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Monday 18 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

#20519764
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35546) - you deserved it (3845)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

#20521664
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35529) - you deserved it (8581)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

#20515001
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35331) - you deserved it (2633)

On 02/20/2013 at 3:33pm - misc - by annoyed - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML

#20519650
78 comments

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34918) - you deserved it (3745)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML

#20518703
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34912) - you deserved it (4303)

On 02/23/2013 at 11:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

#20514871
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34683) - you deserved it (3361)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm - love - by ? - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

#20521168
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34649) - you deserved it (3574)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, two days before I'm due to fly out to Russia on my first vacation, I caught my extremely over-protective mother trying to force the family dog to eat my passport. FML

#20518765
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34399) - you deserved it (2225)

On 02/23/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Aluksnes)

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

#20512419
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34191) - you deserved it (3717)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33791) - you deserved it (3276)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33760) - you deserved it (3211)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

#20516708
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33735) - you deserved it (5578)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:33pm - love - by Meghan (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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