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Saturday 9 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

#20530380
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49980) - you deserved it (6286)

On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML

#20543142
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49550) - you deserved it (8456)

On 03/14/2013 at 5:02am - intimacy - by howaboutno (woman) - United States

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

#20542189
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49516) - you deserved it (7947)

On 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by WhyDoINeedAName - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

#20538233
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48815) - you deserved it (4720)

On 03/10/2013 at 2:50pm - love - by ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall (woman) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47781) - you deserved it (5774)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47724) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47718) - you deserved it (3982)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46192) - you deserved it (6499)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45842) - you deserved it (16939)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45148) - you deserved it (4192)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44610) - you deserved it (5094)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44602) - you deserved it (4158)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

#20536683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44374) - you deserved it (5770)

On 03/09/2013 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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