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Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

#7150726
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8747) - you deserved it (18584)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by bandcamp926 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

#20407423
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8747) - you deserved it (58578)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML

#13534312
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8745) - you deserved it (33036)

On 10/21/2010 at 4:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

#20196663
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8745) - you deserved it (27868)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

#6848786
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8739) - you deserved it (47547)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8735) - you deserved it (50295)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

#3471774
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8731) - you deserved it (41287)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:54am - love - by mrdave (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

#10516903
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8730) - you deserved it (29486)

On 05/13/2010 at 10:11pm - misc - by BigMouth McRedface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML

#14206849
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8730) - you deserved it (28490)

On 12/14/2010 at 9:18pm - work - by crazygirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

#5504838
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8719) - you deserved it (45877)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by absentmindedmoron (man) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

#6645209
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8719) - you deserved it (41501)

On 12/07/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by smart phone mms - United States

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

#3549560
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8718) - you deserved it (71287)

On 07/07/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)



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