Choose the period

Monday 18 February 2013

Choose a category

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

by hé merde / 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

by SadFace / 02/21/2013 at 8:04am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

by club goer / 02/20/2013 at 2:48pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 3:39am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Money

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML

by sniperkit / 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, a colleague gave me an expensive box of chocolates for my birthday. I was surprised she spent so much on me, but didn't think much of it. Only when I got back home and excitedly opened the box did I realise the chocolates had expired months ago. FML

by Migole / 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 02/18/2013 at 8:49pm / United States / Work

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

by Apparently not a writer / 02/20/2013 at 11:36am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 12:36pm / United States / Health

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

by burning balls of fuck this / 02/25/2013 at 5:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy