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Tuesday 26 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42143) - you deserved it (3949)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41242) - you deserved it (3411)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38557) - you deserved it (2960)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

#20521204
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38441) - you deserved it (6911)

On 02/25/2013 at 1:10am - love - by Gullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

#20524189
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (6065)

On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37877) - you deserved it (12693)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37076) - you deserved it (5537)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

#20531724
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37059) - you deserved it (4465)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

#20526083
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36957) - you deserved it (10686)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36934) - you deserved it (5558)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

#20524344
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you deserved it (6095)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

#20526676
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36372) - you deserved it (3727)

On 03/01/2013 at 7:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

#20522936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35971) - you deserved it (4220)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:43am - love - by fuckedover - United States



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