in the fitting room and smeared it on the walls and mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 2

By Michelle - 16/05/2018 07:30

Today, I had to catch a taxi to deliver some work documents. Just as I was getting into the taxi my dress got caught on the door and ripped, exposing my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 16/05/2018 07:13

Today, I was told that my classmates got a hold of my journal and now the entire school (including my boyfriend) know who I like (and that I’m in the closet). FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 23:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend didn't understand that the inside of a vagina and lotion don't mix well. Guess what he used as lube for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 16/05/2018 03:07

Today, I was so tired from working 12 hours and being sick that when a cute guy complimented me, all I did was look around and say, "Who, me?" And people wonder why I'm single... FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 16

By DeceivedPanda - 15/05/2018 19:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I discovered that my favorite restaurant I’ve been getting lunch from every day for the past month has been overcharging me by 10 dollars for every transaction. They refused to give my money back and afterwards changed the prices on the menus so it was 10 dollars more expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 30

By Shadow - 16/05/2018 00:14

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my best friend's cousin's child. This wouldn't be that bad if she didn't hate him, and if he hadn't moved states a couple days ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 74

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The Top

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I'd never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. Without thinking, I said, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 162

You deserved it 67 179

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 148

You deserved it 4 826

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 646

You deserved it 11 488

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 030

You deserved it 4 404

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 367

You deserved it 3 459

Today, while at the movies, I started making my way to the end of the row so I could pee. Others moved to make room except for a man at the end. As I tried to climb over him, I tripped and fell on top of him. When I told him I was sorry, he just smiled and said, "Mmm, don't be. I enjoyed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 108

You deserved it 800