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Saturday 29 August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21460636
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21280) - you deserved it (1717)

On 08/25/2015 at 6:46pm - health - by whovian221b (woman) - United States

Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

#21460833
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (2194)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (1352)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

#21461256
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21046) - you deserved it (1806)

On 08/27/2015 at 6:56am - health - by jack - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

#21461236
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you deserved it (1222)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:23am - misc - by smyp - Lithuania

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20836) - you deserved it (5193)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

#21460569
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20790) - you deserved it (1729)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:46pm - love - by NocturnalFox (woman) - Czech Republic (Plzensky kraj)

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

#21460776
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20585) - you deserved it (1643)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:33am - health - by Whiteheads - United States (Texas)

Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML

#21460085
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20186) - you deserved it (1991)

On 08/24/2015 at 1:32pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

#21460304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19800) - you deserved it (2011)

On 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by catlady - United States (New York)

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

#21460121
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19755) - you deserved it (2075)

On 08/24/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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