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Monday 4 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

#20501281
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27182) - you deserved it (2572)

On 02/10/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by obsequiousfannyflapper (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

#20501469
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27153) - you deserved it (5533)

On 02/10/2013 at 8:51pm - animals - by akasoor - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

#20494408
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27143) - you deserved it (3125)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:45pm - health - by maced face - United States

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

#20494244
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26763) - you deserved it (2827)

On 02/05/2013 at 8:09am - work - by picasso - United States

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

#20492811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26745) - you deserved it (3275)

On 02/04/2013 at 7:17am - work - by Colleen Nichols - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26385) - you deserved it (5006)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26266) - you deserved it (8657)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

#20492659
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26177) - you deserved it (2944)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24496) - you deserved it (3333)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24291) - you deserved it (9645)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23849) - you deserved it (35478)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (8805)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (2848)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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