Nearly FMLs

By Utsc - 14/06/2018 12:42

Today, I was near the front of the line, waiting for a bus. I had my hands in the jean pockets. Further down the line, I noticed a fellow female student periodically and happily gazing at me. Then I felt the draft and realized the hand pressure inadvertently opened my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 12

By crushed - 14/06/2018 11:18

Today, I was playing this game with my crush and my mic was on. Then my dad did this really big fart and my crush heard it and said "oh my lord". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 11

By Wifetobe - 14/06/2018 03:39 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancé’s wedding ring arrived. He’d been vague about where it has been from, just saying “overseas”. I recognised the packaging. It’s from Ali Express. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 13

By should I call the police or animal control? - 14/06/2018 03:55

Today, our house was broken into by 2 burglars. Their plans were thwarted when our giant Burmese Python rose up, stared at them in the eye and started hissing loudly. We don't have a Burmese Python. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 7

By Car-less - 13/06/2018 19:22

Today, my husband hit a pothole while driving my car, and it's now totalled. He was picking up his new Mercedes. I'm not allowed to drive it, and any money we went towards his vehicle. Insurance won't give much. I guess I'm walking and taking public transportation, while he drives in luxury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 11

By Mailman - 13/06/2018 18:30

Today, I am taking a test to get my dream job as a career in the postal service. Also today, the postmaster is taking a week in Belize and they just didn't think to cancel the tests during his vacation. The website will not let me reschedule or reapply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 13/06/2018 15:13

Today, the insult "your girlfriend has a bigger dick than you" turn out to be true. I am ok with this being pansexual I just wish I had a little more notice and, maybe some lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 31

By suchaheadache - 13/06/2018 14:45

Today, after I was declared “in remission” from chronic migraines with stroke-like symptoms, the excitement of remission gave me a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 13/06/2018 13:16

Today, I showed up for my exam, only to realise it was for a different University course. My exam was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 62

By "BlackandBorninSheffield" - 13/06/2018 00:57 - United States - West Columbia

Today, I can no longer sleep because I can clearly hear my parents having loud sex through my paper-thin walls. It scarred me mentally every time and I still have to go through 3 more years of this before I can move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 13/06/2018 06:30

Today, I was itching my thigh very aggressively today... long story short my grandma doesn't know how to knock and thinks she caught me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By Reeree24 - 13/06/2018 06:02

Today, I had surgery that resulted in more damage than good. They damaged my nerves and paralyzed my right arm for anywhere from 6 months to possibly permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 8

By "Chelsea Hoffmeister" - 13/06/2018 05:18

Today, while out, my kids decided to take the pillows off my bed and watch a movie on my floor. They also let the puppy run around. They failed to shut my door when they were done. At bedtime, I discover all my pillows soaked in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 9

By "INDYSTRUCTABLE" - 13/06/2018 04:26

Today, I received a call from my daughter's school. Apparently the local high school was smuggling edibles into the middle school, and my daughter was flipping them to make a profit off her 'friends'.... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 6

By Just like flip flops - 13/06/2018 03:56

Today, I wore flip flops to school for the first time. All my friends congratulated me for coming out. When I asked why they thought I was gay, they said that “only gay guys wear flip flops”. I’m not gay. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 13

By "LydiaBlack42" - 12/06/2018 20:03 - United States - Stoughton

Today, I lost my glasses in a spillway, as I was trying to save a turtle. I have no insurance to get a new pair, no money, no job and I need them to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 17

By "indienerdgirl" - 13/06/2018 02:10

Today, my little brother brought his dog over for me to babysit for the night. Which is fine, but he forgot to mention she still isn't house trained. So on my way to bed, I step in fresh dog crap in the dark. Let's just say my toes have never felt so violated before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 13/06/2018 01:45

Today, I fooled around with someone for the first time since I got out of a four year long abusive relationship, whom I also lost my virginity to, as he was fingering me I started my period two weeks early all over his hand and the bed. I’m on birth control. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 13/06/2018 00:11

Today, I got a message from my roommate saying that he was getting busy with his girl an wanted some privacy, I decided to go to a friend's house instead of listening to her obviously fake sounds of passion, guess who was getting busy with his girl as well, being single is great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By F off - 12/06/2018 23:20

Today, while masturbating, my dad came into my room. My response was to hide my phone In my rolls of fat. I seriously need to hit the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 52

By woman - 12/06/2018 20:17

Today, my teacher told my mostly male class that they can have whatever career they want when they grow up. Then he pointed at me and said "Except you. You belong in the kitchen, making sandwiches." FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 8

By shirtcrazy - 12/06/2018 19:57

Today, I excitedly showed my mom, my cute new T-shirt. She sighed and said "Why can't you get excited for shoes like a normal woman?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By nope - 12/06/2018 18:31

Today, I am working as a stagehand. This is the second time this week that I have fainted backstage because food isn't allowed. And yes, I do eat beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 9

By maroon - 12/06/2018 18:29

Today, I went out to eat with my parents. While I was giving my order, my dad interrupted me and said "She'll have the soup." I hate soup. They do this every time we go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 6

By yunarukami - 12/06/2018 18:20

Today, I am staying in the guest room at my parents' house. Every so often, my mom suddenly barges into my room to get clothes or books. Every time she does, my heart stops. She yells at me when I act startled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 3

By Can't...UNSEE - 12/06/2018 08:48 - United States - Washington

Today, at work replacing company laptops under warranty, I started copying a user's files from the old laptop to the new one... and discovered a ten-second video file I had to review for security reasons. I found myself watching a nude woman using her bag to sink the 8-ball. I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

By numbat97 - 12/06/2018 10:45

Today, I flipped the bird at a fly that has been hanging around my window all day trying to get out. Then I realised someone was walking past on the footpath outside. He saw me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 20

By anonymous - 12/06/2018 02:15 - United States

Today my college roommate (and close friend) told me she was pulling out of our housing contract for next year 20 days before the final deadline. Now I get to live with a complete stranger, and she gets to live with her boyfriend of 11 days (who she cheated on her old boyfriend with). FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By Anon - 12/06/2018 05:21

Today, the girl that I’ve been dating for two years suddenly moved away, blocked my number, and blocked me on all social media. Things were going good and I am clueless as to what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 02:28

Today, I realized my girlfriend is more attracted to my mother than she is to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

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The Top

Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 107

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 7 726

Today, I helped two people find the central station on my way home. As a thank you, they mugged me and stole my wallet and iPod Touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 040

You deserved it 4 150

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 4 300

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 571

You deserved it 17 226

Today, my wife tried to join me in the shower to be sexy, only I was shampooing so when I turned round and felt someone in the shower with me, I panicked and we both fell and got stuck in the bottom of the bath. Our kids had to come and help, because my wife had a broken arm and we couldn’t move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 199