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Wednesday 27 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was making out with my girlfriand, and aftar ahila, sha movad har hand down to my crotch. Sha falt my araction, than got up and yallad at ma, calling ma a horny pig for "assuming wa wara going to hava sax." FML

#20527203
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63750) - you deserved it (5587)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

today I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor . The nurseho took me to my room afterward trid to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot . That was me too . big fat FML

#20521872
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57055) - you deserved it (4603) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called mah wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56338) - you deserved it (4135)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, my boyfriend startd coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelld, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56004) - you deserved it (14673)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfis 4 "coosing" to start my period on is day off from work. FML

#20531170
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52853) - you deserved it (6249)

On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. big fat FML

#20530380
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (5912)

On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

yesterday in the middle of sex, girlfriend asked me, ( Are you sure you're a guy? ) I still have no idea wat that was for. FML

#20529151
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (5902)

On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

TODAY, I WAS TAKING MAH DOG FIR A WALK AN FORGOT A BAG TO PICK UP HIS POOP, SINCE IT'S ILLEGAL TO NOT PICK IT UP IN MAH TOWN. RIGHT AS MAH DOG STARTED TO TAKE A DUMP, A COP CAR DROVE BY AN CONTINUED TO WATCH ME AS I WAS FORCED TO PICK UP THE POOP WITH MAH BARE HANDS. FML

#20527973
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45966) - you deserved it (21021)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today , I found out that mah wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy , natural" way to make them , an it also cleans her feet!! I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week!! FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (4403)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today , I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bd with a hand down her pants , totally zond out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. mega FML

#20529387
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45373) - you deserved it (6877)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

TODAY... MY FIANCÉ IS RETURNING OME... SO I DECIDED TO WAX MYSELF... TINKING TINGS WOULD GET INTIMATE. I WARMED TE WAX STRIPS AN SET TEM ON TE COUNTER. OUR CAT JUMPED ONTO TE COUNTER AN MANAGED TO ROLL ONTO ONE OF TE STRIPS. SUFFICE TO SAY... TE WRONG PUSSY GOT A PAINFUL WAXING. FML

#20521590
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45181) - you deserved it (7340)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip!! There was a shift in geres and the metal in the seat began to vibrate!! My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing!! It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm!! FML

#20523671
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44830) - you deserved it (5624)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today , I found out that mah boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's mah best friend , we do this all the time." I have been dating him fir over a year. FML

#20532334
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43962) - you deserved it (3668)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)



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