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Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

#7606758
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9344) - you deserved it (23623)

On 01/27/2010 at 2:35am - intimacy - by DuChaillu (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML

#14770555
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (54554)

On 01/30/2011 at 4:24am - misc - by terrible kenny - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

#19992100
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9330) - you deserved it (23037)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:59am - misc - by fmlgrl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

#19488517
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9327) - you deserved it (17889)

On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

#6748353
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9327) - you deserved it (24369)

On 12/14/2009 at 2:49am - health - by WIIslave (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

#19763954
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9323) - you deserved it (32087)

On 06/10/2012 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

#18648133
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9322) - you deserved it (37846)

On 12/29/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - China

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

#5584861
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9316) - you deserved it (35199)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by baseball25635 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

#19977285
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9315) - you deserved it (62537)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by henley -

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9310) - you deserved it (61213)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

#7415658
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9300) - you deserved it (58743)

On 01/18/2010 at 6:01am - misc - by Adrian16 (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

#20037487
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9300) - you deserved it (25114)

On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

#13380942
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9299) - you deserved it (36838)

On 10/09/2010 at 5:27pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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