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Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

#21484577
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24898) - you deserved it (2422)

On 10/26/2015 at 11:50am - misc - by DopeDickDover - United States

Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML

#21058908
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24896) - you deserved it (52628)

On 02/13/2014 at 7:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

#12924795
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (3143)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:01pm - work - by christiner - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

#21479542
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24895) - you deserved it (1669)

On 10/13/2015 at 12:55pm - health - by Shibs - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML

#1555
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24891) - you deserved it (3274)

On 01/18/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by SSH - United States (Florida)

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24890) - you deserved it (2846)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

#19751282
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24890) - you deserved it (2380)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Rohirus (man) - Sweden

Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML

#20086342
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24889) - you deserved it (3781)

On 09/24/2012 at 6:48am - work - by NoMoney4Me (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24888) - you deserved it (3248)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I admitted to my parents that I have an eating disorder. Instead of trying to help, my mom stared at me and said, "Duh". FML

#19695634
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24887) - you deserved it (4193)

On 05/28/2012 at 9:38pm - misc - by Hungrey - United States

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

#19841919
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24886) - you deserved it (5824)

On 06/24/2012 at 11:03pm - love - by Richard (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

#19244225
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24884) - you deserved it (7174)

On 03/09/2012 at 5:10am - misc - by stupidprankster - United States

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

#8509840
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24882) - you deserved it (7369)

On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version



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