Wednesday 6 March 2013 
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Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27343) - you deserved it (3087)
On 03/04/2013 at 3:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (3661)
On 03/08/2013 at 4:22pm - love - by Kiki (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)
Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27314) - you deserved it (2260)
On 03/13/2013 at 10:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27108) - you deserved it (1850)
On 03/08/2013 at 8:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26976) - you deserved it (4281)
On 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm - misc - by bruised - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26925) - you deserved it (2518)
On 03/09/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by depressed - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26613) - you deserved it (7406)
On 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by marriage/celibacy/synonymity (man) - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26429) - you deserved it (6418) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/08/2013 at 9:13am - animals - by orely44 - France (Pays de la Loire)
Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26338) - you deserved it (2726)
On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26142) - you deserved it (1514)
On 03/07/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by it's shitty, yeah, stfu (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26013) - you deserved it (1662)
On 03/12/2013 at 2:35pm - misc - by Hopelesshomeless (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25945) - you deserved it (1660)
On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25837) - you deserved it (2590)
On 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Monday 20 May 2013
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