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Friday 8 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26522) - you deserved it (4042)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26391) - you deserved it (5006)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

#20503300
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26305) - you deserved it (16851)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26269) - you deserved it (8657)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

#20503854
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26218) - you deserved it (6199)

On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

#20492659
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26186) - you deserved it (2944)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

#20503939
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26105) - you deserved it (2698)

On 02/12/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by likearacehorse (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

#20508218
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25897) - you deserved it (2066)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:50pm - health - by selena5112 (woman) - Norway (Troms)

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25395) - you deserved it (37323)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

#20508499
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25203) - you deserved it (2911)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24500) - you deserved it (3333)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24296) - you deserved it (9645)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23615) - you deserved it (8805)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)



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