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Saturday 16 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39144) - you deserved it (10339)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38611) - you deserved it (7856)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38608) - you deserved it (9274)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

#20508072
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38473) - you deserved it (2553)

On 02/15/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by parentalissues (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38352) - you deserved it (9368)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (2996)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML

#20519336
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (8368)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37323) - you deserved it (5287)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

#20515924
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36853) - you deserved it (10136)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:46am - intimacy - by pornhastaughtmenothing - United States (Washington)

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

#20506870
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36264) - you deserved it (8079)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

#20511941
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36198) - you deserved it (3190)

On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36186) - you deserved it (6147)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

#20513141
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36179) - you deserved it (4071)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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