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Friday 2 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42346) - you deserved it (8590)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

#20828881
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42230) - you deserved it (13947)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:22am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

#20818001
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41990) - you deserved it (20882)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Myballshurt (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41761) - you deserved it (3678) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

#20825319
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41510) - you deserved it (3962)

On 08/07/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by Bethany - United States

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

#20825062
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40697) - you deserved it (15836)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:51am - health - by FuckYouMotherNature - United States (California)

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

#20821476
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40659) - you deserved it (4097)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by riiiighhhttttt (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

#20827009
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40591) - you deserved it (5113)

On 08/08/2013 at 9:13am - misc - by go choke on a gonad (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

#20809873
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40414) - you deserved it (12481)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by TehUglyLife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40135) - you deserved it (13219)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

#20811304
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40118) - you deserved it (23460)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:13am - misc - by kayak probs - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

#20816755
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (3863)

On 08/02/2013 at 8:41am - love - by chickety boom - United States (Texas)

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

#20825212
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39972) - you deserved it (3895)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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