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Tuesday 26 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39047) - you deserved it (3688)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37932) - you deserved it (9234)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37389) - you deserved it (2864)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (5387)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

#20524189
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36636) - you deserved it (5864)

On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

#20526083
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (10240)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

#20526676
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35325) - you deserved it (3629)

On 03/01/2013 at 7:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34826) - you deserved it (5276)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

#20522936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34799) - you deserved it (4110)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:43am - love - by fuckedover - United States

Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34619) - you deserved it (6703)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

#20524792
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34418) - you deserved it (3668)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm - misc - by segal1010 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34090) - you deserved it (4802)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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