Monday 25 February 2013 
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Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49859) - you deserved it (4405)
On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46507) - you deserved it (3137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41704) - you deserved it (2384)
On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)
Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40163) - you deserved it (3917)
On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States
Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (4754)
On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to use the restroom. I looked down at the toilet, and saw blood smeared all over the seat, as well as several dirty tampons in the floor. I confronted my girlfriend about the mess, only for her to reply with, "Well, what'd you expect? You live with a woman now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38043) - you deserved it (3236)
On 02/26/2013 at 1:29am - health - by GrossedOut (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37878) - you deserved it (14825)
On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States
Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35865) - you deserved it (3624)
On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35651) - you deserved it (4831)
On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34082) - you deserved it (5965)
On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33456) - you deserved it (2261)
On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32625) - you deserved it (1889)
On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32616) - you deserved it (5378)
On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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