Nearly FMLs

By squatie - 25/05/2018 02:14

Today, I learned that you should never squat down to pick something up when you're holding in a BM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 24

By Jorge24 - 25/05/2018 01:23

Today, I went through a job interview that involved me dressing up as a woman and painting my face and deliver a catwalk in front of all the other auditions. The job is to entertain kids at birthday parties. I'm unemployed and in 1 month I only got a call from this job and I don't like kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 15

Life Sucks

By Zeta89 - 24/05/2018 18:46 - United States - Galloway

Today, I went back to work after having wrist surgery a week ago. I got through my day with no problems and I get a call from my employer stating I'm being let go because they are overstaffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 6

By FallenAsleep - 24/05/2018 16:20

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep mid-foreplay after complaining all day about how little sex we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 10

By Geewiz - 24/05/2018 08:28 - United States - Atlanta

Today, at work apparently I ripped my pants from the seam between my legs all the way up to my back pocket. No one told me the whole day. I work with a bunch of mechanics and it wasn't until a female from another department stopped me on my way out of work to tell me she could see my entire butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 8

By The Crappy Genie - 24/05/2018 06:18

Today, my father drove his boat an 1.5 hrs in the water to a Marina for an inspection. When he went back to pick it up they put it in the water and it began to sink. There were 40 plus holes in the hull and they tried to claim the holes where there when he brought it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

By Richard - 24/05/2018 03:17

Today, I took my first driving test to get my license. About five minutes in, the car broke down. Needless to say, no license for me.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Jay - 24/05/2018 03:05

Today, my insomnia reached a new level after an overnight sleep study confirmed I did not enter R.E.M. sleep once over a twelve hour period. I just wake up before I do, and go back to sleep. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

By "KOCO Corquette" - 23/05/2018 18:54

Today I was at a café, holding my cell phone in one hand and an empty coffee cup in another. I walked to the trash can and promptly dropped my cell phone into it. The helper was laughing straight for 5 min while removing my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 70

By melinia - 23/05/2018 17:14

Today, I found out that, unless I can get a vagina enlargement, my boyfriend and I won't be able to have sex. I didn't know I could get cockblocked by my own vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 12

By fudge - 23/05/2018 13:45

Today, I woke up on the bathroom floor massively hungover. Last night I went out to celebrate two years sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 98

By MissMollyMoo - 23/05/2018 02:11 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I stayed at a hotel on the way back from a trip. After a 16 hour day of airports I was excited to pass out in a comfy bed. Unfortunately, sleep was scarce since the occupants on either side of my room were apparently having a competition to see who could have sex the loudest... all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 3

By mima - 23/05/2018 04:14

Today, my roommate informed me that I farted in my sleep. 57 times, to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By mcdgaf - 23/05/2018 01:25

Today, I handed my boss my resignation letter that told him my end date would be three weeks from now. My office manager yelled at me for ruining her weekend plans, then told me she wouldn't have hired me if she knew I would be moving for my husband's job. my husband is military. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 3

By "Rosalyn Millar" - 22/05/2018 20:30

Today, my paranoid father used the last of my expensive fluoride free toothpaste (I have allergies) because the normal toothpaste is "poisoning our minds". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 22/05/2018 12:53 - United States

Today, I was late to my first day of my job. ironically, he was late as well. But, apparently managers can be late and I can't. I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 81

By manofmerr - 22/05/2018 11:56 - United States - Hackensack

Today, after a lovely walk, I returned home to find not 1, not 5, but 52 ticks on me. It might not be so bad if I had gotten all of them, but apparently I had more than that, and now my dog is the only one safe from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 11

By Jman - 22/05/2018 10:22 - United States - Austin

Today, After 3 weeks of issues me and the IT guy have finally come to an agreement on what's wrong with my work computer. It's a ghost.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 22/05/2018 15:23 - South Africa - Secunda

Today, my teacher sarcastically said that if you're a kindergartner you should stand up and leave. I only heard "stand up" and did so. I guess it's obvious what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 41

By I feel gross - 22/05/2018 13:18

Today, my flatmate took too long in the shower and as a result of my weak bladder I was left with nowhere to pee except my room. I didn’t have anything to pee into so figured peeing into some dirty bedding would stop it from getting in the carpet. It didn’t and I literally just peed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 79

Gastroentestinal

By guin - 22/05/2018 13:17 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I learnt that having several gastric surgeries and thereby occasional anal leakage problems, plus having allergies and sneezing every 5 minutes is a bad way to keep your underwear clean. I have my work pack filled with half stinky and half keep ones right now with 5 hours left of my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

By WowOk - 22/05/2018 12:58

Today, my 28 year old Moroccan boyfriend told me his family arranged a marriage for him to a girl he barely knows. He told me it's too late to back out now, so I should either accept it and wait until they have kids & then file for divorce or that I become his second wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 14

By "azouwa" - 22/05/2018 12:33

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years took some benadryl, then informed me that I'm his "favorite," before passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

By Not Garry - 22/05/2018 10:07 - Ireland

Today, was my graduation. As I was receiving my certificate the principal addressed me as Garry. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By Ded - 21/05/2018 23:52 - United States - Harriman

Today, I was going to the mall, got hit by a car, and flew through the front glass window of a Macy's. I had to pay for the broken window and the guy drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

By TP Girl - 22/05/2018 03:40

Today, my dorm roommate left two sheets of toilet paper on the roll and there were no replacement rolls left. She refused to walk down the hall to get more because "she's doing homework". Thank god I graduate in three weeks. I might strangle her if it were longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 7

By frodo and the bigg'uns - 22/05/2018 00:58

Today, my dad is 6"8, my mom is 6"5, my younger sister is 6"4 and my older brother is a whopping 6"11 and built like a bull on steroids. Yet here I stand, at 19 years old, realising that I never grow any taller than my measly 5"5 and will probably never get over my childhood asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By Father Time - 22/05/2018 00:27

Today, I set an online alarm clock. I was awoken by my boss's phone call: the internet had cut out. I was late for the only time in my career. Too bad that same morning was also the only time I was supposed to be in a quarter guard for none other than the Commander of the Canadian Army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 26

By Anonymous - 21/05/2018 10:30

Today, I came out to my grandparents as bisexual. They told me "You're too young to know your sexuality" and "You'll change your mind." I'm 21. They still won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 16

By Kyrenora - 21/05/2018 01:20 - United States - Maynard

Today, I finally started to recover from the weeks of excruciating pain caused by a sudden development of Celiac at the age of 30. Then my period started. I can’t take Midol because it might aggravate the ulcers. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 4

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 762

You deserved it 56 797

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 724

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 359

You deserved it 24 752

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 219

You deserved it 2 469

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 174

Today, I was diagnosed with a self-destructive personality among other things. I saw everything from my past instantly, like photographic memory recall. It was utterly terrifying, from extreme childhood drug-induced trauma that continues to this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 143