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Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

#19225607
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16269) - you deserved it (5945)

On 03/06/2012 at 2:20am - misc - by BlueBirdWings (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

#6994925
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16265) - you deserved it (52248)

On 12/28/2009 at 3:41pm - love - by lovehurts (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

#19703850
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16264) - you deserved it (4363)

On 05/30/2012 at 10:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

#13220186
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16262) - you deserved it (26173)

On 09/27/2010 at 7:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

#20635309
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16259) - you deserved it (36464)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16255) - you deserved it (56538)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16253) - you deserved it (40449)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16251) - you deserved it (61344)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

#15515343
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16250) - you deserved it (52800)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

#19325916
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16237) - you deserved it (9077)

On 03/22/2012 at 10:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

#20541999
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16237) - you deserved it (40866)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:14pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

#4678208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16236) - you deserved it (44190)

On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

#14998091
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16227) - you deserved it (38352)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:55am - misc - by Jade -



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