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Tuesday 12 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27969) - you deserved it (26540)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27877) - you deserved it (6906)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

#20507079
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27762) - you deserved it (2930)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

#20502782
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27567) - you deserved it (1652)

On 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Target - United States

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27438) - you deserved it (5588)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

#20505207
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27389) - you deserved it (4688)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by kenyaliving - Kenya

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

#20511071
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27175) - you deserved it (2646)

On 02/17/2013 at 5:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Hungary (Szeged)

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (3121)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

#20506599
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26924) - you deserved it (5223)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm - money - by dating a fucking psycho (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26522) - you deserved it (5715)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26315) - you deserved it (3667)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

#20513781
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25732) - you deserved it (3296)

On 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm - love - by Forever alone Guy - Australia (Victoria)



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