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Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15931) - you deserved it (58343)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

#12946096
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15930) - you deserved it (20193)

On 09/07/2010 at 6:18am - intimacy - by neckcrack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

#14990533
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15928) - you deserved it (22991)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:03pm - animals - by AliRocks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15918) - you deserved it (238344)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

#20132703
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15913) - you deserved it (2031)

On 10/25/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by not even a sexy bushfire - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

#3692472
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15901) - you deserved it (59422)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by Zitty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

#19890281
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15901) - you deserved it (29426)

On 07/04/2012 at 10:45am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15901) - you deserved it (32049)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

#15162560
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15897) - you deserved it (56217)

On 03/01/2011 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15895) - you deserved it (6681)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15894) - you deserved it (56401)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while shopping in the baby department at a local department store, a woman approached me asking when I was due. I told her that I was due in 4 months. I lied. I'm not pregnant. FML

#14945395
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15891) - you deserved it (24767)

On 02/12/2011 at 2:50am - misc - by Liar Liar - United States

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

#20052248
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15883) - you deserved it (3095)

On 09/01/2012 at 9:58am - misc - by Chucho - United States (Massachusetts)



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