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Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

#14474591
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12695) - you deserved it (19126)

On 01/05/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12692) - you deserved it (34335)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12688) - you deserved it (119713)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

#1615706
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12688) - you deserved it (57274)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by CriminalMistake (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12686) - you deserved it (50408)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML

#12797830
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12686) - you deserved it (26332)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:54am - animals - by Hobbsie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

#18042854
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12684) - you deserved it (48804)

On 10/22/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

#19905644
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12678) - you deserved it (27159)

On 07/07/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by Ali - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

#52319
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12676) - you deserved it (74517)

On 02/16/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by jwz (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

#14882987
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12664) - you deserved it (29416)

On 02/07/2011 at 2:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

#2298945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12657) - you deserved it (47620)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

#13493861
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12652) - you deserved it (23914)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:39am - work - by andibartle - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

#18760166
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12652) - you deserved it (19610)

On 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm - misc - by annoying (woman) - United States



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