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Saturday 30 August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20736) - you deserved it (1806)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (1140)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

#21247836
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18847) - you deserved it (4979)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17368) - you deserved it (36815)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16369) - you deserved it (2024)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16316) - you deserved it (940)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16076) - you deserved it (34172)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15962) - you deserved it (6244)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8869) - you deserved it (941)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a job. My parents have decided it's now a better idea to take money from my paycheck instead of grounding me. FML

#21247996
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8108) - you deserved it (1234)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:21pm - money - by employed - United States (Arizona)

Today, I almost got lucky with the girl from my course, We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and proceeding to move downwards with my tongue. Whilst moaning my name she decides to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

#21248283
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5451) - you deserved it (500)

On 08/30/2014 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4505) - you deserved it (975)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)



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