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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

#10699
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6282) - you deserved it (29176)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:56pm - misc - by Foot In Mouth (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I fell in love with a girl on the internet, she's great and funny. She says she's 16, but everyone keeps telling me she's only 11 and that I'm a pedophile. FML

#781
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6280) - you deserved it (31920)

On 01/07/2009 at 3:17pm - love - by Sidney - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

#14705471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6278) - you deserved it (47482)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by nmaidkieavg -

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

#13760701
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6277) - you deserved it (26681)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:07am - animals - by yay! - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought $300 worth of climbing equipment because I had lost mine six months ago, I hadn't gone to the climbing gym since I'd lost it. I went today because I was so excited to go climbing again. However, it turns out that I'd left my gear there, and it had been in the Lost and Found for the past six months. FML

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

#6337523
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6272) - you deserved it (39742)

On 11/17/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by JakeHolmes (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

#20185753
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6266) - you deserved it (15413)

On 11/30/2012 at 7:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

#20044345
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6264) - you deserved it (29321)

On 08/27/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by dgilbs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

#1148
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6262) - you deserved it (29776)

On 01/14/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Holymoly - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

#19640630
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6261) - you deserved it (47781)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:41am - health - by TLJ321 -

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6259) - you deserved it (87259)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

#19495086
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6259) - you deserved it (19886)

On 04/19/2012 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)



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