Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Saturday 16 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

#20540840
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30081) - you deserved it (5836)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

#20547816
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29658) - you deserved it (2222)

On 03/17/2013 at 3:00pm - work - by innocentbarista (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

#20554899
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29538) - you deserved it (2407)

On 03/22/2013 at 11:01am - work - by stankness - United States

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29514) - you deserved it (8403)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (50886)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

#20553243
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29417) - you deserved it (4763)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:59am - misc - by captainlame (man) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

#20546477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29271) - you deserved it (3186)

On 03/16/2013 at 5:52pm - misc - by Dat Stanky Mouf (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

#20543135
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28974) - you deserved it (2249)

On 03/14/2013 at 4:52am - money - by ScrewedForCheapBag - United States (California)

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

#20539367
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28216) - you deserved it (2755)

On 03/11/2013 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27992) - you deserved it (8025)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27971) - you deserved it (4956)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

#20546113
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27537) - you deserved it (2255)

On 03/16/2013 at 1:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: