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Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

#19532255
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23097) - you deserved it (2254)

On 04/26/2012 at 1:29pm - health - by crazyk2468 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

#8492061
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23096) - you deserved it (4595)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by makeuuuuup (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

#13270090
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23095) - you deserved it (2673)

On 09/30/2010 at 10:54pm - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

#20183521
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23097) - you deserved it (3095)

On 11/29/2012 at 12:40am - kids - by fabs1171 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

#8448273
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23094) - you deserved it (3607)

On 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm - health - by lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

#21430988
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23091) - you deserved it (3440)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:16am - love - by imblue42 - United States

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

#21440556
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23091) - you deserved it (2431)

On 07/12/2015 at 3:56pm - love - by sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States (Texas)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23089) - you deserved it (29133)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

#17966931
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23087) - you deserved it (3367)

On 10/12/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by octoberrain - United States

Today, while at a store, my stuttering problem became so bad the poor store clerk had to supply my own words for me. FML

#19397276
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23087) - you deserved it (1854)

On 04/02/2012 at 8:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

#10913904
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23085) - you deserved it (3925)

On 06/01/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by chiclet - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

#19102650
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23083) - you deserved it (5491)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

#19508765
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23083) - you deserved it (4110)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States



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