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Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17226) - you deserved it (68180)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

#18888534
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17220) - you deserved it (6557)

On 01/23/2012 at 6:27am - health - by Dutchee - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17213) - you deserved it (44301)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

#16825145
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17212) - you deserved it (31974)

On 06/23/2011 at 11:01pm - health - by Ali (New York) - United States (New York)

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

#20066095
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17208) - you deserved it (3405)

On 09/10/2012 at 8:48am - misc - by liquidknight - United States

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

#2272
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17206) - you deserved it (6582)

On 01/23/2009 at 1:41am - love - by twat - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

#8452983
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17205) - you deserved it (4847)

On 02/19/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by ouch - United States

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

#1800001
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17193) - you deserved it (47465)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by torchy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

#19651744
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17190) - you deserved it (5673)

On 05/20/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by taob (woman) - China (Guangxi)

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

#19938478
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17191) - you deserved it (1962)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:22pm - misc - by arghgffhdfg (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

#2792328
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17187) - you deserved it (48994)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by silly_billy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17185) - you deserved it (29507)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17184) - you deserved it (68473)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States



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