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Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17104) - you deserved it (50290)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML

#20175635
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17102) - you deserved it (2788)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

#20446658
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17099) - you deserved it (46419)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

#7565920
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17098) - you deserved it (2180)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - intimacy - by emergency (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

#20102528
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17097) - you deserved it (10911)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

#982369
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17091) - you deserved it (52989)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

#20048023
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17091) - you deserved it (1519)

On 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm - work - by Pooping - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as I often do, I had a shag in my old car. I am 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we are still living at our parents' house. FML

#390
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17090) - you deserved it (11252)

On 11/25/2008 at 11:26pm - misc - by niii - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the bad-ass Spider Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

#20173388
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17087) - you deserved it (3761)

On 11/22/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by zzz - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17074) - you deserved it (10614)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

#1315
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17071) - you deserved it (2659)

On 01/16/2009 at 2:27am - work - by hapless - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

#20430472
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17072) - you deserved it (32657)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

#20875582
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17069) - you deserved it (86145)

On 09/10/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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