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Friday 2 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51808) - you deserved it (11078)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

#20822120
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51678) - you deserved it (14616)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

#20809215
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51456) - you deserved it (7590)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:35am - love - by confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

#20822450
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51109) - you deserved it (4856)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by NO NO NO (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

#20819957
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51073) - you deserved it (4987)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:37am - love - by uniannonymous - United Kingdom (Merton)

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

#20823652
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50705) - you deserved it (3190)

On 08/06/2013 at 10:44am - work - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

#20824199
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50639) - you deserved it (4414)

On 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm - love - by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

#20822176
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50564) - you deserved it (6306)

On 08/05/2013 at 2:33pm - intimacy - by Sexless4Life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

#20817380
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50471) - you deserved it (5076)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

#20813192
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50397) - you deserved it (4358)

On 07/31/2013 at 10:15am - work - by Zatnikatel (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

#20809207
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50343) - you deserved it (4096)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:30am - work - by Fitz - United States

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50322) - you deserved it (5030)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML



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