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Tuesday 12 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

#20505207
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29583) - you deserved it (4971)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by kenyaliving - Kenya

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29533) - you deserved it (27385)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29493) - you deserved it (6909)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29302) - you deserved it (7169)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28949) - you deserved it (6552)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today, my sister posted on her Facebook that she hates moving because of all of the packing that she and my family have to do. I didn't even know we're moving. FML

#20510343
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28781) - you deserved it (2205)

On 02/17/2013 at 2:38am - misc - by left-out - United States

Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28415) - you deserved it (5989)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

#20513351
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28362) - you deserved it (2592)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

#20513755
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28304) - you deserved it (5506)

On 02/19/2013 at 5:47pm - love - by katwingz (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28286) - you deserved it (3882)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

#20506599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28243) - you deserved it (5392)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm - money - by dating a fucking psycho (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28148) - you deserved it (5674)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)



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