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Friday 6 May 2016

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Today, I found out that if I take back my expensive headphones that my daughter constantly borrows, she will play porn on max volume, whether or not I have guests over. FML

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud weezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

by just-a-fat-cat / 05/02/2016 at 11:25pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, we were doing research on contraceptives in class. Afterwards, the girl next to me starts explaining how "cringey" and "grossed out" she gets when she sees/hears "the words for the private parts." She then tells me all about her getting her period that morning in explicit detail. FML

by howdoesthatmakesense / 05/02/2016 at 4:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned from a week long vacation in Aruba. After 10 hours of travel and 3 flights, I was walking to my car at the airport, excited to finally get home, only to realize I left my car keys, apartment keys, and work keys at the resort. FML

by kaleemuller / 05/03/2016 at 11:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

by Sara / 05/03/2016 at 12:52pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

by insurgent / 05/03/2016 at 4:31am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Love

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

by blondessdoll / 05/04/2016 at 1:30pm / United States / Health

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

by TordNorski / 05/04/2016 at 1:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML

by AverageDeskJoe / 05/03/2016 at 4:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

by snazz23 / 05/02/2016 at 5:12pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

by claustrophobic / 05/04/2016 at 3:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

by Clauric / 05/03/2016 at 11:15am / Love

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

by newbornphotog / 05/03/2016 at 9:20am / Germany (Bayern) / Work