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Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

#17243352
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10787) - you deserved it (32736)

On 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm - misc - by cadillacfrank - United States

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10784) - you deserved it (74201)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

#11861261
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10785) - you deserved it (37344)

On 07/13/2010 at 10:10pm - work - by magnolia (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

#13835168
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10781) - you deserved it (25131)

On 11/14/2010 at 12:33am - misc - by lovemyteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

#13338032
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10778) - you deserved it (51299)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:37am - love - by crucets (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

#15635738
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10777) - you deserved it (39750)

On 04/04/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Username - United States (Kansas)

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

#14526378
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10771) - you deserved it (28620)

On 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

#11310878
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10770) - you deserved it (31667)

On 06/19/2010 at 12:27pm - animals - by kasai_x0x (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

#1881658
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10765) - you deserved it (54496)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

#8716792
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10765) - you deserved it (20745)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by maddy - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

#6445048
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10760) - you deserved it (28068)

On 11/25/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by Drim (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML

#8756246
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10759) - you deserved it (22882)

On 03/01/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by whywilson.. (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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