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Today, I got my paycheck. I was really excited since I've been broke for the last two weeks. On my way home, I got pulled over and got a ticket for expired tags. The $90 for new tags plus $135 for the citation will leave me with enough to buy a burger. FML

#16645902
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19631) - you deserved it (26232)

On 06/13/2011 at 3:06pm - money - by fuckcops (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

#19520181
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (5093)

On 04/24/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

#6546793
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19624) - you deserved it (14912)

On 12/01/2009 at 2:05am - health - by ihatecats - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

#17646578
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19623) - you deserved it (4446)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:53pm - work - by whattalife (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19623) - you deserved it (4021)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

#218369
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19616) - you deserved it (58637)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by cane - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19618) - you deserved it (1789)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19615) - you deserved it (2879)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19613) - you deserved it (51269)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19613) - you deserved it (110277)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19610) - you deserved it (4958)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

#19250645
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19611) - you deserved it (3652)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:16am - love - by callen5 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

#4677149
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19606) - you deserved it (40738)

On 08/20/2009 at 7:02am - misc - by anon9876542 - Australia (New South Wales)



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