Wednesday 6 February 2013 
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Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30897) - you deserved it (7813)
On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States
Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30063) - you deserved it (2191)
On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29665) - you deserved it (1245)
On 02/10/2013 at 11:01pm - love - by Greg (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29506) - you deserved it (3942)
On 02/12/2013 at 11:57pm - misc - by IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29384) - you deserved it (7542)
On 02/08/2013 at 1:24am - love - by katelynm - United States
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28179) - you deserved it (4933)
On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. It's okay, I know who the father is: my ex-boyfriend, who moved to Japan last week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27865) - you deserved it (8247)
On 02/11/2013 at 1:17pm - kids - by juno_op (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27816) - you deserved it (1358)
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (2132)
On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27664) - you deserved it (2200)
On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27660) - you deserved it (2808)
On 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm - misc - by Meaghan (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27474) - you deserved it (5371)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27147) - you deserved it (1695)
On 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm - kids - by missedout (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
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