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Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

#6105149
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (4822)

On 11/01/2009 at 5:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

#18972343
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20065) - you deserved it (8793)

On 02/01/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by pmony - United States (New York)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20065) - you deserved it (40679)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

#18199894
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20063) - you deserved it (3188)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:57am - misc - by LukeyBoy - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

#892613
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20061) - you deserved it (80202)

On 04/09/2009 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

#20117718
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20058) - you deserved it (2065)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

#19797072
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20055) - you deserved it (4656)

On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

#1104
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20044) - you deserved it (1764)

On 01/14/2009 at 9:26am - love - by beekie9 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20041) - you deserved it (22143)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20040) - you deserved it (4591)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

#1453459
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20034) - you deserved it (47274)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

#19742103
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20031) - you deserved it (3808)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:00am - work - by Jonas - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML

#20009467
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20029) - you deserved it (2479)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:00pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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