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Friday 1 August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

#21222740
156 comments

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

#21224768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28426) - you deserved it (2984)

On 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by WasntWorthIt - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I almost passed out choking in front of my friends, because I was laughing too hard at my own pathetic joke while eating. FML

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

#21224311
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27054) - you deserved it (4616)

On 07/29/2014 at 11:49pm - work - by dealtit - United States (Georgia)

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23711) - you deserved it (2601)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22313) - you deserved it (2182)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML

#21225552
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21619) - you deserved it (1333)

On 07/31/2014 at 3:35am - money - by fedUPwithPEOPLE (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

#21225316
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (1782)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:12pm - misc - by anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

#21225648
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21568) - you deserved it (3063)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:51am - health - by jogginglikeitsmyjob (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

#21225337
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21546) - you deserved it (6190)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:28pm - work - by heatherfeather22 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

#21223464
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17613) - you deserved it (51856)

On 07/29/2014 at 3:58am - misc - by jayswizzle89 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14451) - you deserved it (2356)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

#21225823
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13393) - you deserved it (1271)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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