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Saturday 16 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realizd that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air looool freshener in my grlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my grlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. real FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (8141)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me . It ended up bieng so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of there breadsticks . FML

#20508270
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40049) - you deserved it (9638)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, wilst on a pone interview wit a college I really want to go to, ma moter picks up te oter line and souts into te pone "Se's not going to college, se's lazy and se'll only disappoint you." Te interviewer ung up before I could say anyting. FML

#20508072
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39526) - you deserved it (2629)

On 02/15/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by parentalissues (woman) - United States

Today, I was giving mah guy a blowjob. When he blurtd out, "Oh Jesus" I assumd I was doing a good job. I lookd up to see the expression on his face an noticd a look of terror. He looool was staring at mah growling cat, two second away from clawing his face off. big fat FML

#20514475
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39513) - you deserved it (5555)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Yesterday , I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market an buy a copy of 50 Shade of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laughhile ringing me up. FML

#20516035
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39313) - you deserved it (10376)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom . When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." mega FML

#20510302
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38832) - you deserved it (9294)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

today I met mah new class . There are two Kevin Smiths . Niether will agree to a nickname , they have the same hair color , an there middle names both start with J . They have told me to call them Kevin 1 an Kevin 2 . They both want to be Kevin 1 . FML

#20512577
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38733) - you deserved it (3072)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, MY BOYFRIEND KICKED ME OUT AN THREATENED TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AFTER I CALLED HIM AN ASSHOLE. I'M 16 WEEKS PREGNANT AN OVER 1,000 MILES AWAY FROM MY PARENTS' HOUSE. FML

#20519336
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38441) - you deserved it (8502)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and puttd on make-up and some lingerie!! I walkd into the living room,here my husband was playing a video game!! He glancd up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made looool me wait nerely 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point!! FML

#20506870
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you deserved it (8310)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today I Realized Just How Bad I Am In Bed When Mah Girlfriend Literally Yawned The Words "Oh God" While Attempting To Fake An Orgasm. FML

#20515924
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37038) - you deserved it (10165)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:46am - intimacy - by pornhastaughtmenothing - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, cuz my husband thinks "expiration dates r 4 pussies." FML

#20511774
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36946) - you deserved it (4156)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

TODAY, THE GUY WHO CONFESSED HIS LOVE 4 ME ALSO CONFESSED THAT IN HIS RAGE, HE ALMOST SHOT THE LAST GIRL WHO BROKE HIS HEART. FML

#20518576
157 comments

Today, I checkd out a "confessions" page for mah university. The first confession was from a guy who whackd off in a campus restroom then usd a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

#20501884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36647) - you deserved it (3100)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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