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Saturday 23 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today I Awoke To Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, "Baby You're Making Me Hard." Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? "It's Jake, From State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82545) - you deserved it (8550)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I almost lost my vrginity at the age of 34. After yeres of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am.

#20562346
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70160) - you deserved it (10601)

On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

TODAY, I GOT DUMPD DURING SEX. FML

#20563466
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69077) - you deserved it (9398)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:02am - intimacy - by Bigfatfailure (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends an my boyfriend . During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass . My boyfriend pointed an said, ( Babe, you took his drink . ) My friend responded by putting his arm round me an saying, ( Whatever, I took her virginity . ) FML

#20563680
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64794) - you deserved it (16433)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Yesterday, ma usband called me, saying e was in te ospital wit a friend wo'd just broken is arm. Too bad I ten eard a female voice in te background mutter, "Se'll never buy tat". FML

#20562542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55964) - you deserved it (3788)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm - love - by soontobesingle (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, while making love to mah boyfriend 4 looool the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over mah ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

#20555878
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55845) - you deserved it (8138)

On 03/23/2013 at 12:43am - intimacy - by nraecher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the arport after saying goodbye to my, fir some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opend my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretendd to know wat it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51712) - you deserved it (6266)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I found out that what my husband maant by "wa should try swinging" is "I raally want to hava sax with this ona friand of yours, an if you so much as maka aya contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out an thraatan to kill him an you." FML

#20560730
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51429) - you deserved it (6741)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States

Today, mah grlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51223) - you deserved it (12115)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

TODAY, AFTAR I AD CANGAD MY NUMBAR TO GAT AWAY FROM MY ABUSIVA AX, MY MOM DACIDAD TO GIVA IM MY NAW ONA. SA INSISTS TAT I NAAD TO GIVA IM ANOTAR CANCA. FML

#20556707
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50783) - you deserved it (3076)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I kissed mah gorgeous new boyfriend 4 the first time. I ran mah hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out an five lice crawled onto mah hand. fat FML

#20554606
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50633) - you deserved it (6608)

On 03/22/2013 at 1:28am - love - by eww. (woman) - Australia

Today, I lost ma dog an so I put up 'lost' signs!! As I was coming back ome I noticed one ad been written on!! It said: "Found yur dog!! Keeping it"!! FML

#20556107
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50351) - you deserved it (3223)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)

TODAY , I GAVE MY GRLFRIEND AN ORGASM 4 THE FRST TIME. SHE'S A SCREAMER. HER DOG MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS ATTACKING HER , BECAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY CUMMD OVER AND STARTD SAVAGING ME. BIG FAT FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50350) - you deserved it (5743)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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