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Friday 8 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25603) - you deserved it (10885)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25448) - you deserved it (8491)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

#20501469
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25356) - you deserved it (5276)

On 02/10/2013 at 8:51pm - animals - by akasoor - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

#20494244
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25324) - you deserved it (2700)

On 02/05/2013 at 8:09am - work - by picasso - United States

Today, after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home, I finally finished the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape, along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML

#20503623
93 comments

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24523) - you deserved it (3829)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24501) - you deserved it (4800)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

#20508218
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24230) - you deserved it (1921)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:50pm - health - by selena5112 (woman) - Norway (Troms)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24076) - you deserved it (9608)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23678) - you deserved it (35284)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

#20508499
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23592) - you deserved it (2763)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23197) - you deserved it (3210)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23140) - you deserved it (2826)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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